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The Watercooler: Those Aussies Are Pretty Loose

Sam Naylor — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:00:55 +0000

Warning: The Watercooler is the best thing you will see on the Internet today, mainly because it is the best thing I saw on the Internet yesterday. Be advised that The Watercooler is not necessarily videogame related (it usually won’t be), and is often silly, controversial, and/or not safe for work (NSFW). If this type of content frequently offends you, please be aware that I just warned you — if you still click through and get offended, it will be your own stupid fault. Otherwise, please continue…

As a Brit, I can’t help but feel a certain affinity with the Aussies. For a start, they have a delightful array of accents, but the main reason is that they spell words properly. Now they have a certain reputation- that they live free and don’t give two hoots about anything.

We just thank fuck that they don’t play in the 6 Nations.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to me via email: sam@ripten.com or on Twitter: @greeneggsnam. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

Five O’Clock Fan Art: Cammy

Dylan Duarte — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:00:01 +0000

This Cammy piece done in the style of a World War II propaganda poster is just swell. I love it even though I hate Street Fighter. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m completely awful at the game. It’s just a stupid dumb game for big fat idiots and if you’re good at it you’re a loser with too much free time because you don’t have a life.

Five O’Clock Fan Art is perfect for wrapping up the work day. You don’t want to think anymore, you just want to look at awesome things. And there’s nothing more awesome than a well crafted piece of videogame fan art. If you don’t agree, what the hell are you doing at a gaming blog?

Van Drell speaks espanol, I think.

Amazing Spider-Man The Game Goes Beta, Teases ‘Something Big’ for Next Week

Drake Hess — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:00:38 +0000

The Official Facebook page for The Amazing Spider-Man The Game issued an update about 20 minutes ago, asking fans if their “spider-sense was tingling” in anticipation of a “big” announcement.

“Is your Spider sense tingling? Something BIG is coming next week…What could it be?”

My guess is that this is finally some sort of in-depth gameplay footage. The timing would be perfect considering the statement that preceeded this yesterday.

“We’re delivering our Beta this week! The team has been working hard to deliver the best spidey game ever. Let’s cheer them on!”

There seemed to be some confusion on various message boards as to what the “BETA” statement was referring to, so we reached out to Activision PR for clarification. As suspected, Beenox is referring to an internal BETA status and not some sort of external release version of the game. Sit tight for more information on The Amazing Spider-Man The Game as it becomes available.

Play Gears of War 3 with Cliff Bleszinski and His Fiancé This Valentine’s Day

Drake Hess — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 18:00:52 +0000

Nothing says I love you like a bayonet lancer to the heart. So, if you and your significant other share a passion for gore and gaming, why not ‘Game with Fame‘ by joining Epic Games Gears of War Design Director, Cliff Bleszinski, and his pro gamer fiancee, Lauren Berggren, for a special “couples themed” Gears of War 3 Wingman game session on Valentine’s Day?

To get in on Cliff and Lauren’s Valentine’s Day Massacre, you’ll need to to be snuggled up on the couch thirty minutes before the event kicks off, have all the latest map packs installed (via the Xbox LIVE Marketplace or the Gears of War 3 Season Pass), and have your friend/invitation request to “CliffyBVday” and “LaurenBVday” successfully yield you an invite.

The love of gaming brought Cliff and Lauren together, and they’d like nothing more than to share that gift with you. So if you’re still considering your options for this Valentine’s Day, just remember, every “kill” also begins with K.

Skyrim Update 1.4 is Live on Xbox, PS3 Later Today – Full List of Changes

Garrett Hartman — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:00:39 +0000

FUS RO DAH! The Skyrim1.4 update is live on Xbox Live and expected to hit the PS3 later on today. This is an anticipated update which should fix a few annoying bugs, most importantly the PS3 bug that makes it unplayable after a certain level.

Below is the full list of changes courtesy of the Bethblog.

Bethesda also claims to be putting the final touches on the Creation Kit and Skyrim Workshop and will let everyone know as soon as they’re up.

