It’s no secret that Serious Sam likes to blow shit up.  Well, Christmas time is no exception.  With the latest update to Serious Sam 3, you can dress up as a sexy santa and wreak havoc all over Bum Fuck Egypt.

Oh yeah:

Want some? Serious Sam 3 is on Sale on Steam for $29.99 til January 2nd!

Be sure to check out the RipTen Review!

• In Five Minutes We Can Show You Why You Should Want Serious Sam 3
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January
• RipTen Review: Serious Sam 3: BFE
• Serious Sam 3 Is So F**king Old School It Hurts (Hands On)
• Brink Updates Will Adress Lag Issues – Should Be Coming Next Week
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The big Steam Christmas holiday sale is now on, lasting until Sunday, January 1, 2012.

The daily deals return, but there’s a bit more to it than just a sale this time.

The “Great Gift Pile” provides challenges for steam users, giving the chance to win a free game or discount coupons. You can also win a bit of coal, which can be crafted into a gift (7 lumps = 1 gift) or saved for later. Coal is the ticket to enter the “Epic Holiday Giveaway”, where “the more coal you have, the better your chance of winning.” What do you win? Well, the first prize is every game on Steam, so you’ll want to be winning that, right?

There are numerous packs and publisher catalogues on offer throughout the sale, as well as many individual games on sale. We recommend, however, that you don’t buy any of these until the end of the sale, when you’re sure they haven’t come up as a daily deal at a bigger discount.

Today’s Daily Deals Include:

• Batman: Arkham City
• F1 2011
• S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Franchise
• PAYDAY The Heist
• Mount & Blade Franchise
• Jurassic Park
• Neverwinter Nights 2: Platinum
• Grotesque Tactics Franchise
• Sherlock Holmes Franchise
• Defense Grid: The Awakening
• Swords & Soldiers
• Monday Night Combat

My recommendations today are F1 2011, because I am a racing nerd, and Batman, because I am a comic nerd also.

• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January
• What’s Happened To The Once “Glorious” Steam Sale?
• Steam Sale Day Nine: F.E.A.R, Black Ops 50% off
• Steam Sales Day 5: Dirt 3 66% off, Rage 50% off
• Steam Sale Day 4: Mass Effect Series, Blur 75% off
• Steam Autumn Sale Day 4: The Witcher 2, RAGE

The big Steam Christmas holiday sale is now on, lasting until Sunday, January 1, 2012.

The daily deals return, butthere’s a bit more to it than just a sale this time.

The “Great Gift Pile” provides challenges for steam users, giving the chance to win a free game or discount coupons. You can also win a bit of coal, which can be crafted into a gift (7 lumps = 1 gift) or saved for later. Coal is the ticket to enter the “Epic Holiday Giveaway”, where “the more coal you have, the better your chance of winning.” What do you win? Well, the first prize is every game on Steam, so you’ll want to be winning that, right?

There are numerous packs and publisher catalogues on offer throughout the sale, as well as many individual games on sale. We recommend, however, that you don’t buy any of these until the end of the sale, when you’re sure they haven’t come up as a daily deal at a bigger discount.

This year the daily deals are in an incredibly annoying format for me to write them all out here, so I’ll just point you towards the Steam front page instead- here. If any of our lovely readers has a problem with it, please leave a comment and let us know. Seriously, if even one of you finds it useful I promise I’ll add them all in manually.

Instead here are my recommendations from today’s deals:

• Portal and Portal 2 are two of the best games ever made.
• Just Cause 2 is more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

• Steam Sale Day Nine: F.E.A.R, Black Ops 50% off
• Steam Sales Day 5: Dirt 3 66% off, Rage 50% off
• Steam Autumn Sale Day 3: Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Dead Island
• Steam Summer Sale is on, Say Farewell to Your Savings
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• Steam Begins Autumn Sale: Day 1 Brings Savings on Mass Effect 2, Portal 2

It’s a very magical holiday season as both Christmas and Hanukkah fall upon the same release week. Will the December blues continue with yet another bah-humbug release week or could a release from a galaxy far far away have gamers yelling, “Ho, Ho, Ho”?

Unfortunately, console fans get nothing but downloadable games while portable gamers get NADA (Nothing And Don’t Ask).

The most publicized release this week is easily Star Wars: The Old Republic, BioWare’s massively multiplayer online role-playing game based in the Star Wars universe releases to much fanfare for the PC.

The big multiplat release this week is Trine 2, a side-scrolling action platform and puzzle gamel developed by Frozenbyte. The online co-op adventure will be available on PSN and XBLA this week.

