Who Needs $5,700 When You Have a Wii?
Senior citizens were horrified to learn that their Nintendo Wii was stolen from the Northeastern Senior Community Center in Mount Wolf, PA. The missing $2,700 in cash, the $3,000 in checks — they don’t care about that. They just want their Nintendo Wii back, stating “Give us our Wii back, you assholes!”
Okay, they didn’t say that exactly, but they still want their Wii back… you assholes.
The senior center, located in the basement of the Otterbein United Methodist Church, was actually robbed twice in the past few years. In fact, this happened in my home town and I know where all of this is and how easily it would be to rob that place, but this statement is totally not an admission of guilt. Anyhow…
The thieves are apparently so hard up for some shit to steal that they actually took the cough drops out of the executive director’s desk. But the old peeps don’t care about the cough drops either. According to the executive director, they only miss the freedom and excitement a Nintendo Wii magically gives to the geriatric and not the money that was to be used to make the senior center bigger, better, and more badass. It’s cool that we continually hear these stories about how the Wii makes old people feel less dead, but I find it odd that they now don’t care about anything else in life except the Wii.
Do they not realize that they could buy, like, twenty Wii’s with the amount of money that was stolen? Do they not realize that cough drops can be planted in the yard and grow into trees bearing Wii fruit? Okay, I made that one up (and I hope that was obvious), but I still find this sad situation has been made somewhat stranger by the fact that these old people are now jonesing for some Wii action. Luckily, some local dealer donated money to buy a new one to prevent an irate elderly zombie rage, but it could still take up to a year of fund-raising to replace all of the money that was stolen.
The senior center has since been outfitted with a security system. Smart move.
Source: The York Daily Record
