For the past few weeks, David Jaffe had been telling everyone through every possible means of communication that there would be no new Twisted Metal, nor was it something that was more than a desire of his to do in the future. I actually saw a smoke signal the other day that said “Not Working on Twisted Metal” and the signals of Gondor were lit in a pattern to tell us that Jaffe wouldn’t even be at E3. These were both lies and will most likely be viewed negatively when Jaffe gets to the afterlife and they attempt to balance his sins with a feather on an enormous scale.
Luckily for Jaffe, the gods use a pretty damn heavy feather, and luckily for us Jaffe was full of shit. Not only was Jaffe at E3 after all, but he felated our ocular nerves with a preview of the newest Twisted Metal game. Not only a preview, but actual gameplay to boot. While I was watching the beautiful carnage and letting the waves of nostalgia sweep over me like a baby wipe over a pornstar after filming, I couldn’t help but think that the game seemed really polished and complete for a title that, as far as we knew, didn’t even actually exist before that moment.
Today it was revealed why the game seemed so complete. David Jaffe, in an exchange with another user of the internet’s second favorite self-gratification service- Twitter, revealed that the newest Twisted Metal incarnation has been in development for roughly 18 months. This makes the fact nobody had any actual idea that it was happening even more impressive. In the 8th grade I couldn’t even keep it a secret that my best friend got to second base with Susan Murphy behind the bleachers even though she told Jeff Crandle she would go to the homecoming dance with him, so I couldn’t even imagine a large group of people developing one of the most well anticipated games of the current generation keeping that one quiet.
Of course, Jaffe could be bullshitting us again and the game could have only been started earlier that week or something, but hey, who am I to doubt the truthliness of Twitter? Tweeting your testimony in court will probably replace swearing on the bible soon anyway.