Grishnákh’s Choice: Man Forced to Choose Between Average Wife and Awesome Orc Statue

In probably the most justified case for divorce/domestic violence in the known universe, a man was forced to make the ultimate decision- his wife of questionable attractiveness or a six-foot tall orc statue of unquestionable awesomeness. And he chose the wife! I know! Ridiculous, right! Apparently his wife decided she was just too inadequate to live in the same house as an awesome collectible such as a life-sized orc statue, she said it was too imposing because it towered over her. Well, tough nuts tootse. You don’t ask a guy to choose between an orc and what I’m sure is sex so exciting that involves the missionary position and the lights off. Not to mention whatever else it is married people do. Shopping for linens or something.

Sir. Whipped of Whippedsylvania had this to say:

She said there wasn’t any room for him in our life. I’ve had him for six years but Dee means more to me, so he had to go.

That Orc had probably supported her husband long before they met, and would have supported him long after their inevitable divorce when he grows to resent her for slowly changing who he is. Now he is stuck with a battle axe instead of a creature who can actually WIELD a battle axe! Not only that, but he did this all so he could move to CANADA. Seriously. Let’s just make sure we have this right: A guy owned an absolutely awesome Orc statue (+1) but got rid of it (-1) so he could get married (-Fun, -Freedom, -Sex Life) and move to Canada (+Poutine, +Milk in Bags). This is probably the worst trade since grade school when someone traded me a Prince of Thralls, Stream of Life, and a Spearbreaker Behemoth for my ability to do the Pokemon 99 item exploit on Gameboy.

No word on whether or not she let him keep his dignity. Considering this is in the news, I’m going to go with a “no” on that one. Oh, and just in case people think I’m not serious about how horrible of a choice this was- I once broke up with a girl because she thought fullscreen movies were just as good as widescreen movies. This was definitely grounds for a divorce.

[Source: Scottish Sun]