There’s a right and a wrong way to do things. Then there’s a middle of the road. You know, complacent. Boring. Non eventful. Or as I like to call it, Tony Hawk, post Pro Skater 2.

I have a few philosophies in life. Tao of Mike #251. “If a hip and cool spokesperson is almost 10 years older than myself, he is no longer than face of a new generation. He’s just an old man selling out.” Sorry, Tony. There may have been a time where I sought out your tapes, owned several of your boards, and wished I could be as cool as you. That was 1986. I was 11. I am a fan, and I will always look on those days fondly. Like all great things that come to an end, your days of Pro Skater supremacy are over. Some say Skate is the next generation. I say it’s time to leave skateboards underneath my Vans and off of my console.

So, what is the problem with the Hawk series this year? The same virus that seems to be infecting almost all sports games in recent memory — too much complexity. Trying to include the kitchen sink, and thinking that every button on an overcrowded Six-axis has to cramp up my hand and leave it as lifeless as the stump Bob Dole sticks his pen into.

There’s so much going on, so many ways to manipulate a trick, that I found myself staring at the skateboard in my bedroom and thinking how much easier it would actually be to ride in real life than mash buttons in this game.

There’s plenty here to enjoy, yet it’s all been done before (and more effectively) in previous installments of the Hawk series. Proving Ground is tiresome and repetitive, and I have felt that way since Pro Skater 2 on the Dreamcast, which absolutely kicked ass.

It’s become such a joke that every single year during E3, Activision’s PR/marketing firm, or a Neversoft rep declares the new Hawk incarnation to be THE definitive skating/Tony Hawk experience. That leaves me wondering, ‘So why should we purchase THIS years edition, if in 2009 you’ll just be declaring how much 2008 sucked?’

So, here we are. Different year, with a similar experience. It’s hard to be inspired during a review when a game is so mediocre. A truly phenomenal game gets my juices flowing, and a horrid game will piss me off, instigating a rant. This is neither. It’s just there.

My Uncle Dan use to say that “It doesn’t matter if people love you or hate you, what’s important is that you do something that is memorable.” Although he probably ripped it off of someone else, it’s still cool, because my uncle Dan is a unique fellow who you surely would not forget. Make your mark and don’t settle, good advice in life, and in game design.

You can add one more to the list, and that would be “know when to retire”. Tony, do you really want to be the 45 year old guy on the cover a video game with hair dye and air-brushed wrinkles? You’ve had a good run, one could even consider you an endearing video game mascot. Even a perennial console veteran like Sonic the Hedgehog, had his reign come to an end (thanks to many sub-par adventures).

Once upon a time, that little blue cliché threatened Mickey Mouse and Super Mario for worldwide recognition, but now, it appears that his time has ended. Maybe you should consider a nice room in the retirement home with Sonic, Bubsy, Knuckles, Aero the Acrobat, and R.O.B. the Robot. I hear they have pudding with their lunch! Do you like pudding, Tony? Okay, calm down grandpa, don’t get too excited. That hip is fragile, and your bed (while it is tilted at an angle) is not a half pipe!

All of this is pointless, of course, if 2008’s Tony Hawk beats Skate to a bloody pulp in sales. Then, by all means, keep ‘em coming Hawk-man. Until then, I’ll let Roxy (my dog) pull me through the park on my board. It’s less cramping on my fingers and much more fun. Who knew? Reality can be enjoyable!