When I posted yesterday’s Playstation Store update, I cited that Idol Minds’ new PSN title was thought up in a marketing department. Now, we know how big a role the ad men can play in shaping a game’s public face, but it’s still taken on good faith that most of the real ideas are coming from the development team, itself. After playing for a few hours, I feel confident in saying that Pain really does blur that line, and it’s not for the better.

I was half expecting the Spike TV logo to flash subliminally every five seconds or see Steve-O’s smiling back tattoo give me the thumbs up as I launched his scrawny frame from the man cannon that serves as your aiming device. Neither happened, but the whole game feels just as obnoxious. Your painmeister yells “Dude!” and “Sweet!” whilst taking his lumps, farts as he flies through the air into a building called “The Man Hole”, and tackles chimps in a mode called (get this!) “Spank The Monkey.” It all made me want to gaze at my own navel.

Thankfully, the game play itself is at least marginally more fun than my belly button and deeper, too. As criminally juvenile as the game is at times (in the bad way that patronizes gamers and causes the rest of society to poo-poo us for our immaturity), this is a physics-based ragdoll game at heart. That means high scores and plenty of ways to get them. You can adjust the strength and trajectory of the initial launch, of course, but once your hapless human projectile, you can twist the analog stick in any direction to subtlely nudge him towards the object you want him to hit. This is, as you’d expect, useful for slamming him into objects that are otherwise hard to reach. At this point, you can also force him to take on different poses which will factor into your combo multiplier for the run.

Once your ragdoll hits his first object, you’ll have access to something called “Ooch!” which refills every few seconds as long as he’s still moving and can be used to push him into more advantageous positions for continuing your run (like into the street where he can be hit by a car). A stronger “Super Ooch” can also be activated once a round by shaking the Sixaxis up and down repeatedly.

The last major ability in your arsenal is a bit finnicky to use, but essential in creating big combos (as well required in the Mime Toss event): grabbing. Using the face buttons, you can shoot out your hand in the four cardinal directions and latch onto any object that you may encounter.

So there’s a bit more depth to the initial formula if you can look past the Jackass-inspired exterior, but Pain’s starting content is sparse and this is where my biggest beef with the game lies: it’s obvious that they’re trying to nickel-and-dime you with microtransactions to get a full experience. I realize this is sort of supposed to be a “pain playground,” but when your playground is the size of a packing peanut, you start to wish there was a lot more to it very quickly. It spans about two “city blocks” total and you can’t even change the position of your slingshot. There’s an “aftermath” mode you can select after reaching 1.5 million points, but that merely changes the places of some of the NPCs/objects.

Likewise, I was expecting a more structured set of challenges. There are only three single-player modes, and only two of those have medals that you can earn, one for each difficulty. Multiplayer modes don’t fare a whole lot better, especially since they’re currently reserved for local matches. The promised online features aren’t in this revision and the only one that made it (leaderboards) isn’t working properly.

It would be almost acceptable if it wasn’t so clear that they’re going to make you pay for this stuff later on. There are already characters on the selection screen that you can’t “choose,” because you haven’t downloaded them yet (and don’t get looking on the Playstation Store, because they aren’t there, either). Take a look at the official FAQ, and you’ll see that the answer to any question about content is that “you’ll be able to download it on the Playstation Store when it becomes available” (to paraphrase). It’s here that the marketing department truly reveals itself and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

With features missing and a lack of content in the core package, the only real draw is how much fun you might have repeatedly flinging your dude into a building and how many points you can get from doing so. Even then, boredom creeps in after about half an hour of play. I’m normally not one for “value judgments” in reviews, but considering the obvious setup of Pain’s piecemeal structure, I feel compelled to say that it’s not quite worth the $9.99 asking price. Until it gets discounted, you’re better off spending your money on Everyday Shooter or Super Stardust HD.

• Study Suggests Videogames Work Better Than Medication For Chronic Pain
• Ratchet: Quest For Booty Debuts at E3
• Sony Brings The PAIN, New In Game Advertising Model
• GDC 08: Mini Thin Rush Six Hour Energy Drink Video Review
• Wii Review: Ghost Squad
• Playstation Store Update: 10-29-07
• Kojima: Violence in Games is Important – If Done Right
• Two MGS4 Reviews: Same Words, Different Scores

No Comments »