Over the past five years it’s been abundantly clear that Zombies + almost anything = big $$$. So why not Zombies and Vampires? Vampires vs. Zombies has nothing to do with the Plants vs Zombies franchise, but will feature addictive game play in the vein of  the Farm Frenzy franchise. It will be available this week for the PC.

Pick of the Week – I can’t deny the the amount of fun that can be enjoyed from online c0-op action. Which is one of the reason why Trine 2 deserves a good. At the same time, the attraction to an online mmorpg which takes place in the Star Wars Universe is undeniable, despite $15 a month subscription fees. Star Wars: The Old Republic

Check out the full list of releases below.

PlayStation 3

• Sonic CD (PSN)
• Trine 2 (PSN)

Xbox 360

• Trine 2 (XBLA)

Wii

• NADA

PC

• Star Wars: The Old Republic
• Star Wars: The Old Republic CE
• Vampires vs. Zombies

3DS

• NADA

DS

• NADA

PSP

• NADA

Have a Happy Hanukkah and a Very Merry Christmas!

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You’ve probably heard of the glorious Steam Sales. Yeah the ones that happen on special events such as Christmas holidays, where PC gamers around the world flock onto Steam to check what the daily specials are, making the sale itself a special event of it’s own. On many gaming websites you find super active threads asking what people are buying or holding out for. It’s as if this was a “Steam’s Closing Down SALE!”, but we all know it will be back to normal in about a week.

But I think the once “glorious” Steam sale might be getting a bit too traditional. What I mean is that they’re not very special anymore. I remember the first Steam Sale that I participated in. It was such an awesome experience buying all of these games for the amazing price of $5. I don’t know how aware you are with the prices of video games over here in New Zealand or in Australia, but it really sucks when we’re paying about $80-100 USD for a new release game. Naturally, I bought around 20 games in these sales, especially knowing how expensive they’d be otherwise.

When the next sale came along, I only bought about five games, and up to the 2010 Christmas Sale it was only ever one purchase each sale. I’m not even sure if it’s just me that is having this problem, but I didn’t even purchase one game in the Steam summer camp event. If that’s not a shock to you, then it’s clear that we have a problem.

Sure, people that are new to Steam will still get that amazing rush that me and a lot of others got, but there are only so many people that will join Steam. This makes me think Steam Sales will become less important. Any Valve game (excluding Portal 2) that goes on sale now already seems pointless. Counter-Strike: Source is now owned by basically everyone, but you can’t expect those people to keep playing it forever. The Half-Life series is now getting on in age and if you haven’t experienced it yet, you probably won’t want to – By now it’s lost it’s novelty.

U Mad?

I think Valve knows it’s happening too. With things like the ‘Steam Summer Camp’ asking you to buy a certain game and earn an achievement in it, it’s hard not to do because I know some of you achievement junkies just have to do it all. Not only is it specific achievements, but the addition of Team Fortress hats are also an extra incentive upon the low asking price.  Everyone loves TF2 hats…

I don’t think anyone but Valve can foresee what direction the Steam sales take in the future, but I think that for most users it’s moving away from the Black Friday Sale feeling and heading into a daily fire sale system. While I won’t argue the benefit for the consumers, as I’m sure we all love cheap games, it really makes buying games at full price seem like daylight robbery.

So what are your thoughts on this? Are Steam Sales still banging for you, or are you feeling what I’m feeling? Please, let me know.

• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January
• Final Day of Steam Sale: The Best of the Sale
• Steam Sale Day 10: Metro 2033, Portal, Just Cause 2 and More
• Steam Sale Day 8: Dragon Age, Thief, Bioshock and More
• Steam Sale Day 4: EVE Online, Dawn of War II Gold, Half-Life and More

RipTen would like to wish our readers Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas. In the honor of the Spirit of Giving, we would like to share with you our favorite Holiday gaming memories.

Read our most cherished holiday memories and feel free to add your own:

Dave Ernst

My favorite Christmas in gaming has to be when I finally got an NES when I was 5, back in ’91. At that age I played maybe a few games in arcades, but had never been exposed to gaming in an accessible way. I can’t thank my parents enough for gifting me a gaming console. They didn’t think I was old enough, but I suckered them into getting it for me by promising I would stay out of trouble.

Owning the NES truly was my “NINTENDO SIXXXTY FOURRRRRRR” moment as a kid. I remember busting out the Super Mario/Duck Hunt combo that came with the bundle and completely losing my shit. Seeing a world as strange as Mario for the first time is an insane experience as a kid and I will never forget it. All of my life I have been a creative person and I can thank my parents and gaming for it.

Bryce Wilson – Ripten AUS

Back when the Nintendo 64 first launched I got a copy of Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire for the 64. I was engrossed in the experience and unfortunately I had an annoying little brother who wanted to play, and I constantly kept telling him to shut up and to go away. He insisted on being annoying so I grab both outside grips of the Nintendo 64 controller and used the middle as a tool of destruction as I smashed it into his head. Needless to say, I didn’t get to play Nintendo for a while.

