As you can probably tell by the title, I am someone who can stand to do a little more walking. That said, here is my review of Guitar Hero II for the 360, through the eyes, hands, and stomach of a Fat Man.

I always wanted to play a guitar; I was just too lazy to learn. So when I heard about Guitar Hero I was pumped, but I didn’t want to buy a PS2 just to play it. Then the happy little elves over at Microsoft started making it for the Xbox 360. Man, I was so excited that I almost went into diabetic shock (Hey, I said I was fat).

So I headed over to my local Bestbuy store, picked that bad boy up, and flew home. From the moment I walked in the door and plugged it in I was jamming away. I started on easy figuring that I could breeze right through it. Five beers and one large pizza later I was buzzed, pissed, and ready to admit that I was wrong.

Being cursed with short stubby pickle fingers really wasn’t making things any easier. I was able to pass songs but man this was kicking me hard.

You aren’t going to learn to swim if you wade around in the shallow end all day, so I finally decided to kick it up a notch, and try my hands at medium difficulty. When your fingers look like rolls of quarters playing Guitar Hero on this level is like trying to pick a lock with a noodle. Mmm noodles! No matter how hard I tried my stubby little piggies just didn’t want to go to market … and the blue key? Forget about it.

Rest assured my fellow buffet bandits, I am a firm believer that with enough practice anything is possible. The Guitar is designed very well and has plenty of slack for even the manliest of bodies. I never had a problem strapping the harness around me and strumming away. Am I great? Hell no, but I have fun.

I might never get to expert level, and if I don’t, it sure as hell won’t be from a lack of playing time. If you have a 360, and even think you might enjoy Guitar Hero II, I say give it a shot. You’ll have fun and find that much like cheese dip and nachos, you just can’t put it down.

Well it’s time for me to hit the Gym because just like Jared, I don’t want to be fat forever…

Tags: Guitar-Hero, Guitar-Hero-2, guitar-hero-3

• Guitar Hero III Air Guitar Contest
• Guitar Hero: Aerosmith Edition Announced – Free GH3 DLC Coming Soon
• New Game Releases: 8/30 – 9/5
• GH3 Air Guitar Contest Winner Announced
• Guitar Hero: On Tour is Activision’s Best DS Launch Ever Selling Over 300,000
• Brett Ratner Wants to Make Guitar Hero Movie About Small Town Kid … Blah Blah Blah
• Ten Speed Rock: Guitar Hero For Bicycles
• Annual Activision: Skateboarding Commando Rock Stars Get All The Chicks

4 Comments » Gunny Highway on June 16, 2007 2:09 pm Funny, Funny Stuff :-) mikhail on June 16, 2007 3:16 pm hahah fat keepingitreel on June 17, 2007 8:33 am That is great! And GH II ain’t so easy for those of us with “normal” fingers either. And if you think the blue key’s a bitch, just try the orange one… NevahBettah on July 2, 2007 9:57 am very funny RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL Comment Now Note: Commenting on Ripten does not currently require registration, however to be eligible for contests on the site, you must be a registered user. Name (required) Mail (will not be published) (required) Website Commenting Rules: No hate speech allowed. If you must argue, please debate intelligently. Comments containing selected keywords or outbound links will be put into moderation to help prevent spam. Ripten reserves the right to delete comments and ban anyone who doesn't follow the rules. Thanks. Notify me of followup comments Tired of the Goomba? Upload your own custom comment avatar.