RipTen Videogame Blog » Portal

Ten Funny Scripted Video Game Jokes

Sam Naylor — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:00:44 +0000

Games can be funny. More often than not, it’s a glitch or quirk of the game can create hilarious results, or just the nature of the game (see: Just Cause 2). What I thought needed a salute, however, was the scripted humour in video games providing mirthful moments. Adventure games from the 1990s were a goldmine, but I’ve tried not to include them too much here- otherwise it would just be a list of the best jokes Tim Schafer wrote. Here you’ll find an eclectic mix of genres, all with one thing in common: they made me laugh out loud. I’m not saying these are the best, as humour is so subjective, but they’re some of my favourites. If you’ve got better ones, leave a comment.

1. [Subject name here]

This was the first time I properly laughed out loud listening to GLaDOS in Portal. Most of her lines are amusing in an ‘oh-that-was-clever’ way, but for some reason this one really took me by surprise. I still think it’s funnier than most of the iconic stuff about the companion cube, though I can see why those were picked up on by the Internet. In fact, I think this might be the best joke in the whole of Portal canon, simply because it was the only one I could think of word-for-word when making this list.

2. Er… I’m over this way.

I select this particular joke not because it’s the funniest joke in The Secret of Monkey Island, but more because it sets the scene for a superbly-written comedy game. I also happen to think it’s a great example of a joke which is enhanced by being a gamer. We become used to sprites looking weird and not lining up with what they are supposed to be doing, so when it’s pointed out like that, it just makes it even funnier.

3. You can see how good my painting’s getting.

This one’s all the better for the fact that there just aren’t that many jokes in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. The element of surprise just makes it all the better when you see Modryn Oreyn’s attempt at fine art. There are a few jokes to be found in Oblivion, but for me, this one is the best. Unfortunately, I’ve kind of ruined it by featuring it here. Sorry about that.

4. Relax

No video for this one, but as it’s a simple dialogue joke I’ll just quote it instead. This one’s part of a huge line of jokes which hit you one-by-one in the Sam and Max games developed by Telltale, but it’s a personal favourite of mine. As with Portal, it was one of the first jokes that really made me laugh out loud while I was playing- so much so that I remembered it more clearly than any other jokes in the games.

Sam: (looking at Sybil’s “Relax” sign) That’s got to be the least relaxing sign I ever seen.
Max: What about the on at the barbershop that says, “Low Fatality Rate”?
Sam: I stand corrected.

5. Exploder

It would be hard to make a list of the best jokes without including something from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. The old GTA games were full of parodies and jokes, and my favourite comes in the form of a fake advert on the in-game radio station, V-Rock. I would say the whole ad is hilarious, but if you forced me to pick a specific joke, it would have to be “But I’m not married! You are now- to America!”

6. Ahem. Yeah, I’m aware of that.

This joke is great for its sheer simplicity. The animation on the kick in the plums is quite funny in itself, but when Cortez from TimeSplitters Future Perfect replies to the girl in the high voice it makes me laugh every time. This is another joke that stands out in my memory as something I really chuckled away at when I first played it. Great game, by the way, and it has a good sense of humour throughout.

7. Bowser bares all

Paper Mario is littered with references and jokes, and some of the best come in the form of giving personalities to the famous characters. In this aside from the action of the game, Peach discovers Bowser’s diary, where he is seen writing, “Ohh, I’m Mario, I’m so big and strong and good and helpful…”

8. Try to remember the mission, if you can.

There are lots of silly conversations to be had in Metal Gear Solid 2, but this is my pick of the lot. It’s partly a reference to the first game, but partly just Otacon telling Snake off for being a pervert. Great attention to detail in this game, and it’s rewarding to see what kind of reactions you get- especially if you get a gem like this.

9. Sarcastic general

This is probably stretching the definition of a joke, but since it was scripted and makes me laugh, I’m going to include it anyway. The FMV cutscenes in Red Alert 3 are all rather funny in a campy parody sort of way- and made even better by the inclusion of Tim Curry and George Takei. This clip in particular made me laugh most, just because I love this idea of a military general being so sarcastic about war.

10. Super Mean Boy

To finish, a joke from Super Meat Boy without any dialogue at all- and it’s all the better for it. There are actually two jokes here, and I’m not sure which I like better. The ‘kick’ part has the surprise element, but the pillow bit is much more subtle and dark. Whichever one you prefer, it’s a funny sequence.

