Our next, slightly controversial entry on this list has led me to question what exactly constitutes a weapon. The Darkness, the evil entity that spawns from our anti-hero Jackie Estacado in the game of the same name, is a living, breathing thing. It’s biological, despite its supernatural origins. It has a voice and a full range of emotions (anger, malice, rage).
So what exactly are the requisites for a badass weapon? It has to cause pain (check!). It’s got to make onlookers gasp in horror and/or inspire fits of uncontrolled vomiting (check!). But on that token, doesn’t Britney Spears’ MTV Video Music Awards performance qualify? The answer: Yes, but, the Darkness can kill you, and until some long-term variable controlled studies are conducted to prove the contrary, Spears’ music hasn’t been documented to be life threatening.
The Darkness isn’t really that much unlike the Mafioso strong men it so viciously slaughters. It loves eating Italian (or “Italians” rather), gets off on controlling people and favors the use of colorful language. The two elongated eel like appendages that jut out of Jackie’s love handles are some versatile killing machines, that much is certain.
Feel like turning a Bowery hitman into a human shish kebab? Well, it’s just one button click away. Want to knock out the lights so that your prey can only hear the snarl between your razor sharp teeth before causing a permanent case of deadness? No problem.
Hell, you can even develop a gravitational field powerful enough to engulf electromagnetic radiation as stated in Einstein’s theory of general relativity. Black holes sure are fun. The Darkness doesn’t just make you feel stronger; it makes everyone else seem weak. Most games have you fighting monsters. This game transformed you into one.
The Darkness is a freight train of suffering powered by the devoured hearts of its victims, with Mike Patton of Faith No More providing the creepy voice. And let us not forget that Faith No More was the band responsible for the video “Epic”, which depicted a landlocked fish gasping for air as the closing keys carried out on a somber piano. The fish, as it turned out, was the pet of Icelandic pop sensation Bjork.
So there you have it, folks. The Darkness tortured Bjork’s goldfish. And for that simple fact, it makes its pure evil way near the top of this list.