EA Isn’t Evil, Just Misunderstood
by John Landis on July 20, 2008 at 6:26 am
Peter Moore, the latest to be assimilated.
Every time EA pops up in the news, there is always this negative vibe that goes along with it. It’s not fair, I say. Yes, EA is a giant corporation that only cares about how much money they can make… but that isn’t any different than any other company out there, video game or otherwise. People complain that EA is a monopoly, or that they’re soon going to be, and their power leads to a lack of innovation in the video game industry. I say, it’s not their fault, it’s yours.
That’s right, EA is the one that should be bitching about you. Everyone always complains that their sports games are just the same thing every year with no real innovation behind them, yet Madden makes records pretty much every year, it seems. The problem with people is that you need control, you just don’t want to know you’re being controlled. EA’s problem is that they give people what they need and that makes people resentful.
Listen to them! Every acquisition EA makes is just one more step to perfection. Imagine the things of beauty that could come about if all developers were all controlled by one powerful over-mind. A collective of developers and publishers, all acting in concert to make the very best-selling games of all time. You say you want innovation, yet every innovative game that comes out has piss-poor sales because people don’t “get it.” Sequels and long-running franchises continue to use the same formulas for every iteration and sell more and more with every number added to the end of the title.
Small publishers cannot innovate and be successful in this market. EA allows these small developers to flourish under the watchful gaze of the collective that is EA. Even companies that can manage on their own bow to the will of EA. Valve and id come to mind. Who else would they turn to? Resistance is futile! What did Bioware/Pandemic ever do before they were assimilated into the EA mega-corp? Nothing! Now that they’re with EA, I expect big things from them. Big things with lots of numbers after the title. Mass Effect 2, Mercenaries 2, Destroy All Humans 50. Everything must have numbers after it. Dragon Age is really a code name for Jade Empire 2!
“Thanks to EA, we don’t ever have to stop working, even to eat!”
You think some no name indie developer like Valve could make all those games with numbers after it? Hell no! Look how long it took them to make Half-Life 2! Once they made a deal with EA, HL2 didn’t just come out on every system known to man, but came with two extra games! THAT, my friends, is the power that EA offers.
In spite of everything that EA offers us on a regular basis (classics like Battlefield and The Sims; great leaps forward in the way gamers interact with the Internet, like weapon power-ups or cheat codes that cost real money; being able to download a fully powered-up character without having to spend one second actually playing the game), you ungrateful bastards still find a reason to bitch. How?
Fan service in the form of expansion packs and stuff packs are released so often that you’ll never have to be bored with your favorite games as long as you have the money to keep them flowing steadily into your home. And lets not forget the yearly innovation we get with the EA sports titles. You don’t need the stupid nets or on-field refs. EA has decreed that these things are trivial. What you need is five bucks to download your favorite teams classic jersey.
EA’s Headquarters, located in the Delta Quadrant.
Yes, some will try to resist, but we all know resistance is futile. Companies like Take-Two should just lower their lawyers and surrender their stock. Their long running brands and name recognition will be added to EA’s own. Their development studios will live to serve EA.
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6 Comments » |
on July 20, 2008 8:47 am
Thought this was going to be a serious article, but I lol’d. I hate EA and all their crap.
on July 20, 2008 11:22 am
Cookigaki hates EA. EA wants to gobble up Cookigaki but Cookigaki says NO! EA wants to persuade Cookigaki with hamburgers and cheap women but Cookigaki still says NO! You know what EA? COOKIGAKI DOES NOT APPROVE!
on July 20, 2008 7:57 pm
Blah…..EA…..sports games……..major suckage…….oh yeah, one more time…..Blah…
on July 21, 2008 12:50 am
If you have to ask, what bioware and pandemic have done, before they were assimlated into ea, you are nothing more than a fool and definitely not a gamer.
on July 21, 2008 2:09 am
Mark, you obviously have not developed the ability to detect sarcasm.
on July 21, 2008 6:21 am
I appreciate your fervor, Mark, but Dan is right: you missed the sarcasm there. I’m a huge fan of Bioware, though in all honesty I don’t really care about Pandemic one way or another. I was a huge fan of Bioware when they only did the Infinity Engine and worked with Black Isle Studios, and that loss saddens me to this day. Baldur’s Gate was one of the greatest crpgs of all time, surpassed only by Black Isle’s Fallout. I love Mass Effect and KotOR and can’t wait to see what the company does next, though I wait cautiously since EA grabbed hold of them.
Hey, at least now I know why they have to put disclaimers on some advertisements.