This Guy Had A Very Portal Christmas

Catherine Cai — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 19:00:44 +0000

Think you’ve got the coolest Christmas tree on the block? Nope, I think redditor Tmyakal has you beat.

He’s taken nerdy Christmas to the next level by building this Portal Christmas tree. I wonder where the presents go?

Cleaning up the pine needles looks like it’s going to be fun…

Steam Trading Out of Beta, Now Available for Spiral Knights and Portal

Catherine Cai — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 23:00:25 +0000

A while back, Valve introduced the Steam Trading service beta to Team Fortress 2 so that people can trade items amongst each other… hats included.

Now, one month and one million traded items later, Steam Trading is no longer in beta and now available for Portal 2 and the free-to-play, Legend of Zelda-esque MMO Spiral Knights. Steam Trading support has also been made available for the Steamworks SDK.

So go forth, Portal 2ers! Go forth, Spiral Knighters! Trade and gift things to your hearts content!

Lean more about Steam Trading HERE <— teh Steam forumz.

Super Mario Bros Meets Portal in Indie Title ‘Mari0′

Sam Naylor — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 19:34:36 +0000

What would happen if you stuffed Super Mario Bros and Portal into one indie game? Well, Mari0, obviously.

Mari0 is a free game in development now (release date: don’t ask) which blends the two games. “The primary maps will have a story and some portaly puzzles,” say Stabyourself, an indie developer made up of Maurice Guégan and Sašo Smolej.

The game will include all the SMB levels, including the Lost Levels, and you can even edit them on the fly. There’s even simultaneous multiplayer.

The gameplay looks like it really blends the two games well:

It’s not often I see a mash-up game like this and think it looks good, but the video above really shows how well the two games go. Too often these sorts of things are a silly little diversion for ten minutes but this one looks great. Let us know what you think in the comments.

This Portal Live Action Short Film is Magnificent

Catherine Cai — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 11:02:35 +0000

Short films based off of videogames rarely excite me. They’re usually amateurish, poorly put-together slop jobs that often make me weep for humanity – particularly the fan made ones. Obviously, when I came across a Portal short film, I wasn’t exactly stoked to hear about it. Portal had one of the most compelling gameplay atmospheres I’ve ever encountered in a videogame and I really didn’t want to see it ruined with Blair Witch shaky-camera-syndrome and poorly-edited green screen.

My, how wrong I was.

Portal: No Escape sets the god damn gold standard for fan-made films. It’s faithful to the essence of the videogames, although it doesn’t include the humorous bits that come with certain robot personalities. Although the short takes itself a little too seriously in comparison to the original piece, it’s so well done that I didn’t mind.

Also, it made me quite happy to see that Chell wasn’t cast with a lingerie model turned actress hopeful. Danielle Rayne looks like she can and will fuck you up.

The Steam Version of Bastion Features Portal Turrets!!

Dave Oshry — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 21:00:39 +0000

Bastion is a rather awesome little game. Featuring a great art style, tight controls, an intriguing story and a one of a kind narrator – it’s gotten almost universal acclaim.

Well, just when things couldn’t get any cooler in the world of bastion, Valve stepped in.

If you have the Steam version of Bastion on PC and start a New Game+, a mysterious weapon known as the Gel Cannister will be added to the arsenal…

Rather awesome indeed.

Still not sold on Bastion? Why not check out the RipTen Review?!

Free Portal 2 DLC Arriving Next Month

Chris Carlson — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:30:10 +0000

Earlier this year Valve announced free DLC across all platforms for Portal 2. Speaking with Kotaku, the company stated the first downloadable content pack for Portal 2 will be released “mid-Septemeber”.

According to Valve‘s Doug Lombardi, “That’s still technically summer”. The download pack is said to offer new test chambers for players, leaderboards, challenge mode for single and multiplayer modes, and more.

Portal 2 Receives Permanent Price Drop On Steam

Chris Carlson — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 20:30:12 +0000

Are you missing out on the mindtwisting Aperture Science of Portal 2? Well, today is your lucky day as Portal 2 receives a permanent price drop on Steam!

Even though the game came out only a short few months ago, Valve has discounted their critically acclaimed hit sequel, Portal 2 to only $29.99. If you and a friend have been missing out, you can grab a special two pack with two copies of the game for only $54.98. No this isn’t a lie… but the cake still is.

