PC Review: Stalin vs. Martians
“Stalin vs. Martians” just about sums this game up. There’s not much to this game. That’s why there aren’t that many words in this review. Go ahead, hit the jump.
As I say, Stalin vs. Martians is not a complicated game. The basics of the game are true to the RTS genre; selecting your units and ordering them to fight is done in exactly the way you might expect. The thing is about this RTS, though, is that the “S” for strategy is missing. As far as I can gather, the best way to win is to select all your units and rampage across the map with them, collecting coins and the like to be able to buy more units and refill your health. Because of this, it’s really a difficult game. Since you can’t use strategy properly, it’s hard to take down the army of Martians that outnumber you heavily. There are a few types of unit, but it’s not really that impressive and they seem to behave too similarly to be of any use.
Aesthetically, the game disappoints. The sounds, while silly and fitting, sound like they were done at the last minute by one man in his shed, and the graphics seem like they’re from the Cold War era. Fitting, sure, but they really are quite bad.
The game’s redeeming feature is the complete insanity and silliness that it brings. The units have some pretty funny quips that they come out with, the loading screens (like the one above) are ridiculous, and the options menu has an option that does nothing but ask you if you like cats. In a way, the sheer amount of stupid humour in this game makes it worth buying. I certainly found it to be Stalintastic.
So, the gist of this review? Stalin vs. Martians is a simple game that is not very good, but is slightly redeemed by its silly sense of humour. My recommendation: buy it if you can get it for less than $10 or so.