David Oxford

I believe my most memorable gaming Christmas was the year I finally got a Super Nintendo Entertainment System. I believe it was the Christmas of the year following its release, but back then, it felt like it might have been two or three years.

And even with the length of time after the system had been released, receiving it for Christmas seemed like anything but a sure thing, something my parents capitalized on when they had me unwrap The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, complete with a note saying that they couldn’t get the system, but maybe we could rent it now and then so that I could play my game.

Of course, I had to kind of feign happiness for what I did receive (and it was a great game, after all, so it wasn’t exactly insincere), but not for long– they brought the full console package with Super Mario World out once they’d had their moment.

With the Super NES in my possession, my Nintendo vs. SEGA rivalry with my best friend could finally, truly begin in earnest.

Sam Naylor - Ripten UK

Christmas Eve and a present sitting under the tree
My young mind was racing- just what could it be?
A toy car or a boat, what could be enclosed?
A puzzle indeed, as the box lid was closed.

As I got ready for bed I couldn’t but grin
For I’d spotted a figure with a beard on his chin
The smile was returned but he spoke not a word
And when I turned away he was gone- how absurd!

Christmas Day dawned and I dashed to the tree
To open the present that was given to me.
The wrapping tore off with a flick of my hand
“Golly!” I yapped, “It’s bloody Rock Band!”

That’s right, dear reader, I’m afraid you’ve been tricked
It was only last year- how could you predict?
“The man with the beard” you ask, “Was it Santa?”
No- it was me in the mirror, you stupid little wanker.

Matt Wadleigh

This is one that I’ve kept as my most closely guarded Christmas secret. I did a lot of holiday snooping when I was a kid. When I was 8, I discovered that my parents were buying me a GameBoy by digging through their closet and unwrapping some of the presents. I didn’t do a good job covering up the evidence and when they discovered my crime, they didn’t give me my gifts until February. When I was 12, I discovered my mom’s stash of presents and found out I was getting Metal Gear Solid. I couldn’t help but tell someone and I told my neighbor, who then turned around and told my mom. She was pissed.

At 16, I had got a lot better at it. Granted, at this age I shouldn’t have been snooping for games, but I knew what I was getting since I went to the store to pick out 4 new GBA games with my mom just before the big day. I just couldn’t wait for Tactics Ogre: The Knight of Lodis, so one night when she was sleeping, I went under the tree and tried to figure out which box was which. I have terrible luck, so I ended up opening all of them (very carefully this time). I carefully violated the plastic shrink wrap on the games and fished out the cartridges inside. Then I sealed them back up and spent the next five days before Christmas both elated that I had a bounty of awesome new games (I also got Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland that Christmas) and terrified that my crime would be uncovered.

But it wasn’t. I opened the gifts up on Christmas morning and the crime went undetected. But this was the last year I ever snooped. The victory felt hollow and though I enjoyed those games immensely, I should have waited.

Brandon Fenty

One of my favorite Christmas gaming memories was the year I got the original Super Smash Bros on the N64. I’d just bought the N64 for a birthday a few months before, and so every game on it still looked new and shiny. It was the first multiplayer game I had for the system, and my uncle, brother, sister and I all got to sit down and play a game together. J don’t remember how old I was, but it was great to game with other people.

I don’t remember how old I was at the time, but super smash definitely made an impression. The fact that four people could play simultaneously was a new concept for me, and even this Christmas I plan on sitting down to a good game of SSB Brawl with those same people.

Aaron Alexander - Ripten AUS

Christmas has always been gaming related for me, every present i can remember (from my father at least) has been a game. One Christmas, i remember wanting Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas with all my heart. Everyday leading up to this magnificent time, i would talk on and on to my Grandmother and Dad about how i wanted this amazing crime simulator.

Needless to say the day came, and my grandmother arrived with her batch of freshly wrapped presents. I knew San Andreas was in there, i could just smell it. Sure enough it was, as we all unwrapped our presents San Andreas was unveiled behind layers of wrapping paper, just not in my hands.

I got socks. My dad got San Andreas.

To this day i will never know if it truly was a mix up, or my grandmother thought i required more foot-warming material. However my father now assures me that it was given to him, so that i wouldn’t play it day in and out, as the present was originally intended for me and my siblings.

Pshhh, as if that stopped us Old Man!

Garrett Hartman

Growing up it seemed I always received game consoles on my Birthday.  Which wasn’t bad, but makes me have shift to my adulthood.  I wasn’t always a big gamer, actually for more than a few years I didn’t game at all and focused on lifting weights and powerlifting.  It wan’t until 2 years ago that this changed.

It had been a while since I played my PlayStaion 2 and I was impressed at what this new generation of video games could do.  I was torn on which system to get.  I had owned the PS1, PS2 and naturally wanted a PS3, but was fascinated by Gears of War.  On the other hand, I had read that MGS4 was the best damn game ever made.  It was a tough choice to make and I had planned on buying a system after Christmas.

Then Christmas 2008 came and under the tree my girlfriend had a nice big package waiting for me.  I knew immediately it had to be a video game system…but which one?  I frantically unwrapped to see a nice new Xbox 360 and a copy of Gears of War 2.  I couldn’t wait for Christmas family time to finish so I could sink my teeth into it.  Gears of War 2 and the Xbox 360 blew me away.  I was hooked.

Since then, gaming has become my hobby.   I no longer lift as much as I used to and have lost a bit  of  muscle from my former 20″ guns, but I’m happy.  Well anyway, the next year she got me a PS3 with MGS4. Needless to say I’m engaged to that girl – she’s a keeper.

Merry Christmas! Share your memories below.

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• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

Combine Chunk from Goonies with a sideways floor hugging rendition of the running man, the sound of three hundred screaming teenage girls at a Twilight premiere, and a request for the “hump your Xbox 360 dance” from mom, and you get the latest Youtube display of Holiday induced excitement, proving that it’s certainly more fun to give rather than receive. Enjoy the video below, I sure did.

[Thanks Gizmodo]

• The Watercooler: Those Aussies Are Pretty Loose
• The Watercooler: Kids These Days
• The Watercooler: Serj Orders a Coffee
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• False But Funny: Epic’s Unreal Engine Powers Chevy Super Bowl XLVI Spot

Outside of spending time with family, stuffing my face with food, and opening a crap-load of presents, my favorite thing about Christmas (and just about every other holiday) is the specials that appear on TV.

Remember that time Pac-Man saved Christmas? How about that age old Christmas carol that talks about the Batmobile losing a wheel and Joker getting away? Well, surely you remember the Star Wars Holiday special that aired once in 1978? Don’t feel bad about that last one. Even Harrison Ford and George Lucas themselves have claimed to have no recollection of it.

I’ve collected a bunch of Christmas specials, listed below in no particular order, so feel free to enjoy them after all your gifts have been unwrapped. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good chomp.

Pac-Man – Christmas Comes To Pacland (1982)

X-Men: Have Yourself a Morlock Little Christmas (1995)

Batman: Christmas with the Joker (1992)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Christmas Aliens (2003)

The Spectacular Spider-Man: (Christmas) Reinforcements (2008)

A Christmas Story (1983)

Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

Sonic Christmas Blast (1996)

South Park: A Very Crappy Christmas (2000)

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/103893

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1987)

The Simpsons Christmas Special

• Further Info, Video of Avi Arad’s Pac-Man TV Show
• Five O’Clock Fan Art: Pac-Man
• Street Fighter x Tekken Gets Mega Man, Pac-Man as Sony Exclusives – Trailer
• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

Since when did commercials become funny? Check out this Modern Warfare 2 ad. How come I never see funny commercials on my TV?

• Michael Bay’s Commercial for Need for Speed: The Run Is Awesome
• Blake Griffin Really Wants To Be in RAGE
• Kevin Butler (VP of Silent but Deadly) Shows Off SOCOM 4
• Check Out The Xperia Play (PlayStation Phone) Super Bowl Commercial
• Watch World of Warcraft: Cataclysm’s Cinematic Introduction and NFL TV Spot
• Walmart Modern Warfare 2 Ad is Actually Funny

Children and the modern Christmas do not mix. The amount of advertising stuffing electronic items into their chubby little cheeks fills me with a wistful sense of nonchalance. Children are spoilt, Christmas is ruled by consumerism, and the older generation isn’t down with the kids. These truths are summed up with one granny’s generosity.

Just to make it clear, when the old timer says “wee box” she does not mean a commode, or potty. “Wee” is a Scottish word for little. Nonetheless, receiving a potty for Christmas after you had asked for a Wii or an Xbox would be just as amusing.

Aye, Nintendo are playing a cruel worldwide prank by making us pronounce “wee” in embarrassing sentences. “I’m going to play with my Wii now Mummy”; “I really really want a Wii Daddy”. “Go to the toilet then you eejit!”

The Nintendo executives who created the name will be found standing in their shiny offices, pointing at their winkies and miming the taking of a “wee wee”. In truth, all Nintendo is really doing is pissing money. Enjoy the skit.

