I like my brain. It has, along with my other primary sensory apparatuses, always allowed me to do lots of useful stuff. Math has always been fun. I love motor skills, and have always found my sense of equilibrium to be particularly useful when attempting to walk.

So the idea of anything entering my skull with the sole intention of turning my mind into gelatin has always been a source of concern. Ever since Khan put that hungry little earwig in Chekov’s cranium in Star Trek II, I’ve been reticent about interstellar travel. Turok 2: Seeds of Evil merely clinched it.

The #1 most badass weapon in videogame history is called the Cerebral Bore. True to its name, it bore a gaping hole in your cerebral cortex while it tore through your noggin like a possessed Cuisinart. And what could one do as the bore carried on with its objective?

Not much. Long division was out. Impending brain death pretty much inhibited that most leisurely activity of breathing. That basically left you with defecating your tighty whiteys and calling it a day.

Turok 2 was a good game for its time. Sure, it didn’t have the x-factor that made Goldeneye so memorable and its ports weren’t as good as they could have been, but the game had a decent single player campaign and its interesting multiplayer concepts kept fans of console shooters more than happy back in 1998.

But what really made an impression in the minds of N64 gamers (see what I did there?) is the simple fact that Turok 2 had a weapon that ate your frickin’ skull. Once locked on and deployed, the aggressor could casually lay down his paddle, smile at his soon-to-be-dead friend and bask in his enemy’s looming frustration as the grinding sound ravaged his/her melon on the split screen. Many a controller was smashed as a result.

The Cerebral Bore gets the top spot for its complete disdain of the pursuit of knowledge and existentialism. Not only did it kill you, but it did it slowly and in a way that would make Eli Roth squirm in his seat.

The ancient graphics and control scheme make this game difficult to revisit (like many of that generation), so this writer has his fingers crossed that the bore will make an appearance in next year’s entry in the Turok franchise.

Honorable mentions:

The Portal Gun – Portal
Heavenly Sword – Heavenly Sword
The Golden Gun – 007 Goldeneye
Yellow Snowballs – Southpark: The Video Game

Top Ten Most Badass Weapons List: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1