NEW FEATURES

Skyrim launcher support for Skyrim Workshop (PC)

BUG FIXES

General optimizations for memory and performance
Fixed occasional issue with armor and clothing not displaying properly when placed on mannequins in player’s house (PS3)
Long term play optimizations for memory and performance (PS3)
Improved compiler optimization settings (PC)
Memory optimizations related to scripting
Fixed issue with dangling scripts not properly clearing from memory
Fixed crashes related to pathing and AI
Fixed crash in “Haemar’s Shame” if player had already completed “A Daedra’s Best Friend”
Fixed rare crash with loading saved games
Fixed issue with accented characters not displaying properly at the end of a line
Fixed issue where dragon priest masks would not render correctly
Fixed issue where quests would incorrectly progress after reloading a save
Fixed issues with placing and removing books from bookshelves in the player’s home
Optimized bookshelf script in player-owned houses that would occasionally block other scripts from properly firing off
Fixed issue where weapon racks and plaques would not work correctly in player’s house if player immediately visits their house before purchasing any upgrades
Fixed issue where the player house in Windhelm would not clean up properly
Fixed crash related to giant attacks and absorb spells
Fixed issue with ash piles not cleaning up properly
Fixed occasional issue where overwriting an existing save would fail
Fixed memory crash with container menu
Fixed infinite loop with bookshelves
Fixed issue where transforming back to human from werewolf would occasionally fail
Bows and daggers will display properly when placed on weapon racks
Fixed occasional audio issue that would play sound effects louder than intended
Fixed bug related to hitching between cell boundaries
Master Criminal achievement/trophy unlocks properly in French, German, Spanish and Italian
Fixed issue where traps in Shalidor’s Maze would not work properly in French, German, Spanish and Italian versions

QUEST FIXES

The Unusual Gem that was inside the Thalmor Embassy is now accessible after finishing “Diplomatic Immunity”
In “Breaching Security”, the quest token is no longer required to receive a fortune reading from Olava the Feeble
Fixed issue where Galmar would not complete Joining the Stormcloaks properly if “Season Unending” was an active quest
Fixed issue where starting “Season Unending” after finishing “Joining the Stormcloaks” would prevent “The Jagged Crown” from starting properly
Fixed issue where progressing through “Message to Whiterun” while “Season Unending” was still open would block progression for both quests
In “Arniel’s Endeavor”, fixed issue where a quest journal would trigger multiple times
In “Forbidden Legend”, the amulet fragment can no longer disappear after player leaves a dungeon without taking it
Fixed rare issue in “Forbidden Legend” where killing Mikrul Gauldurson while sneaking would make his corpse unaccessible
In “The White Phial”, the phial can no longer disappear if player leaves dungeon without taking it
“The White Phial” will now start properly if player already has a briar heart in their inventory
Player can no longer get stuck in Misty Grove after completing “A Night to Remember”
Fixed issue where leaving Riften during “A Chance Arrangement” would prevent quest from progressing
In “Darkness Returns”, a door in Twilight Sepulcher will properly open if the player leaves the dungeon for an extended period of time before completing the quest
In “Revealing the Unseen”, if the player leaves the Oculory for an extended period of time after placing the focusing crystal and returns, the quest will proceed correctly
“Onmund’s Request” will now start properly if player has already found Enthir’s staff before receiving this quest
Fixed instance where Tonilia would stop buying stolen items and also would not give Guild Leader Armor
“Repairing the Phial” will start properly if player already has unmelting snow or mammoth tusk in their inventory
Finding Pantea’s Flute before speaking with Pantea no longer prevents her quest from updating
In “The Break of Dawn”, fixed rare instance where a quest object would spawn incorrectly on the Katariah during Hail Sithis
Fixed rare issue in “The Mind of Madness” where player is unable to equip the Wabbajack
Fixed issue in “Pieces of the Past” where Mehrunes Dagon’s Razor will not trigger properly if player leaves the cell for extended period of time before activating it
“Blood’s Honor” will start properly if you visited and completed Driftshade and an extended period of time passes before starting the quest.
Fixed rare issue where “Dampened Spirits” would not start properly
Fixed issue where player would be unable to become Thane of Riften if they purchased a home first
Fixed issue where killing guards in Cidhna Mine would block progression for “No One Escapes Cidhna Mine”
Fixed numerous issues with “Blood on the Ice” not triggering properly
In “Blood on the Ice”, Calixto can now be killed if player owns a house in Windhelm
In “The Cure for Madness”, killing Cicero then resurrecting him no longer impedes quest progress
Fixed rare issue in “To Kill an Empire” where an NPC would fail to die properly
Clearing Knifepoint Ridge before starting “Boethiah’s Champion” no longer prevents quest from starting.

The Watercooler: Family Feud Trolling

Sam Naylor — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:00:29 +0000

This ones not really a video so much as an ‘audio’. In fact, that’s exactly what it is. What stands before you now is a prank call, made by a man posing as being from the Family Feud gameshow (called Family Fortunes here in the UK) asking a man a gigantic number of stupid questions. Just wait until he starts talking about fish- it’s brilliant.

Via [Reddit]

Geeked Out: Mapstalgia

Catherine Cai — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:30:38 +0000

This week’s Geeked Out is a little bit different. Rather than having a tangible object of mass geekery, we’ve decided to feature a gargantuan geekdom gathering of gaming ground plans.

Mapstalgia is a Tumblr dedicated entirely to hand-drawn maps of video game levels, all done from memory. The blog’s curated by Josh Millard, a jack-of-all-trades type of guy who’s not only a programmer and administrator at Metafilter, but also a musician and writer.

If you think you’ve got a game level that you think you can draw up from memory, don’t hesitate to submit it to Mapstalgia. According to Josh, he’s not worried about quality of the drawing or the text. The purpose of the blog is for sharing memories and nostalgia. Here’s one of the many examples you’ll find there. To see it up close or browse through the rest, make sure to give them a visit.

Hungry for more hand-made swag? Take a leisurely stroll through our Geeked Out collection.

Five O’Clock Fan Art: Waluigi

Dylan Duarte — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00:54 +0000

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaluigi! I’ve always liked Luigi more than that arrogant prick Mario, and as such, I’m more fond of Waluigi than I am Wario. He’s tall and lanky and purple, which is exactly how I hope to look someday.

Pirate-Cashoo sounds like a delicious type of nut.

Psychonauts 2 May Happen – Notch and Schafer are Talking

Justin Carter — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:00:13 +0000

Remember a few days ago, when we reported that Markus “Notch” Persson wanted to fund Psychonauts 2? Well, Double Fine told Giant Bomb:

”Tim and Markus are talking. Who knows what might happen?”

Sounds great, right? It’s about to get better. Notch has been sending out a few tweets to explain what’s going on. He and Tim Schafer have been talking over e-mail, and it sounds like they’re planning to meet up at GDC. You know, see the sights, take a nice boat ride, and possibly discuss making Psychonauts 2. Normal stuff that happens. But even though our hopes are already touching the moon, Notch warns:

“Please don’t get your hopes too high yet. Everything is extremely vague!”

Sorry, Notch. Hopes are already high. You can’t stop what’s already in motion.

via Game Informer

True Crime: Hong Kong’s Successor is ‘Sleeping Dogs’ – Debut Trailer, Screens and More

Garrett Hartman — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:00:48 +0000

Square-Enix today revealed Sleeping Dogs as the latest game in the True Crime series. Activision is out, Squeenix is in, and so is the new title. Dig it?

Sleeping Dogs puts players in the shoes of of undercover cop Wei Shen, tasked with taking down the criminal Triads from the inside out. It will take place on the island of Hong Kong and the story will deal with themes like loyalty and betrayal.

Much is being hyped about Sleeping Dog’s Imaginative combat system. Supposedly, combat will seem natural and players will easily be able to perform martial arts from an extensive list of moves and easily pull off other tasks such as shooting while driving.

Like previous games in the True Crimes series it will be an open world. According to Square, “every street corner, market stall, harbour dock or city skyscraper can become an opportunity for intense shoot-outs, adrenaline-fuelled street races and intense, brutal martial arts combat.”

Check out the live trailer and screens below. Tell me what you think, will UFG’s Sleeping Dogs have what it takes to keep up with similar games such as Saints Row: The Third and GTA 5?

Via [vg247]

RipTen Retrograde: Hydlide (NES, 1989)

Gavin Bard — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 03:30:49 +0000

I figured with the recent string of great RPGs being released over the last few months, it was time for me to bring you all back down to earth and give you a reminder that it isn’t always sugar and honey. Kingdoms of Amalur may be the first RPG from Curt Schilling, but Hydlide was one of the first RPGs to ever be released on the consoles in Japan way back in 1984. It originally came out on the NEC PC-6000 and later on the PC-88 before eventually meandering its way over to America on the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1989.

The biggest problem with Hydlide, other than all of its huge glaring flaws I mean, is that when it was finally released in America it was already incredibly dated. Even if it was’t lacking of any real value, America had already suckled at the Legend of Zelda’s supple teats. After seeing what the genre done right was like, there was no chance America would be accepting of the genre done horribly wrong. USA! USA!

Hydlide is a story of a dragon named something who kidnaps a princess named somebody in order to something. Of course, by kidnap I mean he breathes fire at her and turns her into a couple fairies.

Yeah, I don’t really know how that works either. While Hydlide is pretty notorious over here for being the one of the worst things to ever happen to humanity ever, it should also be pointed out that this garnered a huge following in Japan. Sequels were even made on the MSX, Genesis, and Saturn. None of them were very good either. Go figure.

Represented here are the lion’s share of sprites present in this game. That is pretty much all you get to look at for the whole thing. It was aesthetically dated for 1989 on the NES, which is sort of a feat in itself.

Joss Whedon’s “Buffy the Vampire Hold B and Ram Yourself Into Enemies Uselessly Until Hopefully They Die. ”

Anybody want an overused Anchorman reference in lieu of anything unique or funny to say? I could type one here if you wanted. No? Alright. Good choice.

Honestly though, as bad as this is, it still isn’t as awful as having to watch Diary of the Dead.

Sir Jim- High Time’s Stupid Useless Knight of the Year.

He who controls the spice, controls the universe!!!

It was nice of Sharon Carter to help Sir Jim out on his inept journey.

You know how everybody points out that there was no way you would have ever figured out on your own to burn that ONE bush in that ONE spot in Legend of Zelda without outside help? Every single thing you have to do in Hydlide is like that. Every. Single. Thing. Compound that with the least intuitive controls and password system to ever be crapped into gray plastic and you have a perfect recipe for frustration pie.

When you destroy this gravestone, it makes it so you can kill the dragon outside of the castle. A completely logical connection that everybody would easily make without dying a dozen times before accidentally finding it out.

The most climatic battle since the Battle of the Ice! Watch out Hermann of Dorpat! Sir JIM is out for blood.

The oppressive heat of his armor and the pain of his own wounds drove Sir Jim to one knee. “My princess,” he forces out, “I have come to save you.”

“Delightful,” exclaims the three fairies, who are actually the Princess for some odd reason, in unison. “For your bravery in rescuing us, we will reward you with the highest honor- by letting you watch a lesbian fairy orgy.”

Sir Jim looked on with his mouth agape, it was a few minutes before he figured out the way to word his next statement, “Logistically speaking, does that count as incest for you, or masturbation?”

What does one say about Hydlide that hasn’t already been said? From its barely working combat system, to its copyright infringing Indiana Jones overworld theme, to its ugly-even-in-1984 graphics, Hydlide rightfully deserves its place in bad gaming history. I really don’t get how this was so well received in Japan. I understand that it was one of the first actual console RPGs over there, but even when giving it the benefit of the doubt for being groundbreaking in a very loose way it still isn’t good. I don’t care if it came out first, the only way Hydlide could be considered groundbreaking is because you would need a bunch of shovels to bury every copy of the game in the desert.

1 (RIP) to 4 are varying degrees of a bad game. A 1 (RIP) being a game you would actually pay money to not play, and a 4 is something that just barely fails to be mediocre.

Hydlide was developed and published by T&E Soft Corporation, who pretty much only makes golf games now for the record- just saying, for a whole bunch of system before it came to the NES in 1989. This copy was provided to us by yard sales everywhere.

Do you have a game you’d like to see featured in this ~~stupid idea~~ creative and original work of game journalism art? Have you played Hydlide and want to drop your two cents in? Did you actually like this game and want to yell at me because you are clearly insane? If so, let me or RipTen know on Twitter, or in the comments on this very site!

Next Time on the Retrograde: B.O.B.

The Watercooler: Kids These Days

Sam Naylor — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 03:00:12 +0000

Ever heard of Facebook? Me neither, but apparently it’s this thing kids use to say stupid things to each other. Things like this:

Five O’Clock Fan Art: Prototype

Dylan Duarte — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:00:44 +0000

FACT: This picture is cooler than Prototype ever was. FICTION: I have powers like Alex Mercer and I use them to scale buildings and fight injustices twenty-four sev. FACT: I actually sit in front of the computer for an unhealthy amount of consecutive hours.

The Minttu probably has powers. And that one is a fact.