[youtube width="425" height="335"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBbN5Cm_t2g&eurl=http://www.absolutegadget.com/200712301005/news/games/wii-tops-top-game-console-poll.html[/youtube]

• Konami Profit $73 million in December, Raises Fiscal Year Forecast
• Rumor: Microsoft to Allow Real Money on Xbox Live this Year
• Steam Sale Day Nine: F.E.A.R, Black Ops 50% off
• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

As of Wednesday the 26th, my experience with Xbox LIVE could best be described as “inconsistent”. I am randomly and sporadically kicked off of the service, and by that, I mean any time I try to do something — anything.

To make sure this wasn’t an isolated case of shitty broadband service on the part of my cable provider, or a local “malfunction”, I rang up some friends in various parts of the country to see if they were having similar issues — they were.

Around noon today, my annoyance got the best of me, and I called up 1-800-4my-xbox. I was greeted, as always, by the never-helpful automated super-dork — Max.

I’ve been down this road before, so I know to skip past his bullshit by spouting off “Agent” a hundred times until he finally gets the hint.

Anyhow, long story short, the agent tells me that the Xbox LIVE servers are having difficulty dealing with the massive influx of users that apparently got a 360 for Christmas. “Seriously?” I asked. “Yes, seriously” he responded.

In fact, it’s such a problem, that they have temporarily disabled the ability to create a new LIVE account. I went ahead and tried to create an account (out of curiosity) and I wasn’t able to.

I am unsure if this is the “official” Microsoft stance regarding the issue, but it does seem logical, and it did come straight from the mouth of a Microsoft employee — Tier 3 even! His Thetan levels must be off the chart.

The agent estimated that the problems will be fixed by the end of the weekend, if not by the end of the night. So I guess I just want to say “thank you” to Microsoft for making such a killer system. If it weren’t so awesome, I might actually be able to sign into the Chromehounds servers and, you know, play some freaking games.

• Rumour: Metal Gear Solid Coming to XBLA
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• Ubisoft’s PC DRM Leaves Anno 2070 and Driver: San Francisco Unplayable
• Forza 4 “American Le Mans Series Pack” Available Today
• Xbox Live Prices Go Up Despite Decline in Metacritic Scores (XBLA)

Over at Cinematic Happenings Under Development, where the merry movie-goers know the real meaning of Christmas, they’ve put together some of the most memorable, and forgettable holiday-themed games.

A couple of these games might seem familiar to old-school types, like the adorable Christmas versions of Nights and Lemmings, but some, like the official GBA game based on The Christmas Clause 3, are about as likable as rancid gingerbread.

Check out the list and let us know which holiday versions you have fond memories of, and which ones you’d like to see. How about Gears of War at the North Pole?

Source: Chud.com

• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January
• New Video Game Releases: Dec. 19 – Dec. 25 (Happy Holidays Edition)
• What’s Happened To The Once “Glorious” Steam Sale?
• RipTen Christmas – Cherished Video Game Memories

But what’s even crazier about Haze is that it has had more release dates than a Guns and Roses’ concert. And just like a Guns and Roses’ concert, the closer we get to a release date the further it gets pushed back.

If my memory serves me right, the last release date for Haze was December 4th 2007 and just before we hit December, it was pushed back into “Q1 of 08″.

Haze was also rumoured to be released in February, but boy do we have some good news for you. Found on Play.com’s Playstation 3 section is a countdown for a Haze release date. The best part about this is that it tells us that the game is coming out in only 28 Days. And 28days later is January 18th!

So if Play.com is to be believed, play it smart this Christmas and keep some cash for next month, as Haze is one title not to be missed on the PS3.

• Free Radical Confirms Final Haze Resolution
• HAZE: Final Words on PS3 Exclusivity
• Play TV Priced and Dated By Play.com
• Rumour: Metal Gear Solid Coming to XBLA
• HAZE Review
• SKATE 2 Confirmed

More good news for Nintendo comes as these sales have, for the first time, pushed the DS install base over that of the Xbox 360 in the UK.

Selling 185,000 units in the first week of December, followed by over 200,000 units last week, the DS is proving all predictions right and is on track to become the must have toy this season.

The Wii is selling its fair share too, shifting more than 100,000 units just last week alone. Not bad when you consider the TV adverts for the Wii have been pulled in the UK following fears of stock shortages.

Source: GamesIndustry.biz

• Reggie: No Wii For X-Mas? Take A Raincheck!
• Nintendo Download 2/9/2012
• New Video Game Releases: Feb. 6 – Feb. 12
• Nintendo Download 2/2/2012
• Rhythm Heaven Fever Launch Event Announced
• Iwata: Not All Wii U Games Have to be in HD

Is any song of the Christmas season less relatable than the Twelve Days of Christmas? Since when does Christmas have 12 days? How wealthy would you have to be to afford gifts like 5 gold rings or 12 pipers piping?

