Tired of boring breakfast cereal? Thinking of remodeling your kitchen? Well, if you answered yes to both of these questions, Cole Train has the breakfast pick-me-up you’ve been looking for baby! Hit the jump for a COG sized scoop of sugary goodness.

Anabolic steriods as a free prize in the box? It’s a shame we didn’t all have something this awesome for breakfast growing up.

The two minute Gears of War 2 cinematic intro paints a picture of human ignorance fueled by a “hunger for power” — soldiers marching without hesitation into a war that the narrative suggests they brought upon themselves. Pretty darn deep for a game centered around albino skinned monsters who live underground.

Hit the jump for face full of Locust and things that go BOOM!

I’m sorry to say that while I consider myself a fairly loyal Gears of War fan, it’s my opinion that the gang at Epic overcomplicated their most recent attempt to market Gears 2.

I have tried to focus long enough to figure out what the hell the mystery COG tags point to, but despite the multitude of posts around the web claiming to have all the answers, I simply can’t bring myself to give a fuck any longer.

Seriously, unless cracking the code grants me a few hours alone in the Playboy Mansion grotto with two handfuls (you read that right) of Playboy Bunnies, it’s just too much work.

What do you think? Are you interested in complex marketing attempts, or would you prefer that companies “keep it simple stupid.”

E for All is underway, and while the Gears of War 2 booth is dishing out coin sized COG tags, they pale in comparison to the one shown above which surfaced on the web October 1st.

A twitter hint posted by Gears 2 community manager, SixOkay, recommended that fans take a closer look at the latest Gears 2 trailer on their website. Upon doing so, you will notice that the aforementioned COG flashes on the screen at the 1:07 mark in the clip. Interesting — let’s continue.

The caption on the image clearly reads “every tag tells a tale”, which directly relates to the title of a post made on the official Gears of War 2 website yesterday (shown below).

EVERY TAG TELLS A TALE

Issued to every Gear serving the Coalition of Ordered Governments, the COG Tag is a formidable piece of identification. These metal gears, worn on a chain, are sometimes all that’s left to identify fallen comrades. Every COG Tag is imprinted with a unique ID code, the last words on the last day of a solider’s story. Since Emergence Day, thousands of COG Tags have been recovered from solitary pools of blood on battlefields throughout Sera.

Seeking some answers, Joystiq met up with the Gears 2 community manager at the show, and was told the following:

“Wait… did you see this image recently? A huge COG tag that’s thick and made out of metal? Yeah, there’s a big announcement about that coming out. I can’t say anything about it really, but keep watching the website all weekend. And no, it’s not something you can buy. It’s made of metal, is thick, and weighs about two pounds.”

So, we can’t buy it and its made of metal weighing in at roughly two pounds. The video doesn’t explain it and the site which first unearthed it says very little about its origin either — unless you consider a drool inducing reaction pertinent information. I wouldn’t mind seeing Flavor Flav rocking one of these bad boys in place of his signature time piece.

As it stands now, Epic has all the answers, and the rest of us will just need to sit tight and check their site over the weekend like the man says.