Skyrim Creation Kit Now Available on Steam, Modding Madness to Follow

Brandon Fenty — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:00:41 +0000

Ever want to mod Skyrim? Now you can, because the Skyrim Creation kit we reported on yesterday lives on Steam today!

Thanks to Bethesda, all the weird stuff you’ve wanted to do in Skyrim is possible. Modders are a creative bunch, and it’ll be exciting to see what they’re able to come up with in such a vast world as Skyrim. If you’re interested in modding yourself, check out mods.elderscrolls.com.

There were some hints of a surprise included with the release of the Creation Kit; that surprise is a high resolution texture pack that’s available today as well. If you thought the game looked good before, wait until you install the new texture pack – It makes a huge difference, as long as you’ve got the hardware to support it. Bethesda recommends these specs:

Windows Vista or 7 operating system

Minimum of 4GB of system RAM

DirectX 9.0c compatible NVIDIA or AMD ATI video card with at least 1 GB of RAM

Both the mod kit and the high resolution texture pack are available via Steam for free.

San Diego Rockstar Hiring for New Open World Game Development

Justin Carter — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:00:18 +0000

At this point, open world games and Rockstar go together like the Super Bowl and awful halftime shows. It just feels right. Never one to break tradition, Rockstar San Diego is currently hiring for a new open world game. Rockstar San Diego’s best known for the Midnight Club series and Red Dead Redemption. On Gamasutra, they have need for a Tools Programmer, along with:

Network Programmer–a networking programmer who specializes in the synchronization of the wide range of gameplay mechanics found in a Rockstar open world game”
Gameplay Programmer–”ready for the challenges posed by large scale open worlds with complex AI and physics.”

Currently, there isn’t any real clue as to what the game could be. Odds are on a sequel to Red Dead Redemption, but if some of you remember, Rockstar said they may work on Bully 2 once Max Payne 3 was finished. And with Max just a few months away, maybe the San Diego team is getting to work on Bully 2. It’s a long shot, but you never know.

A Brief History of First Impressions

Gavin Bard — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:30:48 +0000

Depending on who you ask, first impressions can either be incredibly important or just very important. There really aren’t a lot of people who will tell you a first impression doesn’t matter. For example, once a long time ago I went to send a resume and portfolio to a site I wanted to work for. I copy and pasted the website where my portfolio was located and sent it to the editor post haste. Only after I irrevocably hit send did I realize that the link I included was not to my portfolio, but instead was a link to award winning transsexual porn star Bailey Jay’s website.

Two days later I had the job- and that is the story of how I got hired by RipTen.

So, clearly, first impressions matter in the real world to real people, but do they matter to gamers? The almost ethereal and mystical creatures that we are? I’m sure this is something that 38 Studios is thinking about right now. With the first game that 38 Studios has had its hands in, Kingdoms of Amalur, less than 24 hours away, 38 Studios is probably crossing their fingers that the gaming public considers their debut a good one. Big Huge Games, the other half involved in Amalur’s development, already has made their first impression with the critically acclaimed semi-historical real-time-strategy Rise of Nations.

It is interesting to look back on companies in our little hobby and see what kind of first impression they made, especially since many of them were pretty inauspicious. At least I hope it is interesting, because I spent like two hours Googling this stuff when I should have been thinking of what I was going to write about today and was kind of hoping to make some lemonade out of my internet ADD. I hope my editor doesn’t read that last part. [Ed. - Sigh.]

Square – The Death Trap
In 1984, while Ronald Reagan was saving punk rock by doing all kinds of dreadful things in America, Japan saw the seeds sown that would eventually grow into one of most iconic game companies of all time. Before Square was their own independently operated company, they were the software division of Denyūsha Electric Company. I couldn’t find any confirmation if “Fargo North, Decoder” was involved in Death Trap’s production though.

The Death Trap was an interactive fiction game with adventure game mechanics for the PC-88. It involved the player inputting some simple commands and making some decisions in order to navigate the plot. A plot that, since it was the 80s, was of course related to the cold war.

The game sold so well that less than a year later, Square developed their a direct sequel to it named Will: The Death Trap II. Even in those early days, Square loved themselves some sequels. While Will didn’t sell as much as the original, it was still a commercial success. By the time Square developed their third game, the awesomely titled Cruise Chaser Blassty, they had become their own company. Now, you may not know this, but Square went on to develop a couple other games since then. You may have even heard of a couple of them!

