Who Needs $5,700 When You Have a Wii?
by Dan Landis on November 12, 2008 at 1:43 am
Senior citizens were horrified to learn that their Nintendo Wii was stolen from the Northeastern Senior Community Center in Mount Wolf, PA. The missing $2,700 in cash, the $3,000 in checks — they don’t care about that. They just want their Nintendo Wii back, stating “Give us our Wii back, you assholes!”
Okay, they didn’t say that exactly, but they still want their Wii back… you assholes.
The senior center, located in the basement of the Otterbein United Methodist Church, was actually robbed twice in the past few years. In fact, this happened in my home town and I know where all of this is and how easily it would be to rob that place, but this statement is totally not an admission of guilt. Anyhow…
The thieves are apparently so hard up for some shit to steal that they actually took the cough drops out of the executive director’s desk. But the old peeps don’t care about the cough drops either. According to the executive director, they only miss the freedom and excitement a Nintendo Wii magically gives to the geriatric and not the money that was to be used to make the senior center bigger, better, and more badass. It’s cool that we continually hear these stories about how the Wii makes old people feel less dead, but I find it odd that they now don’t care about anything else in life except the Wii.
Do they not realize that they could buy, like, twenty Wii’s with the amount of money that was stolen? Do they not realize that cough drops can be planted in the yard and grow into trees bearing Wii fruit? Okay, I made that one up (and I hope that was obvious), but I still find this sad situation has been made somewhat stranger by the fact that these old people are now jonesing for some Wii action. Luckily, some local dealer donated money to buy a new one to prevent an irate elderly zombie rage, but it could still take up to a year of fund-raising to replace all of the money that was stolen.
The senior center has since been outfitted with a security system. Smart move.
Source: The York Daily Record
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13 Comments » |
on November 12, 2008 2:13 am
I’m pretty elderly myself, and I don’t think if I lost my Wii I would turn into a zombie.
on November 12, 2008 2:18 am
I’m pretty sure you would kill yourself if you lost your Wii. I don’t have one because I have a vagina.
on November 12, 2008 2:30 am
zombie vaginas?
on November 12, 2008 2:35 am
Yes, my vagina is definitely hungry for brains… and money.
on November 12, 2008 3:02 am
Well this comment section certainly went in an unexpected direction…
on November 12, 2008 4:17 am
Cookigaki likes this direction and wants SeasonedSalt to know that Cookigaki’s huge boner is made of brains and money and you are free to eat it. Cookigaki most definitely approves.
on November 12, 2008 4:59 am
when ever I see that cookie face picture, it always make me laugh:P
on November 12, 2008 5:04 am
You laugh at Cookigaki’s face? Cookigaki does not approve!
on November 12, 2008 5:21 am
Yeah I agree. Cookigaki is funny.
on November 12, 2008 6:14 am
Cookigaki is the greatest cookie ever to have lived.
On a side note, the robbers must have been other seniors. Nobody else would want a Wii, surely.
on November 12, 2008 8:16 pm
Hey,SeasonedSalt…. you got a greedy vigina…. well hope your greedy vigina finds a greedy penis they will be great couples hahahaha…
ps the comments here are stupid lol
on November 12, 2008 8:21 pm
Yes, and you certainly didn’t help.
on November 12, 2008 10:32 pm
No, it doesn’t work when both are greedy. I was just kidding anyways. I don’t care about money, I only care about looks :)