Marky Mark’s Terrorist Vibrations: Exclusive First Look

In a recent interview, Mark Wahlberg made some comments about how he would have stopped 9/11 from happening.  While many were up in arms about his words, it turns out that the whole thing was just a PR stunt to garner attention for his upcoming video game Marky Mark’s Terrorist Vibrations.  RipTen got a chance to sit down with M-Dub himself as he walked us through an exclusive first look at the game.

Mark tells us the basic premise:

“Once upon a time, the most attractive man in the universe was taking a flight around the world to teach people how to work out and shit.  His name was Marky Mark.  He’s, like, really dope.  Soon after the plane takes off, a few guys jump out of their seats screaming in some space language, and in the process, they cause Mark to spill his protein smoothie.  Mildly annoyed, he just turns up the volume on his mp3 player and begins to prepare himself another smoothie.  But wait… what happened to his milk?  He looks over to see one of the screaming men with a milk mustache!  Oh my god, right?!  This fills the young stud with so much funky bunchedness that he can’t contain it any longer.  He has no other option but to dance.”

As the game begins, we find a shirtless Marky Mark at the back of the plane.  In classic 2D side-scrolling action, we push right on the D-pad to walk forward as terrorists move in to confront us.  We have several options of attack here.  Hitting the A button causes our character to open a dialogue with the enemies.  He talks about his movies and is generally pleasant.  This causes the terrorists to be stunned with confusion, and we are able to walk right past them.  Another move involves timed button presses to wow the enemy with Marky Mark’s epic jump-roping skills, again stunning them and allowing us to move past them.  “I only like to be violent in real life and movies,” Mark tells us.  “My kids will be playing this game, bitch.”

We notice the ‘Funky Bar‘ and ask what that’s all about.  “Aw yeah!  You hold in this trigger button to go into dance mode, then you can hit the buttons to do different moves that fill up the Funky Bar.  Once that’s maxed out, you can unleash the Good Vibrations, which summons the mystic powers of backup vocals.  It literally blows their minds.”  We try it and have the video below to show what that’s like.

We continue down the length of the plane until we reach the front.  Here we’re faced with the door to the cabin and a boss fight with the captain.

“Check it.  So, like, the door’s locked and shit, right?  But you don’t got no key, so how you supposed to get in there?  I’ll give you a hint:  Calvin Klein underwear is really durable.  But once you get in, you and the captain have a rap battle.  Winner gets to decide where to crash the plane.  I’d crash it at the airport so everyone would be safe, duh.  Or maybe New Zealand.  I always wanted to go there.  Either way, 9/11 doesn’t happen if you win.  It’s like, people love you so much that they remove the 11th from September’s calendar.”

We had a hard time understanding why we’d fight the captain of the plane once all the terrorists were taken care of.

“It’s like this:  the captain is in charge but all these milk-stealers were somehow still allowed on the plane.  The captain’s supposed to screen that shit.  So he either didn’t do his job or he’s one of them.  So obviously I have to rap with that guy.”

Seems pretty simple, and planes aren’t that big, so isn’t this a little limited in content?

“Yo, we got tons of side missions.  One of them is like a Rubik’s cube that shows you how to get huge pecs.  Part of my goal is to teach people to not be pussies, to not just sit around while starving kids in Africa are wishing they could do more sit-ups, and to eat more chicken.  It’s educational for kids.”

Marky Mark’s Terrorist Vibrations is being developed for XBLA, PSN, PC, and Sega Master System.  What’s up with the Master System?

“Yo, you ever play Sonic?  Nuff said, muthafucka.”

We then informed Mr. Mark that Sonic was never on the Master System.

“Whatever, bitch.  Don’t make me Golden Axe you!”

Fair enough.

We’ll keep you updated as the game nears release.

Words by Dan. Video and images by Chad. Concept enhanced when their powers combine.

You can find Dan (@ManMandis) and Chad (@TheMadGamer) hanging out on Twitter daily, humiliating the innocent and making the world a funnier place.

Check out some of our other “Exclusive First Looks”

• Vagina Hero: Equal parts music-rhythm game, simulation, and real-time strategy. Basically what I’m saying is that it’s complicated.
• Wii New Year’s Eve:  The most realistic simulation of a New Year’s Eve celebration without actually having to step in vomit on the streets.
• Jersey Shore Kinect: HairGel Games gives us an exclusive first look at Jersey Shore: Kinect.