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Four British Videogame Characters You Can Wail On For the 4th of July

Dylan Duarte — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 02:47:00 +0000

On July 4th, 1776, the United States Declaration of Independence was ratified and America slipped through the tea-stained fingers of the Kingdom of Great Britain. Well over 200 years later, the British are still an ever-present threat, and it is up to us, the gamers, to keep them at bay. Here are four British videogame characters that you can patriotically pound into submission to celebrate our independence.

Cammy – Street Fighter Series

Don’t let her breasts, lack of sufficient clothing, and cute pigtails get your guard down – this blonde bombshell is British MI6 and has the special forces training to prove it. Some of you might be hesitant to attack a woman, and I can admire that, but it’s a weakness you can’t afford to have when our freedom is at stake.

Cammy first appeared in Super Street Fighter II and has been a fan favorite ever since, even winning Capcom’s official “Which Character do fans most want in SFIV?” poll with almost as many votes as everyone else combined. She’s a popular character, no question, which is all the more reason to stop her before it gets out of hand. Bonus points for beating her with American-as-apple-pie Guile.

Wolf O’ Donnell – Star Fox Series

Wolf O’Donnell, sometimes referred to as Lord O’Donnell, is the archenemy of Fox McCloud. Don’t be fooled by the fact that he’s not even human, but a wolf. This is wolf is a Redcoat if I’ve ever seen one, only more feral. Turn your back on him and he’ll go straight for your tea and crumpets. He’s also capable of flying aircraft, so be careful of that.

He’s the leader of Star Wolf, who Andross hired to take down the Star Fox team. Naturally, he and his team of misfits fail, and him and Fox have been dancing the dance ever since. He most recently appeared in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, alongside his nemesis. So fire your Nintendo Wii up and teach this old dog a new trick, the trick of playing dead – permanently (because he’s real dead).

Narcis Prince – Super Punch-Out

Where better to display your jingoism than in the ring? In Super Punch Out, if you make it to the special circuit, the first opponent you’ll square off against is the British narcissist and Ivy Leaguer Narcis Prince. He’s a decent boxer but he’s too in love with his face – so if you smash it, he’ll proceed to lose his shit like a football hooligan.

And who better to go all bald eagle on his ass than Little Mac, who comes straight from the Bronx, New York? Super Punch-Out is available on the Wii’s virtual console. So grab your controller, lace up, and knock that limey shit back across the pond.

The Great Mighty Poo – Conker’s Bad Fur Day

And to top off our list, I bring you The Great Mighty Poo, an enemy boss from Conker’s Bad Fur Day for Nintendo 64 (and remade as Conker Live & Reloaded for Xbox). He is, literally, a great big British pile of shit. And he sings! And throws poo balls, which are really just fragments of his disgusting body.

Now I’m not sure what nationality Conker is, it’s a little tricky to tell with squirrels. But, considering how much violence he obsessively dishes out, I think you can made a strong case that he’s a God-fearin’, fast food-eatin’, red-white-and-blue American.

So go forth my fellow freedom fighters and remind those posh sumbitches that America will not be messed with. I know some of you like the PS3, and others are glued to the Xbox 360. And some of you are lifelong Nintendo fans and swear by the Wii. But we can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution — but from annihilation. We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist.

And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We’re going to live on!

We’re going to survive!”

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

Happy 4th of July!

Video Games > Movies in England

Gavin Bard — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 07:39:00 +0000

Well, we’ve done it. Gamers everywhere should take out their favorite bottle of cheap liquor and toast themselves for overtaking movies as the biggest entertainment cash cow around. At least in England they should, so I guess replace ‘bottle of cheap liquor’ with ‘nice cup of tea.’

As reported by the Telegraph, in the calendar year before September 2009 the humble video game outpaced film in terms of consumer dollars spent. It wasn’t even that close. The Brits paid £1.73 billion to video game companies, while movies raked in slightly under £1.2 billion of hard earned cash. For the math challenged, that is more than a £500 million difference.

That is a whole lot of weird looking Ls, especially considering movies are still considered a respected art form while video games constantly get written off and ignored as an art form by people who don’t know what they are talking about.

Does this mean the stereotypes will be defeated and the long overdue respect for gaming is peeking at us from around the corner? Probably not, knowing how out of touch the vast majority of the population is. At least Tom Watson, an actual real life politician and somebody who does know what he is talking about, thinks it is about time people in charge catch up:

“Like anything digital, Parliament has a very narrow view of video games. Too many politicians think video games are played by teenage boys staying up all night shooting things in their bedroom. And yes there are plenty of those, but there also a huge range of people of many different ages who love playing games. The industry has matured over the last decade, and so too have gamers.”

