RipTen Videogame Blog » Sam Naylor

The Watercooler: Those Aussies Are Pretty Loose

Sam Naylor — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:00:55 +0000

Warning: The Watercooler is the best thing you will see on the Internet today, mainly because it is the best thing I saw on the Internet yesterday. Be advised that The Watercooler is not necessarily videogame related (it usually won’t be), and is often silly, controversial, and/or not safe for work (NSFW). If this type of content frequently offends you, please be aware that I just warned you — if you still click through and get offended, it will be your own stupid fault. Otherwise, please continue…

As a Brit, I can’t help but feel a certain affinity with the Aussies. For a start, they have a delightful array of accents, but the main reason is that they spell words properly. Now they have a certain reputation- that they live free and don’t give two hoots about anything.

We just thank fuck that they don’t play in the 6 Nations.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to me via email: sam@ripten.com or on Twitter: @greeneggsnam. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

Ghost Recon Online Closed Beta Begins March

Sam Naylor — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 22:00:27 +0000

The closed beta for Ghost Recon Online will begin this March, and signups are already open.

You can apply for the closed beta of Ubisoft‘s new free-to-play Ghost Recon here, and it is due to start on the 5th of March this year.

Ubisoft have released a new trailer showing off the class system in the game:

I must admit I do find it kind of funny to see such an ugly-looking game being advertised in this way. It’s like being back in the PS2 days. I realise the browser-based nature of the game limits it but it still makes me laugh.

The Watercooler: Family Feud Trolling

Sam Naylor — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:00:29 +0000

This ones not really a video so much as an ‘audio’. In fact, that’s exactly what it is. What stands before you now is a prank call, made by a man posing as being from the Family Feud gameshow (called Family Fortunes here in the UK) asking a man a gigantic number of stupid questions. Just wait until he starts talking about fish- it’s brilliant.

Via [Reddit]

Killzone Re-Release for PS3 Delayed “Indefinitely”

Sam Naylor — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 18:00:03 +0000

Killzone‘s official Twitter page has said that a re-release of Killzone for PS3 has been delayed until further notice.

It said:

With regards to KZ1 for PS3, not sure what happened but I’ve been informed that it’s been delayed indefinitely.

This news comes despite the fact that Sony has said rumours of a re-release for Killzone 1 were “false“.

It’s a shame, since I think Killzone 1 was actually a rather good game- and I didn’t really like Killzone 2.

Ubisoft’s PC DRM Leaves Anno 2070 and Driver: San Francisco Unplayable

Sam Naylor — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:30:19 +0000

Ubisoft recently performed a server switch which led to some of its games being rendered unplayable (to paying customers only).

Two of the games which were left unplayable were Anno 2070 and Driver: San Francisco.

The company’s twitter account has apologised for the problems the server switch caused:

We apologize for the inconvenience, it seems some of you can’t connect to games announced as playable during migration.

Before the server switch Ubisoft had said that both Anno 2070 and Driver: San Francisco would not be affected. Of course, for pirates who do not experience DRM, they were right. Those players got better treatment than the paying ones.

The Watercooler: Kids These Days

Sam Naylor — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 03:00:12 +0000

Ever heard of Facebook? Me neither, but apparently it’s this thing kids use to say stupid things to each other. Things like this:

Forza 4 “American Le Mans Series Pack” Available Today

Sam Naylor — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:30:49 +0000

A new DLC pack for Forza 4, the “American Le Mans Series Pack”, is available from today.

The car pack focuses- as you might expect- on Le Mans cars, but there are some others in the mix too. A modified luxury car, an “E3 award winner,” and some proper old fashioned muscle are also in the lineup:

·         2011 #2 Audi Sport North America R18 TDI: Featuring a closed cockpit design (the first such Audi Le Mans car fielded in more than 10 years), the R18 is a marvel of modern racing design. Featuring a lighter materials and a premium on aerodynamic efficiency, it’s little wonder the R18 TDI brought home top honors during the 2011 24 Hours of Le Mans.
·         2011 Panoz #050 Panoz Racing Abruzzi: A five hundred horsepower engine that will feel right at home tearing down the straights of Le Mans, the Panoz Racing Abruzzi’s tusk-like front end marries unique styling with impressive performance.
·         2010 Dodge Quinton “Rampage” Jackson Challenger SRT8: Owned by UFC fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, this 2010 Dodge Challenger SRT8 is one of the most aggressive-looking cars ever seen in the Forza Motorsport series. With red and black rims that need to be seen to be believed, this Challenger will turn heads in Forza 4 the moment the race begins.
·         1991 Mazda #55 Team Mazdaspeed 787B: One of the most unique sounding cars in Forza 4, the Wankel rotary engine-equipped 787B is also legendary for its performance. It won the 1991 24 Hours of Le Mans race and the model was soon retired after FIA rules changes subsequently banned the use of Wankel-type rotary engines.
·         2011 Bentley Platinum Motorsports Continental GT: This Bentley Continental GT features a widebody construction that was custom created by Los Angeles-based Platinum Motorsports. The Continental GT looks great and features some serious power underneath the hood—two factors that contributed it to being selected as Forza Motorsport’s “E3 2011 Car of Show”.
·         1986 #2 Audi Sport quattro S1: Introduced in 1985 as a Group B rally entrant, this was the car that put Audi’s rallying program on the map. One of the most powerful Group B cars ever made, the quattro S1 held multiple hill climb world records in its day and is still widely regarded as one of the most incredible race cars Audi has produced.
·         1992 Alfa Romeo 155 Q4: A “compact executive” with the heart of a touring car, the 155 Q4 features a 2.0 liter turbocharged engine capable of 187 horsepower and an all-wheel drive drivetrain.
·         1995 Ford Mustang Cobra R: Long sought after by Forza’s Mustang fans, the 1995 Ford Mustang Cobra R is big and beefy American muscle at its finest. Its SVT-modified 5.8 liter Windsor V8 pumps out 300 horsepower and plenty of torque. The car’s legendary status is further enhanced by its rarity—just 250 Cobra R models were produced.
·         2011 Holden HSV GTS: More power, better handling, and new technology are all hallmarks of Holden’s 2011 HSV GTS. The car’s MRC suspension brings a responsive ride in the corners that, when coupled with the 6.2 liter V8, makes the GTS a joy to drive.
·         2011 Volkswagen Polo GTI: A great-looking hatchback with surprising grit underneath the hood, the 2011 Polo GTI packs a 1.4 liter twin charged engine combining both a turbocharger and a supercharger, belting out an impressive 177 horsepower in a compact size.

The pack is available from Xbox Live for 560 Microsoft Points.

Paradox CEO: Digital Distribution Makes Up Over 95% of Revenue

Sam Naylor — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:45:38 +0000

Paradox Ineractive CEO Fred Wester has said that over 95% of the company’s revenue comes from digital distribution.

He said:

My own experience of digital distribution is that we made 1.5 percent of our revenue from digital distribution in 2006, while the digital number in 2011 was over 95%. One of the reasons for this growth is that we have made a big push for digital, but the other reason is that customers always strive for more convenient forms to consume entertainment.

He makes a very good point, and one that backs up the idea of an all-digital future. It certainly is more convenient to download a game than going to the shops to buy it, and takes up less space in your house. Useful since we all have tiny houses thanks to all the bankers.

Via [RPS]

The Watercooler: Serj Orders a Coffee

Sam Naylor — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:00:10 +0000

Ever heard of System of a Down? They’re that band who sung ‘Chop Suey’, quite a while back now. Well, here’s the lead singer ordering a coffee.

Since there was no Watercooler yesterday, here’s a bonus video. It’s mad.

Hooray for short attention spans- today’s videos are both under 20 seconds long.

M. Bison, Akuma, Jin, and Ogre Confirmed for Street Fighter X Tekken

Sam Naylor — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:15:23 +0000

A handful of moveset images have inadvertently revealed M. Bison, Akuma, Jin, and Ogre for Street Fighter X Tekken.

The images were spotted by Taiwanese blog Gamer. You can find the moveset images below, if you’re interested in seeing what the movesets actually are.

There’s not much more to it than that, unfortunately. Stay tuned to Ripten for more Street Fighter, Tekken, and related news as it happens.

Via [Shoryuken]

The Watercooler: Treasure Map

Sam Naylor — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 03:00:31 +0000

Just a short sketch today, though it did make me laugh out loud so I think it’s worth showing you all. Enjoy:

It’s a bit of an obvious one but it’s done well. What in tarnation?

Ten Funny Scripted Video Game Jokes

Sam Naylor — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:00:44 +0000

Games can be funny. More often than not, it’s a glitch or quirk of the game can create hilarious results, or just the nature of the game (see: Just Cause 2). What I thought needed a salute, however, was the scripted humour in video games providing mirthful moments. Adventure games from the 1990s were a goldmine, but I’ve tried not to include them too much here- otherwise it would just be a list of the best jokes Tim Schafer wrote. Here you’ll find an eclectic mix of genres, all with one thing in common: they made me laugh out loud. I’m not saying these are the best, as humour is so subjective, but they’re some of my favourites. If you’ve got better ones, leave a comment.