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Old gift: 4 calling birds

Analysis: 4 gifts you will eventually have to bury.

New Gift: 4 HDTV’s

Analysis: The building blocks for the perfect game room.

Ok, you’re going to have to bear with me here, because this is going to be complete nerdage. Actually what made me start doing this 12 days of Christmas revised for gamers was the obsession I’ve had lately for creating an epic game room I’d call the Game Vault.

The main feature of the Game Vault would be its 4 HDTV’s optimally placed for competitive gaming. So for the fourth day of christmas, if i really did have a wealthy person bestowing gifts upon me, I’m taking four 50” 1080p Samsung beasts.

Why four? Because in my mind it’s the optimum number for local multi player games. Four Xbox 360’s, four HDTV’s, four leather couches, four bags of Cool Ranch Dorritos, four sturdy gnarled oak coffee tables, and four teams of four for Team Slayer on Valhalla. It’s what I dream of guys.

The four TV’s would be arranged in what I think would be the optimum one room set up: the “I Form”. This diagram, which looks to be drawn by a toddler (but was actually drawn by me trying my hardest) will give you a glimpse of the possible greatness.

Legend:

A: HDTV “I” form set up

B: Leather Couches

C. Bank Vault entrance

D. Over-dramatic Industrial Switch

The “I Form” provides some seclusion for each team of four to plan their strategy and guard against dirty screen watching while also providing enough proximity to yell insults and scream at your friends.

And, what would be even more Johnny Quest amazing? When I reach for the beat up industrial box on the wall, and flip the over-dramatic looking red switch inside, setting in motion the motorized tracks attached to each TV! The 4 border-less HDTV’s then form a giant screen, and the couches line up into theatre seating for single player games, Rock Band sessions, or some Wii sports with the chicas.

I’m also thinking some bamboo or ancient japanese weapons to accent the darkly painted walls, original Frank Miller art, and an adjoining kitchen for the purpose of speed and easy access. Throw on an authentic circular bank vault for a door, and I think we have the perfect gaming room.

As for names, I’m leaning towards the “Game Vault” or “Post-Apocalyptic Game Haven” because of my love for the Fallout series, but with a game room like this, the name could really be anything.

You know, maybe 16 screens would be better. That way every team member would get their own screen. What am i saying? Lets not get crazy here!

12 Days of Christmas, for Gamers: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 3
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 2
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 1
• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

Is any song of the Christmas season less relatable than the Twelve Days of Christmas? Since when does Christmas have 12 days? How wealthy would you have to be to afford gifts like 5 gold rings or 12 pipers piping?

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

Old Gift: 3 French Hens

Analysis: Unpatriotic. Go eat a crepe.

New Gift: 3 changes to the Video Game Awards.

Analysis: Desperately needed.

So, even though it was a week back, here’s three tips to help the VGA creators connect with gamers next time.

1. Show all the awards.

This is what stunned me most about the VGA’s. They didn’t show the majority of the awards. They recapped them, in about a minute. Honestly, it felt kind of insulting. Especially when they followed the recap with a painfully longer segment featuring Tila Tequila choosing which next gen console she wanted to love.

It’s an awards show. Show the awards.

2. Choose hosts who are passionate and sincere about games.

The VGA’s were chock full of celebs and psuedo-celebs, most of which didn’t seem excited or truthful about their love for games. That coupled with the very model heavy look of the audience lent to an air insincerity. Even Samuel L., as cool as he is, hosted with an air of being above the awards, or games in general.

[ifilm 2920728 nolink]

I don’t know about you guys, but i can kind of feel when someone is bluffing about the love of our favorite past time. But seriously, choose celebs who actually do love games and give them some freedom to nerd out about them.

Also, some of the guests and hosts who did seem to know a thing about games seemed to be trying too hard for the laugh. I would suggest taking the comedic pressure off them a little bit and let them focus at actually introducing the awards that they probably feel honored in introducing.

3. Remember that this is about games and honoring their creators.

Bioshock beat out Halo 3 for game of the year! That’s freaking huge! But not to anyone at the VGA’s, seemingly. Why didn’t we get any long shots of Bungies’ table while the creators of Bioshock were giving their awards speech, you always get those dramatic shots at the Academy awards or the Emmy’s. Did anyone even care?

I thought the game exclusive peeks were a great idea. i loved seeing the trailer for Borderlands and hear crazy ol’ Don King announce a new boxing game. Add to that. Get the developers and the publishers involved. Get Bungie to show sneak peeks of new multiplayer maps. Tell Rockstar to get some hype going for the L.A. Noir trailer or GTA gameplay that they’ll be debuting. Get the guys at Infinity Ward to rally their fanbase to support them by watching the awards. And forget trying to tie in the MTV crowd with stars from current shows.

