The Watercooler – Paint Out Your Ass Edition

The Watercooler

Warning: The Watercooler is the best thing you will see on the Internet today, mainly because it is the best thing I saw on the Internet yesterday. Be advised that these Watercooler stories are not necessarily videogame related (they usually won’t be), and are often silly, controversial, and/or not safe for work (NSFW). If this type of content frequently offends you, please be aware that I just warned you — if you still click through and get offended, it will be your own stupid fault. Otherwise, please continue…

Today’s Watercooler features a very perplexing ad for a product most of us are familiar with. Following the trend of the last few years in which commercials have absolutely nothing to do with the product they are advertising, this commercial features some nice fat dude shooting paint out of his ass.

That’s right. Paint out of his ass.

I usually say “You’re welcome” here, but I’m not sure if anyone’s thanking me on this one. Seriously, though, I’d like to here some suggestions on how this ad makes any kind of sense at all. The only thing I’m sure of is that Microsoft are some sick bastards and the Zune is apparently a painted piece of shit.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

UPDATE: According to some guy from YouTube, this video is “not officially sanctioned by Microsoft”. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.

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  • Tomonoatmeal Cookigaki

    Cookigaki is as intrigued as Cookigaki is disgusted. Cookigaki believes commercial represents how Microsoft takes whatever comes out of ass and says “this is art, buy it”. Cookigaki doesn’t know how to interpret it any other way.

  • Vaj is Delicious

    I’m gonna have to agree with cookie face.

  • Dr. Muhbutwiches

    OMGWTFBBQLOL!?!?!? I mean, um, it is my professional opinion that this commercial is pretty fucked up.

  • Dylan Duarte

    fuck you Dan

  • Dan Landis

    Dildawg, what did I do?

  • AMC

    As an artist, I see what MS was going with. However, they failed horribly in any attempts at being cool OR ironic.

  • Allen

    Atleast make a hot chick do this.

  • Dan Landis

    Hey, finally something we can agree on.

  • AMC

    Agreed Allen. Chicks even like other chick’s asses, so its win-win.

  • SeasonedSalt

    It’s true. I like chick asses and I’m not gay or anything. Chicks are just nice to look at because we are beautifully shaped, unlike bulky men. Where’s The Whaler, I know she agrees with this.

  • R

    And I get an ‘ew’ when I lick the salt out of my crisp packets?!

    …I would have thought it’d be even more interesting to have a dog doing this. Just without the paint. Or canvas. Or projectile-iasion. Its a word.

  • nick

    At least the Xbox commercials were creepy yet relevant. This video makes me think Microsoft is taking shots (not like the ones in the video) at art, kind of like saying “you pull/shoot things out of your ass and call it art”. In a few cases, yeah, it’s true…but..eww.. If i bought a zune, and stopped for a second to admire my newly purchased device, I don’t want to think of a fat hairy man’s crusty/painfilled rectum..and the fact I paid money for it.

  • http://myspace.com/barcodemafiapwnd Chris

    R is super hawt. Just sayin’

  • Dylan Duarte

    You made me watch this!

    Well, you didn’t make me, but I trusted the Watercooler! NOW I DON’T KNOW TO TRUST

  • AMC

    @SeasonedSalt:

    When I look at a women it is strictly art appreciation.

  • Abaddon

    I knew that the disclaimer warning for this article was there for a reason,but damn,at least they could’ve used a short asian lady instead of a uh…big hairy dude.

    So the key to make transgressor ads involving nude scenes without being marked as sexist is to overwhelm the censors mind with Mr.Pilosity Mcbacon,shitting 24-bit RGB shit legs wide open over a virgin canvas,until the censors say they don’t even want to talk about it anymore.I would be confused too.

  • Sy

    That like something Sony would do.

  • The Whaler

    @SeasonedSalt: Heck yes :D

    *goes lady huntin*

  • Abaddon

    @Sy,
    Sony would first put some midgets dancing and lurking in the dark,making disgusting burtonian squeakings with mouths where their eyes should be,then the big man appears and shits all over their faces.