Enix & Chunsoft – Door Door
Enix- the current ying to Square’s, well, other ying I guess- was established as a publisher of home computer games in 1982. They then employed the rather unusual, and eventually quite successful, tactic of holding design contests where they offered a whopping million yen for people who submitted the winning games. Enix used these contests to find talented developers and began to hire them for projects, many of which included polishing the chosen winners from those very same contests.

The very first winner, and thus the first game officially published by Enix, was a game called Door Door by Koichi Nakumura. Originally released on the PC-88 but eventually given a Famicom port, Door Door is a puzzle game with heavy reliance on platforming and strategy. You control a small creature in a baseball hat named Chun and try to keep him from being killed by a bunch of colorful aliens. In order to keep that from happening, you need to trap them by opening doors and then closing them after the aliens enter them. This is much more difficult than it sounds those, as doors can only be used once and then they are locked for good. Door Door is the literal definition of “Japan hard.” It was also wildly popular.

While Door Door was quite successful, a few short years later Nakumura would go on to found Chunsoft and, with another winner of Enix’s design contests by the name of Yuji Horii. would create a little game by the name of Dragon Quest. I’m pretty sure Japan has built statues in their honor because of that.

Capcom – Vulgus
Vulgus, aka Deadpool’s favorite Capcom game, was released for the arcades in 1984. Like a large amount of Capcom’s early titles, it is a vertical scrolling shooter. Comparatively to later games in the genre, it is very basic. There are no power ups, only a few levels, and even the difficulty isn’t as challenging as you would expect from a game like this. Eventually, Capcom would branch away from shooters and find their arcade success in other genres, namely fighting. Also I guess Mega Man is pretty cool too.

Of all the debut games here, this one might be the one the average gamer is most likely to have played. Vulgus has been included in numerous Capcom collections on everything from the Saturn to the PSP, as well as being name dropped in at least two Vs. Capcom games that I can think of. No idea if Deadpool will ever convince them to make that sequel though.

BioWare – Shattered Steel
Before BioWare found their fame in the wild world of RPGs, they started with Shattered Steel in 1996. Shattered Steel had far more in common with Mechwarrior than it did D&D, but it did still show the sparks of BioWare’s attention to detail within their games. Then again, you can’t really do a mech simulator game without having a pretty intricate attention to detail. They don’t make controllers with eight hundred buttons for those games just to be ironic, after all.

Shattered Steel wasn’t enormously popular or anything, but it sold well enough and thanks to its unique deformable terrain and zone based damage mechanics- two things that weren’t very common in 1996- it developed a cult following. BioWare would begin talking about a sequel to the game, but not before they created Baldur’s Gate, which would end up setting them down the path to becoming the developer we know and love them as today. I wonder how different the gaming landscape would have been if Shattered Steel would have been an immense hit? Probably a lot more Battletech games everywhere.

Actually, that doesn’t sound too bad.

UbiSoft – Zombi
In 1986 the gaming world wasn’t as super-saturated by zombie games as it is today. It also wasn’t as saturated by UbiSoft, as they had just popped into existence in the realm of wine and fine cheeses that we refer to as France. Those two Venn circles met and gave birth to Ubi’s first game, a piece of Romero worship by the name of Zombi for the Amstrad CPC. A brief piece of horror history for you- Zombi was the Italian name of George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead. The late great Lucio Fulci would direct Zombi 2 in 1979, although it really wasn’t a sequel at all. I’d have greatly preferred a Zombi 2 game, mostly for a “press A to pierce a girls eyeball with a wood splinter” scene.

This particular Zombi shares a lot in common with Romero’s Dawn of the Dead. By a lot, I mean literally everything. It is a first person adventure game that plays much like a dungeon craw and takes place in a mall. Most of its major plot points are directly related to things that happened in Dawn of the Dead. It isn’t a bad game, but it is certainly majorly forgettable- and with the hundreds of games Ubi has published or developed since, it is no wonder.

Bethesda – Gridiron!
So, what kind of game do you think Bethesda opened up with? Did you say an American football game? No? Well you should have, because that is the right answer. Bethesda created the first physics based sports game and released it on the Amiga. It wasn’t pretty, even by 1986 standards. The players were crudely represented by dots and there wasn’t much else to the game, but it wasn’t supposed to look like a game of football- it was supposed to play like one. For the first time, the players had mass and speed. Dots would bounce off each other and break tackles in as realistic a way as possible in ’86.