I think a lot of companies have been getting the message that games are a huge way to make money, and having some cold facts like this might push the rest over the fence. Money more than anything else talks, and the idea of having a super powerful gamers lobby in Washington makes my heart go all a flutter. Still, there is a long way to go. The absolutely nonsensical Modern Warfare 2 controversy, which you may have heard about once or twice, is a good example of the double standard that video games are still held to and an even better example of the hurdles that are still in front of the medium being taken seriously by the majority. You don’t see many real movie reviewers jumping around yelling about too much violence in a war movie, but hypocritical video game journalists who talk about how games should be an artform and deserve more respect rail against No Russian like it kicked their dog. Soccer moms and opportunistic politicians beat their drums much more often over Grand Theft Auto than they do when Rambo rips someone’s throat out. Before somebody points out that Rambo doesn’t kill innocents, which makes me wonder about their definition of innocent, remember that this is a world where Eli Roth can crap out torture porn onto celluloid and make $100 million easy.

There is still some way to go before games are considered on the same level as movies, but with the all mighty dollar and L shaped thing in gaming’s corner, it is at least a start.

[Source: Telegraph]

Left 4 Dead 2 adds subtle Shaun of the Dead reference

Sam Naylor — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 08:41:41 +0000

As you can see in the (brilliant) above image, Valve have revealed a certain sports bat will be featured in Left 4 Dead 2. Yes, the cricket bat, likely a homage to the fantastic zombie film Shaun of the Dead, will be available for use. Perhaps I should be berated for posting something that is probably a little trivial and not newsworthy- that was my initial reaction.

However, by doing this post, I am able to simultaneously post a picture of a zombie being smacked by a cricket bat by a man in a hat with the English flag on it, and praise a brilliant British film. This is the first time I’ve ever felt patriotic, and it’s all thanks to zombies.

Oh, and as a bonus for those who clicked the read more button, I’ll tell you why I haven’t been updating recently: I’ve been on holiday in England.

Thieves Steal a Truckload of Games… Twice

Dan Landis — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:18:23 +0000

In a story that I’m sure is incredibly embarrassing for the police forces of England, a semi carrying approximately $1 million in PlayStation 3 videogames (including GTA and Brothers in Arms) was stolen by a merry band of thieves. The truck and its cargo were then recovered by police, who failed to capture the men responsible, which led to the same merry band of thieves stealing the same truck full of games from the custody of the police themselves!

The story began in Northampton, UK, when a truck carrying 16,000 PS3 games was reported stolen. The bobbies were fast on the scene and tracked down the car the thieves used to transport the stolen goods. The games and the truck originally carrying them were then taken to a police depot where they could be examined for clues leading to the identities of the thieves. The police apparently didn’t keep a close enough eye on that truck…

The looters returned for their ill-gotten merchandise within hours and re-stole both the truck and the pallets of PS3 games right out of the police depot. The truck itself was found yesterday, but the modern pirates seemed to have made off with a plentiful booty. A police spokesman had the following to say:

“We are pursuing a number of lines of enquiry, including eBay transactions where a number of the games have been potentially identified as being advertised for sale. Arrests have already been made in respect of this.”

Yes, I’m sure the people clever enough to steal directly from the police are stupid enough to get caught selling stuff on eBay. Nice try, though. If these thieves were going to use eBay to unload their goods, why not just send empty boxes to people and not have to steal the games in the first place? What would be great is if the thieves did sell the games on eBay and then went to the winning bidders’ houses and re-stole the games back a third time.

Source: Unigamesity

The Queen Loves Wii and Crumpets

Dylan Duarte — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:03:18 +0000

Queen Elizabeth II

According to thepeople.co.uk, Queen Elizabeth II is quite the gadget fiend. Along with a mobile phone, BlackBerry, and iPod, the senior member of the British Royal Family is now hooked on the Nintendo Wii.

Prince William’s girlfriend purchased him Nintendo’s prized console as a Christmas gift. When the Queen saw William playing, she joined in and tried her hand at bowling. According to sources from the Palace, the Queen was a natural.

Those of us who live stateside can only wish our leadership was as cool. I once read that President Bush listens to My Sharona on his iPod while bicycling. I guess that’s sort of neat.

Via Joystiq