4) A professional Wrestler takes one of his moves from a Tekken character

Who cares if wrestling is bullshit, did you just read that?  Holy anabolic steroids batman!  The guy’s name is Alvin Burke Jr.  better known by his ring name Montel Vontavious Porter (MVP). He is currently the IWGP Intercontinental Champion , but he is better known for his days on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). In 2007, he captured the WWE United States Championship, making it his first title reign with the company. His reign was the longest since WWE came into possession of the championship in 2001 and the third longest in the title’s entire history. That same year, MVP captured the WWE Tag Team Championship alongside Matt Hardy. He won the United States Championship for the second time on March 17, 2009, becoming a God among oily men.

Helping his followers fight lung cancer. The manly way.

Anyway, you didn’t click on this article to read about men in dreadlocks and how good they are at fighting. You probably just kept reading until I, hopefully, explain how MVP performs a perfect Hadouken. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it´s nothing like that. The move he took from the Tekken series is his own finisher called Malicious Intent. He performs this move by spinning his feet in the air in order to kick his opponent in the face, destroying his will to live along with his cranium.

In an interview with IGN.com he explains how this move was inspired by the Tekken character Eddy Gordo. Eddy is an Afro-Brazilian fighter who was introduced to the series in Tekken 3 in 1997. His style of fighting is called capoeira, a form of Brazilian art which combines martial arts with dancing. No, not like that break dancing scene in Zoolander…  It is known by quick and complex moves, using mainly power kicks and quick leg sweeps, with some ground and aerial acrobatics, knee strikes, take-downs, elbow strikes, punches and headbutts. Eddy Gordo has since, appeared in most of the games in the series.

He was also a member of Milli Vanilli.

MVP being a huge Eddy Gordo fan and a raging psycopath, decided to create a move imitating Gordo´s style. A long time has gone by since he last performed it, as he now has newer finishers, but at least he left us with an awesome, awesome story. Thank God for steroid infused lunatics.

 

3) Politician uses video games in his campaign  

C´mon, politics? I must be lying now. Fortunately, I’m not. Some dude actually used video game images in his campaign for the 2010 New York gubernatorial elections. This man is ,of course, Carl Pasquale Paladino, an American businessman and political activist from Buffalo, New York. Paladino is considered to be a real life loose cannon, which in political circles means wearing brown socks with a black suit. Anyway, you probably don´t even care who the fuck this guy is, so here´s an image he used for his campaign against Cuomo:

That is one of the actual images he used in his electoral campaign. The face in that image was of his, at the time, opponent, Andrew Cuomo. He depicted him as Mario Jr. because Cuomo´s father, named Mario, was formerly the governor of New York and was claiming that “Andrew Has Been Playing the Albany Game for 30 Years.” Well that doesn´t make any fucking sense Paladino. If he has been “playing the game”, why the fuck is he depicted as the actual in-game character? Wouldn’t Cuomo be the gamer and Albany be the the character in your little metaphor?

Yeah... That´s what I though Paladino.

The flyer, along with the rest of his campaign was so lame that Cuomo effortlessly won the elections scooping up 61% of the total votes. It was to be expected as his candidacy was mainly supported by something called the Tea Party movement. People don´t like it when their country is ran by something that sounds like a bunch of pussies running around drinking tea. We like to support things called  ”maximum voltage eruption global economists” instead.

 

2) Fat kid loses 150 Pounds Thanks to his Addiction to Video Games

Taylor Labron, a 297 pound 14 year old from Georgia, practically cut his size in half using something he calls “The Ultimate Fitness Game”.  I’m not talking about one of those fitness games your sister plays with the hot girls on the cover. Labron didn’t give a shit about those, he created his own. He might,  occasionally, stare at those covers though.

He´s only human after all.

It all started when while in sixth grade, he dropped one of his books and when he bent over to pick it up, some asshole pointed at him and said “Look, Taylor has a double chin!”.  That was the moment that still haunts him to this day, but it took him several years and some more weight gain to make it real for him. The day he stepped on a scale and watched it make a face only people taking a real hard shit make, was when he decided to do something about those 297 pounds.

 He knew one of his problems was gathering dust while playing videogames, but he also knew that video games are far too awesome, so he devised a way to defeat his problems using some of the mechanics he learned while gaming. I’m not saying he started imagining murdering aliens while vomiting manly one-liners or that he started killing rats with a sword in his free time, this is not a story about a crazy person.

Besides, that job is already taken.

In devising his Ultimate Fitness Game, LeBaron calculated how many calories — converted to money — he had to spend each day. He set about going through a maze of rooms without running out of dough; for example, eating a cookie would cost him 200 points. Exercising upped his cash reserves.

Dude dropped 150 in the course of three years. That´s quite impressive for a 14 year old to do on his own without any help from any fitness program. If you consider how someone can spend 40+ hours obtaining an Xbox Achievement or a PS3 Trophy it isn´t hard to imagine how Labron got addicted to his own game, and here´s the result:

How awesome must he feel? Shedding off every nasty thing said to him with each pound, overcoming his biggest demon, getting to say “Fuck You!” to so many people. Even his mother and grandmother lost 120 pounds between them playing Taylor´s game. We could all learn something from this guy, that is why I am creating the Ultimate Game to to rule the world. I will remember the positive feedback I get here when I become president of the world.

 

1) Video Game Weddings

Believe it or not this is an actual thing, and it´s not as weird as it sounds. And no, I’m not talking about that freak who married a videogame character. These are actual weddings with real guests, cake and drunk uncles. These are carefully elaborated video game themed weddings and are usually held between couples who work in the gaming industry or hardcore fanatics. I don´t know who my wife will be yet, but im about 90% sure this will never happen in my wedding:

"It´s hard as fuck to see through this visor, we´re just gonna have to skip over to the part with all the kissing, sorry guys."

One great example of one of these was the 8-bit wedding between Kelly, a game designer, and Chris, a web developer. They decided to have a very original pixeled celebration. They did awesome stuff like pixelled wedding invitations and centerpieces using over 30,000 Lego bricks.

If you see this kind of thing anywhere else it means you are having a stroke.

They even had the band play with instruments from RockBand instead of real life musical instruments. They also had some Mario kart in there and a very nice 8-bit-looking wedding cake.

And what nuptial ceremony can be complete without a black guy crying in the background? Not this one, that´s for fucking sure.

There are more of these types of weddings each day and they actually look like a lot of fun. This is only for people who don´t give a fuck about what everyone else thinks of their awesomeness. I bet even you don´t think it´s as stupid as you thought it was when you first read the title, huh?

We can always count on video games to make weird shit happen. Some may consider the gaming industry a form of fine art and some might even see it as a highly competitive sport, however no matter how we choose to see it, very passionate people can always be found around it.  As David Spade would say in that movie in which he played that a ridiculously awesome redneck: Keep on keeping on, people.

Aaaaand cue the cakes: