“That’s it, I quit. This is so not worth sixty bucks.”

Ok, so we came across this little bit of heaven while browsing reddit.com and just had to share the find with our readers. Granted, not everyone here at ripten was completely in love with Bungie’s latest Halo release in terms of the campaign mode, but the multiplayer aspect of Halo 3 can hardly be called a disappointment.

That said, below are a few highlights from an “open letter to Bungie” we discovered which was posted anonymously on craigslist.org. In it the writer discusses their dislike for the latest release in the Halo series as well as some ideas and suggestions for Bungie in the future.

“It is evident that you are now in bed with Microsoft by the fact that you released a game like “Halo 3” with seemingly no regard for the consumers that have padded your pockets.” Not sure about everyone else, but when we are in bed with someone we don’t usually break up with them, unless the sex was bad, and even then it’s usually after they have gone home.

“If you are going to justify the $60.00 … at least give us further customization options. For instance, wouldn’t it be fun to make the “Master Chief” run around shooting people in his underwear? That, personally, would crack me up.” We are definitely not licensed psychiatrists, but a few of us did stay at the local Holiday Inn express last night and we think this guy has a thing for the Chief. If they are willing to dish out $60 for undie mode, imagine what they would be willing to pay for some all out nudity.

“Furthermore, I believe Lara Croft is empowering to younger female gamers. There. I said it.” Good, get it out … get it all out.

“What would you think about a sexy three way between Master Chief, Lara Croft and Space Pac Man? Haha! That would be wild! No, no…not for the game. It is just funny to think about. Don’t you think?” Right about now we are wondering how many drawings this kid has done in his sketch pad of the afore mentioned threesome.

“I think “Terms of Endearment” the video game could be AWESOME!” If Bungie takes this game concept on they will need to push one of the others aside and personally we really want to see the “Three Men and a Baby” videogame first.

“(I was pretty mad back then when I got that game and no angels were in it. I ain’t no bible nut but I guess you could consider me “spiritual”)” Because we all know that there is nothing worse than buying a game expecting to get Michael Landon only to be let down completely.

If the quotes we pulled weren’t enough, we went ahead and included the entire work of art as well. The complete letter as it appears on craigslist.org is posted below … enjoy it, we sure did.

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October 9, 2007
Bungie Studios
One Microsoft Way
Redmond, WA 98052

To Whom It May Concern:

It is evident that you are now in bed with Microsoft by the fact that you released a game like “Halo 3” with seemingly no regard for the consumers that have padded your pockets.

I would, however, like to congratulate you on the marketing campaign which, by all accounts, was the most skillful and creative development to come out of the entire “Halo 3” debacle.

Overrated does not begin to describe it. “Next Gen”, indeed. It would appear that you consciously did not deliver on what you promised because you knew the game would sell record amounts of copies no matter what you did. RING RING! Hear that? That’s Bungie phoning it in.

The graphics were no better than “Halo 2”. The campaign play is boring and repetitive. If you are going to justify the $60.00 price tag on the multi-player aspects alone, then at least give us further customization options. For instance, wouldn’t it be fun to make the “Master Chief” run around shooting people in his underwear? That, personally, would crack me up.

Additionally, I was saddened to see that you did not include one of the Halo franchise’s most beloved characters – Lara Croft. Hey – I’m no kind of freaky perv but let’s face facts – SHE IS HAWT! I can’t help but think that Lara Croft was the reason “Halo 1” and “Halo 2” sold so many copies in the first place and then you go and ruin it all by NOT EVEN MAKING MENTION OF HER IN “HALO 3”?

Furthermore, I believe Lara Croft is empowering to younger female gamers. There. I said it.

If I had been designing this game, instead of a bunch of hollow promises (thanks marketing!) I would include the Master Chief in his underwear function (mentioned above and still hilarious) and Lara Croft and maybe a multi-player way for them to get intimate, if you know what I mean.

Let’s face it. You got a lot of younger players out there who buy your game even with the “M” for “MATURE” rating. I don’t need to teach you guys a biology class on teen sex but the fact of the matter is there are way to many pregnant teens out there and I think a little interactive education between Master Chief and Lara Croft could be very beneficial to our nation’s youth.

I’m not talking anything “X” rated here. Master Chief could stay in his underwear (ha, ha) and Lara in her short shorts. The key here is EDUCATION. Will you take that key and unlock the vault of learning? Or will you continue to make disappointments like “Halo 3”?

One of my favorite parts of “Halo 2” was the boss battle with “Space Pac-Man”. You kind of left it at a cliff-hanger inferring that Space Pac-Man would return in “Halo 3”. Once again, my gaming experience was stained with disappointment. While I love the voice work of MASTER ACTOR KEITH DAVID (John Carpenter’s “The Thing”.) it would have been so much better to hear his sultry baritone coming out of Space Pac Man’s mouth and not that Archie character or whatever he was called.

What would you think about a sexy three way between Master Chief, Lara Croft and Space Pac Man? Haha! That would be wild! No, no…not for the game. It is just funny to think about. Don’t you think?

The point I’m trying to make here is that you could have gone a lot of different directions or, at the very least, fulfilled some of the hype you got everyone worked up about. However, I suppose you did what you needed to. Namely, sell 18 gazillion copies without any thought put into satisfying consumer expectation.

I’m no game designer. I leave that to guys at NASA. But I’ve been knocking around a few ideas that I will share with you. Maybe you can use some of these next time BEFORE you release another steaming pile of poo like “Halo 3”.

1. Okay – now – you guys are all nerds so I’m sure you’ve heard of “Star Trek”, right? All those great characters and the kids just LOVE Mr. McCoy and Chewbacca. Now – stick with me here – what IF you took the crew of the USS Enterprise and turned them all – get ready – INTO BABIES. And then – instead of a space SHIP – they are in a space CRIB! (On a side note – you guys really set something off in me with the Space Pac Man. Now – I like to just think of EVERYTHING in space. Like “Space Pope”.)

I’m not quite sure of what the actual game play would be like. That’s for you eggheads to workout. But the concept – Star Trek Babies – is pure gold.

2. The problem with video games based on movies is that they’re never any good. Am I right? So – why not make MORE games based on Oscar winning motion pictures. Brace yourself because I think “Terms of Endearment” the video game could be AWESOME! You can choose to play the Timothy Hutton character – hold on – that was “Ordinary People”. Well who cares? They are both great movies and I can tell you right HERE and NOW that none of your competitors will have even thought about this. What would YOU rather do? Control some Dig-Dug in a dirt thing or help Deborah Winger deal with her impending demise? I think the choice is quite clear.

3. With the success of “The Sims” the argument that people like to do the exact same things they do in real live except on a computer is now academic. Yes…academic. So, pretty much, you guys might try that angle.

In conclusion, I will give you kudos to buying off most of the drooling, sycophantic game reviewers. However, you haven’t fooled EVERYONE.

Have a margarita down at the local Chevy’s in Redmond on me, guys. You got my $60.00 so you can certainly afford it. Maybe you can get a little drunk and think about the good old days when you made that ONE good game – the original “Halo”. (On a side note – I was pretty mad back then when I got that game and no angels were in it. I ain’t no bible nut but I guess you could consider me “spiritual”)

I will not be buying any more of your products if this is the quality I can expect from your future endeavors.

Regards,

NAME REMOVED FOR PRIVACY REASONS
I did however mail this to Bungie
Source: Craigslist.org

Tags: Bungie, Craigslist.org, Halo-3, Lara-Croft, Master-Chief, Open-Letter-To-Bungie

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