I mentioned yesterday that a screenwriter has been hired for Hitman 2 and now we learn that a new game is coming as well and it will be directly related to the movie’s storyline.

Hitman 5 will be released late next year and certain parts of the story will tie in with certain parts of the movie. There are no details as of yet, but I don’t like the idea of combining a movie that’s probably going to be awful with a game that could very well be awesome. It seems like a recipe for tears.

Go Nintendo

Well, this is it. We’ve counted down the best asses in videogames, and I’m guessing nobody recognizes our number one. I’m sure this choice will be much debated, but there is some fairly sound logic why this gets our top choice for the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

#1 – The Party Girls (Hitman series)

Yes, the chicks from the Hitman games, specifically all of the party levels. From the snow bunnies to the BDSM leather-clad freaks, the girls at the various parties in the Hitman games do a good job of pleasing most uniform fetishes out there. There’s no schoolgirl party yet, but I’m sure that’s coming. Just check out the in-game action at the Christmas party:

…and the Meat King’s party:

… and the Heaven and Hell party:

In addition to the fact that these polygonal posteriors are round and perky, the idea that you are surrounded by them makes it all the better. After all, a room full of nice asses is generally better than just one nice ass. Can I get an amen?

Sure, these are just random, nameless characters with relatively little impact in the game, but that doesn’t mean their asses don’t deserve a little credit. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere. Any of you ladies remember Brad Pitt’s first movie?

Let’s also not forget the hotness of Olga Kurylenko who played what’s-her-name in the Hitman movie. I’m not sure if that really counts as the same thing, but since we are just talking about “Hitman girls”, I guess it fits. And hey, it’s my list so I can do what I want. Plus, we can say she is a videogame girl because the only U.S. movies she’s been in so far were Hitman, Max Payne, and Quantum of Solace — all of which were videogames.

The only thing that really made this a tough choice was the fact that these characters are mostly all unnamed background characters. This posed a problem because, unlike characters that are actually “famous”, they have no fans and thus no fan art. Agent 47 himself has thousands of pics, but his supporting cast is just not important to anyone. At the very least I found this promotional piece:

But there it is. I’m sure people were expecting a more famous character — we don’t see no-names topping People’s Sexiest lists, do we — but I think these asses deserve it. Sure, there are lots of videogame characters that have great butts, but I’ve never spent as much time in any other game just looking at the chicks instead of playing the game.

That’s sad, I know, but for whatever reason, the girls in the Hitman games somehow manage to mesmerize me with their booties, and they somehow pop up as the first thought when someone mentions asses in videogames. These are like the super hot chicks you see in music videos that you have no idea who they are but you just fall in love with them anyway, and that’s how they managed to top our list of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

I came to a realization after watching Hitman– I want agent 47 to date my sister. Ok, I don’t want for it to happen, but I’d be ok with it if it did. For the same reason, Hitman is an enjoyable movie to watch, because even if Agent 47 is weird and scary, deep down he really is a good guy.

While I was first skeptical of the choice of casting Timothy Olyphant as the lead, I was quickly reassured they had made the right decision for the character. Olyphant’s Agent 47 is swaggerless, the anti-James Bond. If James Bond is the quarterback at Assassin High School, Agent 47 is the weird, pasty, scary outcast in the back of the class. Just seeing him stoically glide down a hallway gave me the creeps. It’s this passionless austere demeanor that creates equal moments of badass and hilarious.

When the plot throws in the romantic interest, it is initially groan-worthy, but then develops into something special. She’s a broken sex slave, who knows only a couple ways to relate to men. He’s a contract killer who knows only one way to deal with people. It really is enjoyable to watch them attempt to complete each other in their brokenness, neither of them really knowing what real love feels like.

Oh yeah, and then there’s action scenes in this romantic comedy. The movie is its most visceral when the Hitman goes on hits. Go figure. It’s not clear why he doesn’t go on more contract killings throughout the plot. In the action scenes we do see, the bullets fall like rain in a thunderstorm, but they don’t happen as frequently as a summer blockbuster like Live Free or Die Hard. Instead, the plot devotes a liberal chunk of time to a couple of supporting characters that argue about jurisdiction. It’s super boring no matter how many foreign accents they throw in.

The movie does have some over indulgent John Woo-like moments that come off as complete cheese and some scenes that just don’t work. I found myself saying, “I’ve watched this scene before in another movie and it was better then.” But when compared to videogame movies like Doom, Mortal Kombat or Resident Evil, Hitman’s flaws seem like lint on 47’s Italian made suit.

Despite its shortcomings, videogame and action movie fans alike should be able to get on this train. Whether he’s being shot at or hit on by beautiful women, Agent 47 is fun to watch, and as nerdy as it sounds, it really makes you want to be an international assassin. So much that I went out and bought the game.

I just wanted to take a brief moment to share the sweet Hitman advertisements that have been popping up all over New York City (in case you haven’t seen them) to promote the November 21st release of the movie.

I’m really digging the fact that my non-video game playing friends are interested and excited about this flick. I like anything that helps the world look at video games as legitimate works of art with compelling characters and stories.

If you haven’t done so already, check out Hitmanmovie.com. The site offers up a game that allows you to call out hits on your friends via email. You pick the weapon, and the approach. The hit is not always a guaranteed success, and if you fail, they have a chance to retaliate! Super fun.

I’ll have a review when the movie drops in a few short weeks. For now, check out these wallpapers. Who knew head tattoos and designer suites would go so well together?

So while MGS 4 has been regrettably been delayed until spring, the Hitman movie approaches.

Baldness > Mullets and Mustaches.