1. [Subject name here]

This was the first time I properly laughed out loud listening to GLaDOS in Portal. Most of her lines are amusing in an ‘oh-that-was-clever’ way, but for some reason this one really took me by surprise. I still think it’s funnier than most of the iconic stuff about the companion cube, though I can see why those were picked up on by the Internet. In fact, I think this might be the best joke in the whole of Portal canon, simply because it was the only one I could think of word-for-word when making this list.

2. Er… I’m over this way.

I select this particular joke not because it’s the funniest joke in The Secret of Monkey Island, but more because it sets the scene for a superbly-written comedy game. I also happen to think it’s a great example of a joke which is enhanced by being a gamer. We become used to sprites looking weird and not lining up with what they are supposed to be doing, so when it’s pointed out like that, it just makes it even funnier.

3. You can see how good my painting’s getting.

This one’s all the better for the fact that there just aren’t that many jokes in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. The element of surprise just makes it all the better when you see Modryn Oreyn’s attempt at fine art. There are a few jokes to be found in Oblivion, but for me, this one is the best. Unfortunately, I’ve kind of ruined it by featuring it here. Sorry about that.

4. Relax

No video for this one, but as it’s a simple dialogue joke I’ll just quote it instead. This one’s part of a huge line of jokes which hit you one-by-one in the Sam and Max games developed by Telltale, but it’s a personal favourite of mine. As with Portal, it was one of the first jokes that really made me laugh out loud while I was playing- so much so that I remembered it more clearly than any other jokes in the games.

Sam: (looking at Sybil’s “Relax” sign) That’s got to be the least relaxing sign I ever seen.
Max: What about the on at the barbershop that says, “Low Fatality Rate”?
Sam: I stand corrected.

5. Exploder

It would be hard to make a list of the best jokes without including something from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. The old GTA games were full of parodies and jokes, and my favourite comes in the form of a fake advert on the in-game radio station, V-Rock. I would say the whole ad is hilarious, but if you forced me to pick a specific joke, it would have to be “But I’m not married! You are now- to America!”

6. Ahem. Yeah, I’m aware of that.

This joke is great for its sheer simplicity. The animation on the kick in the plums is quite funny in itself, but when Cortez from TimeSplitters Future Perfect replies to the girl in the high voice it makes me laugh every time. This is another joke that stands out in my memory as something I really chuckled away at when I first played it. Great game, by the way, and it has a good sense of humour throughout.

7. Bowser bares all

Paper Mario is littered with references and jokes, and some of the best come in the form of giving personalities to the famous characters. In this aside from the action of the game, Peach discovers Bowser’s diary, where he is seen writing, “Ohh, I’m Mario, I’m so big and strong and good and helpful…”

8. Try to remember the mission, if you can.

There are lots of silly conversations to be had in Metal Gear Solid 2, but this is my pick of the lot. It’s partly a reference to the first game, but partly just Otacon telling Snake off for being a pervert. Great attention to detail in this game, and it’s rewarding to see what kind of reactions you get- especially if you get a gem like this.

9. Sarcastic general

This is probably stretching the definition of a joke, but since it was scripted and makes me laugh, I’m going to include it anyway. The FMV cutscenes in Red Alert 3 are all rather funny in a campy parody sort of way- and made even better by the inclusion of Tim Curry and George Takei. This clip in particular made me laugh most, just because I love this idea of a military general being so sarcastic about war.

10. Super Mean Boy

To finish, a joke from Super Meat Boy without any dialogue at all- and it’s all the better for it. There are actually two jokes here, and I’m not sure which I like better. The ‘kick’ part has the surprise element, but the pillow bit is much more subtle and dark. Whichever one you prefer, it’s a funny sequence.

Resident Evil: Revelations Misspelled on Spine of Game Box

Sam Naylor — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:45:52 +0000

Capcom has said it plans to fix a spelling error on the initial shipment of Resident Evil: Revelations by the next shipment.

The 3DS game’s name was spelled as “Revelaitons” on the spine of the game box on the first editions in North America. Capcom say this will be fixed by the second shipment of boxes.

If you’ve got a misspelled box Capcom are offering to send you a replacement: call 650-350-6700 or email at accounts@capcom.com to get your new cover.

