San Francisco is apparently a hotspot for zombie activity. With several zombie attacks in recent memory, a group of daring individuals devised a plan to funnel all of the undead Rice-A-Roni’s into a secure location. This Saturday, August 16th, radio-attraktor towers will be powered on that will telepathically guide the zombies to an “undisclosed location” where they will be dealt with.

One warning, though: The radio-attraktors will cause the zombies to crave duct tape instead of human flesh, so don’t traipse about San Francisco with any duct tape on you unless you desire to be living impaired.

(May be somewhat unsafe for work)

The San Francisco Zombie Mob put out a warning that stated:

We will turn on the radio-attraktor towers at 2:05pm on Saturday, August 16th. All zombies in the area will be telepathically compelled to march down a route which we will disclose in a future email. The radio waves will also cause undead to crave duct tape instead of human flesh. If you are unfortunate enough to be standing along the route with a duct tape “X” on your torso, you will be attacked and consumed by the horde, after which you will be one of them. Don’t wear your favorite shirt.

Please, please tell your friends and family not to be anywhere near the route at 2:05pm this Saturday! Have them sign up for updates or follow the movement live on Twitter with up-to-the-minute zombie migration forecast, Beijing Olympic protest style. If we loose radio control of the mob, the result will be catastrophically gruesome!

Here’s some video showing the ghastly event from last year:

I don’t know how any of these zombie girls make it through the day without being sexually harassed, what with all the biting and clothes-ripping. Seems to me this is a zombie lawsuit waiting to happen.  Perhaps they just didn’t think about that and, dare I say, bit off more than they could chew?  Har har har!

These zombie chicks are either having a great time or feel incredibly violated (it’s always hard to tell with zombie chicks).

In all seriousness, though, I find this to be incredibly irresponsible.  What will we do when the zombies really do attack?  We will all be laughing and videotaping and talking about how real it looks.  Haven’t you ever heard the story of the boy who cried “zombie”?  These shenanigans need to stop!

Tags: boobs, duct tape, radio-attraktor, San Fran, San Francisco, Zombie Mob, zombies

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1 Comment » Tomonoatmeal Cookigaki on August 15, 2008 9:28 am Everything attacks with boobs, and the only way too beat them is to out-boob them! Cookigaki knows this to be fact! Have you not played Cookigaki’s games? It’s all pretty obvious! Games that are too unrealistic by featuring no boobs are games of which Cookigaki does not approve! RSS feed for comments on this post. Comment Now Note: Commenting on Ripten does not currently require registration, however to be eligible for contests on the site, you must be a registered user. Name (required) Mail (will not be published) (required) Website Commenting Rules: No hate speech allowed. If you must argue, please debate intelligently. Comments containing selected keywords or outbound links will be put into moderation to help prevent spam. Ripten reserves the right to delete comments and ban anyone who doesn't follow the rules. Thanks. Notify me of followup comments Tired of the Goomba? Upload your own custom comment avatar.