RipTen Review: Guitar Hero II (Xbox 360)
As you can probably tell by the title, I am someone who can stand to do a little more walking. That said, here is my review of Guitar Hero II for the 360, through the eyes, hands, and stomach of a Fat Man.
I always wanted to play a guitar; I was just too lazy to learn. So when I heard about Guitar Hero I was pumped, but I didn’t want to buy a PS2 just to play it. Then the happy little elves over at Microsoft started making it for the Xbox 360. Man, I was so excited that I almost went into diabetic shock (Hey, I said I was fat).
So I headed over to my local Bestbuy store, picked that bad boy up, and flew home. From the moment I walked in the door and plugged it in I was jamming away. I started on easy figuring that I could breeze right through it. Five beers and one large pizza later I was buzzed, pissed, and ready to admit that I was wrong.
Being cursed with short stubby pickle fingers really wasn’t making things any easier. I was able to pass songs but man this was kicking me hard.
You aren’t going to learn to swim if you wade around in the shallow end all day, so I finally decided to kick it up a notch, and try my hands at medium difficulty. When your fingers look like rolls of quarters playing Guitar Hero on this level is like trying to pick a lock with a noodle. Mmm noodles! No matter how hard I tried my stubby little piggies just didn’t want to go to market … and the blue key? Forget about it.
Rest assured my fellow buffet bandits, I am a firm believer that with enough practice anything is possible. The Guitar is designed very well and has plenty of slack for even the manliest of bodies. I never had a problem strapping the harness around me and strumming away. Am I great? Hell no, but I have fun.
I might never get to expert level, and if I don’t, it sure as hell won’t be from a lack of playing time. If you have a 360, and even think you might enjoy Guitar Hero II, I say give it a shot. You’ll have fun and find that much like cheese dip and nachos, you just can’t put it down.
Well it’s time for me to hit the Gym because just like Jared, I don’t want to be fat forever…