And lastly, lets honor the creators of the games like other legit awards shows do. Honor the people that have worked so hard. I have nothing but respect for the guys at Infinity Ward or Bungie. Lets let them feel that they really have achieved as much as they have. Maybe the “crazy smoking monky” award really isn’t the way to go. The people winning those crazy smoking monkey awards are netting a lot more cash than the guys winning the little golden statues this year. Maybe it’s time for a reality check and a little bit of a respect upgrade.

On the third day of Christmas my true love game to me:

Three changes to the VGA’s

Two Kane & Lynch’s

And a Video game loving girlfriend.

12 Days of Christmas, for Gamers: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 4
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 2
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 1
• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

Is any song of the Christmas season less relatable than the Twelve Days of Christmas? Since when does Christmas have 12 days? How wealthy would you have to be to afford gifts like 5 gold rings or 12 pipers piping?

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

Old Gift: Two Turtle doves.

Analysis: Scary. The horrific result of turtles and doves getting it on.

New gift: Two copies of Kane and Lynch

One of the ear marks of this generation’s video games is the push to move towards more co-op gameplay. Taking down Scarabs in Halo 3 with one buddy in my room and one buddy from across the city, talking to us through my TV, was one of the greatest gaming experiences I’ve ever had and totally got me on the co-op loving bandwagon.

And I’d like to board that bandwagon again, playing Kane and Lynch. The problem is that I can’t find anyone to play with.

And that made me think about how many problems Co-op intended games are going to run into, if not handled properly. I would have bought a copy of Kane and Lynch the week it came out if i had one, just one, friend that was on board with me. But since I don’t, and I know that, like Halo 3, I won’t get the full game experience if I don’t play the campaign cooperatively, I’m not going to buy it.

One of my buddies once said, “So what game are we all going to buy next?” That made me realize that the way we buy games has completely changed. Some gamers will only buy the games that will allow them to kill or kill with their friends.

And since we are going to be buying games as groups, this gives us gamers power that marketers wish they had. We are going to act as salespeople for our favorite games, probably more than the actually salespeople will. If one or two of my Xbox Live friends are getting a game, then there is a high chance that i will purchase it too. The biggest gift that Santa may be giving to us for this coming year is a job as a game marketer to our friends.

We will decide if a game like EA’s upcoming Army of Two succeeds or fails. They market it us well, and we’ll market it to our friends well.

Unfortunately, I feel that co-op emphasis is going to widen the sales gap between blockbusters like Halo 3 and undersellers like Kayne and Lynch. Think about it, one of the reasons Halo 3 was that if you want to play campaign on co-op, there’s a good chance that one of your friends will own the game and actually be on live playing it. But how much fun is co-op when no one wants to play?

And while we’re on the topic, how weird is it that we’ll now have to schedule time with our friends to go through a co-op campaign. And is it a breech in the friendship if play ahead? But that’s all irrelevant if i can’t convince my buddy to by the same game.

I hope EA’s marketing blows us away for Army of Two. I hope it has the hype of Assassin’s Creed. That way I won’t have to waste my 2nd day of Christmas on it next year.

And so on the second day of Christmas, could you give to me two copies of Kane and Lynch, so I don’t have to hard sell a game to my buddies?

12 Days of Christmas, for Gamers: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 4
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 3
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 1
• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

Is any song of the Christmas season less relatable than the Twelve Days of Christmas? Since when does Christmas have 12 days? How wealthy would you have to be to afford gifts like 5 gold rings or 12 pipers piping?

Also, what the hell is a lord-a-leaping? Why are half the gifts bird themed? Is there really a person who, after receiving 6 different bird species would say, “No honey, I wanted MORE birds”?

The only thing to be taken away from this archaic carol is the fact that Christmas would probably be a lot sweeter if we had someone wealthy giving us gifts for twelve days. Especially if the number of gifts we got went up with every subsequent day. But the best would be if this generous person themed the gifts around video games.

On the First day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Old Gift: A partridge in a pear tree.

Analysis: Strange.

plus

Ugly bird. Depressing tree.

Is this a fully grown pear tree? Or one of those cards that says they planted a tree for you this Christmas as your Christmas present? Because that’s just lame.

I think most gamers would prefer these:

yum yum gaming rocking chair

New Gaming Gift: The video game loving Girlfriend.

Analysis: Awesome.

My buddy told me a story of a girl who worked a job for 5 months, accumulated a load of cash and then took off two months to do nothing but play Everquest, morning to midnight. She did a similar thing for Counterstrike. That’s amazing, but maybe all you need is a girl that really loves games, someone who will help you figure out how to find the weak spot on a colossus or find the big key in the water temple.