EA would eventually notice and sign Bethesda on to create a follow up to the game. This partnership was not a friendly one though, as Gridiron! 2 Electric Boogaloo was never meant to see the shelves at your local Babbages. Bethesda suspected EA only wanted to get their hands on the physics in order to use them for their own upcoming Madden-related football game and would sue EA for $7 million. It seems that sometimes things never change.

Although I don’t think Gridiron! needed any patches, so maybe things do change sometimes.

The Watercooler: Serj Orders a Coffee

Sam Naylor — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:00:10 +0000

Ever heard of System of a Down? They’re that band who sung ‘Chop Suey’, quite a while back now. Well, here’s the lead singer ordering a coffee.

Since there was no Watercooler yesterday, here’s a bonus video. It’s mad.

Hooray for short attention spans- today’s videos are both under 20 seconds long.

Five O’Clock Fan Art: Samus and The Cat

Dylan Duarte — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:00:28 +0000

You know what would make the Metroid games even better? Not cats, that’s for sure. Hey internet, stop putting cats into everything.

Sundragon83 loves him some felines.

Spec Ops: The Line Will Mess With Your Head, Tear at Your Heart (Hands On)

Chris Carlson — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:30:52 +0000

When it comes to military shooters, I find it’s very hard for consumers, like myself, to actually express interest in a genre that is so wildly overused. My first thoughts usually are, “What does this game do differently than other games? Why should I even care about this title?” However, this is where I come in and tell you that you should keep a very close eye on Spec Ops: The Line. If you’ve been dying for an extremely solid military shooter that has a story that is genuinely interesting and downright emotional, this may be what you’ve been waiting for.

One of my most common problems with military shooters is finding a way to give two shits about the story. Usually it’s just another story about America invading/being invaded and you’re the hero. You blow shit up and move on with your day. That isn’t the case here. In fact, during my two hours spent playing the demo version shown, I expressed more interest and emotion in the game’s story than I had with every military shooter in 2011. I’m looking at you Modern Battlefield 3.

What Yager Development does particularly well with The Line is offer up very memorable story moments. When you look back on franchises like Call of Duty or Battlefield, you think about the biggest explosion or some incredible sniping mission. (You know damn well where you learned about the Coriolis effect.) Now, while the gameplay in Spec Ops: The Line is indeed superb, the most memorable moments are the emotional events that happen, not just the big budget action sequences.

If you were one of the lucky few who was able to participate in Yager’s Spec Ops: The Line EPD (Exclusive Private Demo) way back when, let it be known that much has changed since then, in a damn good way. First and foremost, the game has actually been in development for nearly five years, now. The reason for the huge gap between the EPD and now is due to a complete rewrite of the game’s script. They’ve also increased graphical detail, fine tuned the controls and evolved their core gameplay elements since then. Think about playing a less gruesome, yet more realistic version, of Gears of War in a Modern Warfare setting and you’ve got the general idea of Spec Ops: The Line.

The cover system and animations have been tuned to perfection, and the gunplay is fast, fun and intuitive. During my time with the demo version, I played through various sections of the game, with subtitled cutscenes to fill in the parts that weren’t shown. With the game being set in Dubai, you’d expect nothing but sandy levels. However, while those do exist, Yager has done a great job with variety in their color palette, as well as level design. In one part of the demo, there was a beautiful underground aquarium with multicolored glass statues making for a gorgeous environment to walk in; so beautiful, in fact, that I was afraid of even shooting my gun. That beauty ended when a body came crashing down through the ceiling onto the glass walkway, nearly shattering it to a thousand pieces.

Aside from the beautiful environments, Yager also is going for a somewhat cinematic experience. It’s nothing too over the top, like you’d see in Uncharted, but, rather, realistic events portrayed in cinematic form. Trust me when I say, they work beautifully. They feel natural, look fantastic and really draw you into the moment. Other little cinematic touches, like slowing down time when you pull off a quick head shot, really add to the direction Yager is heading. One of the coolest gameplay elements actually lies in the sand itself. Throwing a grenade may not kill someone in its blast radius, but it will kick sand up into their eyes, temporarily blinding them. Don’t tell me that ain’t cool.