The Watercooler: Bruce Lee 2: Return of Bruce Lee

Sam Naylor — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:00:19 +0000

When I saw this I knew it had to be today’s video. Partly because it’s an amazing display of Bruce Lee’s skill, but also as a homage to the “old” Watercooler (back when it was good).

You can find the older Watercooler with the original video here.

Konami Profit $73 million in December, Raises Fiscal Year Forecast

Sam Naylor — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:45:20 +0000

Konami seems to be doing very well, managing a $73 million profit in December and upping their prediction for this fiscal year.

In the first six months of the fiscal year Konami made 11.5b Yen ($151.1m) profit, and 123.1b Yen ($1.617b) in revenue. That grew to 194.522b Yen ($2.556b) revenue and 17.046b Yen ($224m) profit in the three months that followed. From this, we can see that Konami made $940m in revenue in the month of December, and nearly $73m profit.

Previously the company had predicted 258b Yen ($3.39b) revenue and 18.5b Yen ($243m) profit, but it has now changed this forecast. Konami now hopes revenue will rise to 265b Yen ($3.48b) and profit to 22.0b Yen ($289m).

There are lots more numbers to read and be confused by on the full report here (pdf).

There’s an interesting chart in there which lists the breakdown by genre- and brilliantly “Metal Gear” is listed as its own genre.

Via [VGChartz]

The Watercooler: Politically Correct Pulp Fiction

Sam Naylor — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 03:00:37 +0000

I should warn potential viewers that to really get this video you should have seen Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece Pulp Fiction. It’s not necessary, but it does make it a bit crazier. This is an American TV edit of a scene in the film, and it may well be the stupidest edit ever made.

Alan Wake Coming to PC on February 16

Sam Naylor — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:00:28 +0000

Remedy Entertainment has announced that Alan Wake will be available on Steam on the 16th of February.

The Steam version of the game will be the first out, with other digital versions and a boxed edition coming later. On Valve‘s digital platform the game will be $29.99 for the game and DLC, and $34.99 for the Limited Collector’s Edition.

Markus Mäki, CTO at Remedy, said:

We’ve done our best to do justice to the PC version and do things the way they should be done for PC. The PC version looks absolutely beautiful. We’re bringing the game to life in a whole new way.

Remedy note the key differences with the PC version are as follows:

“Higher resolutions and higher fidelity”
Mouse and keyboard support, along with gamepad
Support for 4:3, 16:9 and 16:10 aspect ratios
Multithreaded engine that takes advantage of quad core CPUs
Field of view adjustment and an option to hide the HUD
Works with AMD Eyefinity 3D 3-screen mode
Works with NVIDIA NVISION2 Stereoscopic 3D

The Watercooler: That Spy is Not One of Ours!

Sam Naylor — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:00:50 +0000

Shock horror, it’s a gaming-related Watercooler today. The highly immature content of this video made me think twice about posting it but it is actually really funny. Not just the content but the animations, which are absolutely superb.

It’s like a TF2-based Ren and Stimpy!

Submissions Now Open for IndieCade Festival 2012

Sam Naylor — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:00:34 +0000

Independent game artists and designers are being asked to being submitting their projects for the 2012 IndieCade Festival.

The festival aims to bring attention to independent games worldwide, completed or not. The submissions will be shown at the event on Oct. 4 – 7, 2012, as well as online.

Anyone who submits a game gets a festival pass and an invitation to IndieXchange (“a day long program offering practical workshops, networking opportunities and one-on-one meetings with art leaders, publishers and potential funders.”)

Stephanie Barish, CEO, IndieCade said:

Our mission is to spotlight the best cutting-edge work and the most innovative game designs- often thriving at the fringes of the game industry. Our goal is to bring public as well as industry attention to exciting, innovative games, created by independent developers.

Dave says he’s going to make a submission this year. Here’s how he describes his future masterpiece:

Its a side scroller where I chase down fat girls and have to beat down the big black guys who are trying to get to them first!!

Sony Appoints Kaz Hirai as President and CEO

Sam Naylor — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:30:18 +0000

More CEO news, this time being Kazuo Hirai- who has been moved up the chain to President and CEO of Sony.

Filling the boots of Sir Howard Stringer, Hirai will move up from being head of Sony’s Computer Entertainment division to the position of President and CEO. Stringer will move to a new position as Chairman of the board.

Kazuo Hirai did a bit of brown-nosing on his way up, of course:

Challenging as times are for Sony now, were it not for the strong leadership of Sir Howard Stringer these past seven years, we would have been in a much more difficult position.

Hirai will officially start his new job on the 1st of April. Commence fool’s day jokes now.