I had the pleasure of having a girlfriend similar to this. Marvel at this sampled dialogue below.
Game: The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Me: Link is so tough.

Girlfriend: I don’t think Link is tough, I think he’s just brave.

Me: Wow. Hmm… I think you’re right.

She could have said, “I don’t know who Link is, I want new boots.” Instead, the Video Game Loving girlfriend correctly analyzed Link’s strongest qualities.

Game: X-men Legends

My friend: Wolverine’s powers all depend on his healing factor. Think about it, even when he pops his claws, they’re ripping through the flesh in his arms and knuckles.

Girlfriend: What about his sense of smell?

My friend: His heightened senses? Um…well…

Me: I think she just out-nerded you, buddy.

She could have said, “You guys are such nerds, you should probably be punished for taking joy in the things you take joy in.” Instead, the Video Game Loving girlfriend not only affirmed our nerdy discussion, but also lent her own nerdiness to it.

However, one thing we must realize about the Video Game Loving girlfriend is that she is still in fact, a girl. And that may mean that she won’t want you to be the Dark Jedi. She might want to play Animal Crossing instead of Call of Duty and you’ll have to be sensitive to that. She may even accuse you of “going home early to spend time with your virtual girlfriends in San Andreas.” That’s a toughy to get out of.

In the end, you’ve hurt my real relationships, hon.

And lastly, it’s important to remember that it may be a red flag if the Game Loving girlfriend starts loving games more than you. I know some would argue the pyramid example, that as you get closer to your love of games at the top of the pyramid, you get closer in your love for each other.

But, just to be cautious, I’d have a sit down meeting with her to let her know that you trust her even though she’s been spending so much time with so many strong male protagonists, like the ones in Halo or Final Fantasy. Remember, Master Chief is tall. Cloud is charismatic. Make sure she’s not too attached to them.

Even with this in mind, a game loving girlfriend is still much better than a dirty bird in a depressing fruit tree.

12 Days of Christmas, for Gamers: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 4
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 3
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Revised for Gamers – Day 2
• Watch Serious Sam Blow Up Your Christmas
• Steam Sale Day 3: Batman: Arkham City, F1 2011 50% off
• The Steam Holiday Sale is Now On, Until the First of January

In a conference call this morning, Nintendo’s executive mangod Reginald Fils-Aime announced the implementation of a “Wii Raincheck” program for parents or gamers unable to find a console this Christmas.

Nintendo is partnering with Gamestop on this one, selling “tens-of-thousands” of reserve slips through individual stores. You’ll have to go to your local shop and pay for a Wii in full if you want to receive one, which guarantees you a console in January.

Of course, it won’t do much to assuage your recipient’s disappointment come the morning of the 25th. Don’t expect any N64-kid style outbursts when they find a mere certificate under the tree. Rather, it seems like a good way to pad Nintendo’s bottom line (and console sales) for the month of December, as what you’re essentially doing is “pre-ordering” a system a year-plus after its launch.

Nonetheless, we can see a lot of people taking advantage of this new program, effectively cutting out what might’ve been competitor console purchases made to get something in time for Chirstmas.

Good news, though, is that there will apparently be plenty of Wiis this weekend, so call your local retailers and ask or check out your Sunday-morning circulars for details (of course, by then it may just be too late!).

[Source: Wired Game|Life]

• GameStop Offering PokéPark 2 Preorder Bonus
• Nintendo Announces North American Q1 2012 Lineup
• Reggie Fils-Aime To Show Off Zelda: Skyward Sword On Jimmy Fallon Tonight
• Nintendo Not Looking To Do Business With “Garage Developers”
• Lost Nintendo Games Volume 3. Disaster Day Of Crisis
• Nintendo Download 2/9/2012

When do we get to go Home? Christmas is a time to be at Home with the family, so we can only hope that Sony gives us a present too. Wishful thinking maybe, but Christmas would be the perfect time. What better way to get away from the trials and tribulations of family bother, than to bury your attention into perfectly creating Father Christmas or Gary Glitter in Playstation Home and then making him dance like a numpty!

Well with that in mind, here’s a recent tour of Playstation Home, showing off some of the most in depth character customisation outside of Mass Effect.

• StarHawk Beta Begins Today for PS Plus Members – Checkout New Gameplay Trailer
• Behold John Carmack’s Entire 1.5 Hour Quake Con 2011 Keynote
• New Anarchy Reigns Story Trailer Doesn’t Help People – It Kills Them
• Assassin’s Creed: Revelations Director’s Walkthrough is Epic
• Crysis 2 – Awesome Cheats, Secrets and Easter Egg Guide
• Marvel Pinball Actually Looks Kinda Awesome