You can also use the sand and environments to your advantage in battle. For example, shooting out a glass window could send a mountain of sand down onto your enemies. Some of these actions are scripted, but others are purely optional, and sometimes you wont even be aware that they exist unless you look closely at your surroundings. Of course, if you feel like blasting away every enemy you see, that’s entirely up to you. The Line also features Gears of War like executions, in a more realistic way. You’ll often find yourself stepping on the chest of an enemy then putting a bullet between their eyes. This brings me to another interesting gameplay element: Choice, consequence and multiple endings.

The developer I spoke to confirmed that the game will indeed have multiple endings, and that you’ll also have to make game changing decisions throughout. A few of these choices will actually have impact on the outcome of the game, but others will be more “in the moment” types of choices. Halfway through the demo, I had one of these “in the moment” type of choices.

The person I was supposed to capture and interrogate was already being brutally tortured. However, nearby civilians where being slammed into the ground and having bullets shot next to their face while they squirmed in fear. I had to make a choice. Save the civilians and lose my target, or get to my target by any means necessary. Being the asshole that I am, I said fuck the civilians, popped the guys in the head and captured my target, which then lead to a giant battle scene. However, the developer then told me, that had I chosen to save the civilians, I would have avoided that battle entirely. These choices will surely add replay value to the single player.

As I mentioned before, an engaging and memorable story is hard to find in modern military games. However, thinking back on my time with Spec Ops: The Line, I vividly remember many moments I experienced, compared to other games in which I had a hard time even remembering my character’s name or even where the hell I was at.

There were two scenes, in particular, that really stood out to me and made for true “oh shit” moments. The first one came as I was walking through the dunes of Dubai, only to see dozens of bodies hung from telephone poles, swaying in the breeze. I found myself slowly walking through the area, just taking time to absorb what had happened and to understand what the player character and his team are going through.

Now, if you know what White Phosphorus is, you know just how much damage it can do. At the end of the demo, I was faced with 200+ “enemy” soldiers. My only option of survival was using the mortar turret armed with White Phosphorus. As my squad mates are yelling “Are you fucking crazy, don’t you know what that shit does?!”. I’m thinking “Fuck yeah, and I’m going to use the hell out of it”. So, after nearly five minutes of raining hell down upon hundreds of soldiers and vehicles, I was left with nothing but a giant cloud of fumes and dust.

After hopping down out of the turret, the game forced me to walk slowly through the wreckage I’d caused . This is where the emotional part kicked in. As I’m walking though hell, I see soldiers that are still alive, burning, crawling and begging for help. Through the dust particles, I see flames, fumes, charred bodies and hear sounds of desperation. It was a powerful scene to say the least. As I reached the end of the carnage, a soldier fell to his knees in front of me. He was still on fire. With his dying breath he said, “We we’re trying to help you.”

Then my demo ended.

Looking back at my time, I wish I could experience it all over again. Yager has made great progress with the game, and I believe re-writing the entire script was a very wise decision. Not only did the story keep my attention, but it was dark, mature, emotional and left me wanting more. Pile that on top of some great action, gun play, varied enemy types and weapons, and you have one hell of a game. Unfortunately, those looking for multiplayer details will be disappointed. While Yager did say they’ve made great progress and can’t wait to show it off, it’s just not the right time yet.

I did, however, notice an option for downloadable content at the main menu, which is pretty standard these days (especially for 2K). Whether it will expand upon the single player, or just be simple multiplayer map packs is yet to be revealed.

What you should know, is that it would be a mistake to write off Spec Ops: The Line as just another military shooter with a forgettable story and tacked on multiplayer. It’s much more than that, and Yager made damn well sure I saw it.

Cosplay Spotlight – Persona 4 Team

Tina Pesterfield — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:00:52 +0000

As a hardcore Altus and Shin Megami Tensei fangirl, I could not ignore this fantastic team cosplay. I found the group photos on champagne-meat’s page, and could not help but die a little on the inside. I am so in love with this game, and to see it come to life in such a thorough manner! All of the playable characters are here, and the only thing that could have made this better was if Nanako was in the background singing “Everyday’s great at your Junes!” (Or “Everyday, young life! Junes!”)

The small details in the costumes are the ones that get me – Chie’s buttons, the stitching on the uniforms, and the glasses! Despite that, I will take some liberties and assume that the Kuma/Teddie costume was the most difficult to make. I have no desire to attempt a suit like that, and I admire the team that was able to put it together. Individual info about the cosplayers can be found through champagne-meat. Enjoy the gallery while I start the countdown to P4: The Golden.