Because you as our reader can’t see the many emails that get passed around whenever news breaks, I thought that I would share some of them with you.

The following team email chain started when Justin announced that he would be writing up the latest “GTA taught me how to…” claim consisting of three teens getting arrested for making car bombs. Enjoy.

From: Justin
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

Car bombing teens say “We learned how to make Molotov cocktails by playing GTA.”

…and anything else for “Take Out the Trash Day.”

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From: John
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

I learned how to reload an M60 from CoD4.

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From: Roly
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

GTA taught me how to open a car door, punch someone, pull them out, and get in, only to drive away. Can you write about me now too?

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From: Justin
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

I learned how to extract fluid from small children from Bioshock.

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From: Roly
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

I think we have a winner.

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From: Wade
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

Pffft. I learned how to run around darkened rooms munching magic pills alternately chasing and being chased by ghosts, all while listening to repetitive electronic music from Pac-Man years ago.

and don’t even get me started on jumping on mushroom men and fighting giant lizards.

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From: Roly
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

I learned how to use the force from Soul Calibur IV.

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From: Justin
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

Old-school street cred is meaningless when Turok teaches you how to hunt dinosaurs. Which could prove to be handy one day. Just like hunting zombies.

Resident Evil only helped me run awkwardly and get chewed on like a piece of beef jerky.

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From: Roly
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

Welp, everybody does say the zombie apocalypse is coming. Quick! Pick one person and one weapon you’d like to have with you in a mall filled with zombies, Dawn of the Dead style!

I pick Jessica Alba, for lifetime dream come true reasons. And a bionic arm, like Rad Spencer, because, that’d just be, like, rad!

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From: Justin
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

After reading the Zombie Survival Guide I’d have to say a crowbar or a katana. Both are economical, quiet, and have multiple uses. Unlike my ex.

As for whom I would take with me… probably Mila Jovovich. Cute and already has the required skill set.

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From: Wade
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

I would like a lightsaber and mace windu. because if you can fight an army of droids with lasers a mall full of slow, shambling zombies will be a peace of cake.

Unless, we’re talking real life here. In which case, I’d go with the katana as well. And someone who is a very good shot. Because what good is a girl if you’re fighting a horde of undead?! its not like you can have… carnal relations while the undead are swarming.

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From: Roly
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

No man, this is the 28 Days Later, Left 4 Dead variety of zombies. They’re fast, evil, brain hungry, and relentless.

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From: Wade
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

I still go with the Jedi plan.

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From: Roly
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

Ahah, fair enough.

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From: Justin
To: Team
Subject: Working on…

If it’s 28 Days Later fast-moving zombies, then I’m going with a Benelli semi-automatic shotgun and a good pair of running shoes.

As for whom I’d bring… doesn’t matter, as long as they are slower than me.

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Well, there you have it. This is apparently what video games have taught my insane team of writers here at Ripten. What have video games taught you?

P.S. We can not protect you from any legal action brought upon you if you choose to share punishable acts that you have commited in the name of your video game education.

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