Review: Hitman Movie

I came to a realization after watching Hitman– I want agent 47 to date my sister. Ok, I don’t want for it to happen, but I’d be ok with it if it did. For the same reason, Hitman is an enjoyable movie to watch, because even if Agent 47 is weird and scary, deep down he really is a good guy.

While I was first skeptical of the choice of casting Timothy Olyphant as the lead, I was quickly reassured they had made the right decision for the character. Olyphant’s Agent 47 is swaggerless, the anti-James Bond. If James Bond is the quarterback at Assassin High School, Agent 47 is the weird, pasty, scary outcast in the back of the class. Just seeing him stoically glide down a hallway gave me the creeps. It’s this passionless austere demeanor that creates equal moments of badass and hilarious.

When the plot throws in the romantic interest, it is initially groan-worthy, but then develops into something special. She’s a broken sex slave, who knows only a couple ways to relate to men. He’s a contract killer who knows only one way to deal with people. It really is enjoyable to watch them attempt to complete each other in their brokenness, neither of them really knowing what real love feels like.

Oh yeah, and then there’s action scenes in this romantic comedy. The movie is its most visceral when the Hitman goes on hits. Go figure. It’s not clear why he doesn’t go on more contract killings throughout the plot. In the action scenes we do see, the bullets fall like rain in a thunderstorm, but they don’t happen as frequently as a summer blockbuster like Live Free or Die Hard. Instead, the plot devotes a liberal chunk of time to a couple of supporting characters that argue about jurisdiction. It’s super boring no matter how many foreign accents they throw in.

The movie does have some over indulgent John Woo-like moments that come off as complete cheese and some scenes that just don’t work. I found myself saying, “I’ve watched this scene before in another movie and it was better then.” But when compared to videogame movies like Doom, Mortal Kombat or Resident Evil, Hitman’s flaws seem like lint on 47’s Italian made suit.

Despite its shortcomings, videogame and action movie fans alike should be able to get on this train. Whether he’s being shot at or hit on by beautiful women, Agent 47 is fun to watch, and as nerdy as it sounds, it really makes you want to be an international assassin. So much that I went out and bought the game.