Five O’Clock Fan Art: Portal Jack

Dylan Duarte — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 00:00:46 +0000

Hey, I like Mass Effect and Portal, so why the hell not? Jack certainly fits in an aesthetic sense. I like to imagine that these are the wacky antics that she was up to before she was thrown into space jail.

Five O’Clock Fan Art is perfect for wrapping up the work day. You don’t want to think anymore, you just want to look at awesome things. And there’s nothing more awesome than a well crafted piece of videogame fan art. If you don’t agree, what the hell are you doing at a gaming blog?

The crazy mastermind behind this piece is Axl99.

Geeked Out: Portal Earrings for Science!

Stephanie Gutowski — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 02:13:23 +0000

It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or girl; all Portal fans should be able to appreciate some of these earrings, especially ones as perfect as these. After a few hours of Etsy lurking, I stumbled upon SV Jewellery (Sugar and Vice Design) and their Portal creations. If you’re right in cash, a pair of these as studs will only set you back about $13. If earrings aren’t your thing, then grab a set of friendship necklaces. Or shun your friends and wear both of them at the same time, like a champ.

They’re reasonably priced– a pair of the earrings you see above will run you about $24 shipped all the way from the UK! Due to their understandable popularity, your order may be delayed while the fine folks at SV Jewellery crank these out. They’ll be worth the wait. Do it for science. Chel would. Probably.

All of the accessories are amazing. Check out their website for even more crafty things.

Portal Glory Hole Gets Porky (Video)

Danielle Cantrell — Wed, 25 May 2011 09:50:46 +0000

A new video has been released by TheWarpZone to capture their love of miniature Portals, glory holes, and punishment for perversion. Unlike the fine pranksters we previously showed off, we found some Portal 2 fans who prefer a bloodier prank. It’s really quite pleasant, and could be seen as a lesson: if you find a portal that’s just the right size… don’t stick anything of any importance into it. The end result will most likely not be what you were aiming for:

Porky’s. Still relevant in 2011. ^__^

Five O’Clock Fan Art: Portal 2 70′s Movie Poster

Dylan Duarte — Tue, 10 May 2011 00:00:20 +0000

Here’s a poster for the greatest 1970s movie that never was: Portal 2. Star Wars? Who gives half a wookie about Star Wars?

Well done, Tristan Reidford. It’s even going up at the Valve store!

Halo + Portal = Portal: Reach

Dave Oshry — Fri, 06 May 2011 01:56:59 +0000

Just when I thought I’d seen it all. Just when every mashup possible has been made, I see this:

That’s right, it’s Portal: Reach!
Now you’re thinking… with Teleportals

This awesomeness was made by x 7revorBlack x

Five O’Clock Fan Art: The Gentlemanly Escort Cube

Dylan Duarte — Thu, 05 May 2011 00:00:05 +0000

I desperately want to write something witty here, but I’m just too awestruck. This is the best thing I’ve seen in a long, long while.

Risachantag is my new hero.

Did You Know Nvidia and ATi Card Owners Can Get Free Games From Steam?

Dave Oshry — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 19:41:00 +0000

Well, you do now. If you own an Nvidia or ATi GPU (which you probably do) You can get four free games from Steam absolutely free. Better yet, Ati customers will also get up to 50% off on the rest of the Half-Life collection on Steam.

If you’re a Steam gamer, you probably already have these titles, but for those of you who don’t… they’re free!!

Portal: First Slice (Portal Demo)

Half Life 2: Deathmatch

Half Life 2: Loast Coast

Peggle Extreme <–Hell yeah!

Check out the Nvidia deal HERE

Check out the Ati deal HERE

Steam will automatically check your system for an ATi or Nvidia card, so don’t bother trying to cheat the system.

Getting HL:2 Deathmatch is also by far the easiest and cheapest way to mess around with Source mods.

This has been a public service announcement for those of you who need another excuse to use your PC this weekend. Ya know, because PSN is still down :-p

Is Portal 2 Valve’s Final Single Player Game?

Bryce Wilson — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 05:37:20 +0000

It would appear that Valve, pioneers of Half Life, Portal and Left 4 Dead, are dropping out of the single-player experience race, with Portal 2 rumored to be their last foray into single-player campaigns.

The news has alarmed a lot of PC gaming fans, with Valve being one of the platforms leading developers of recent times, and even more so after the release of Portal 2 and it’s subsequent 96% score on MetaCritic.

The source for this claim is none other than Geoff Keighley. Geoff recently helped release an Apple iPad application titled “The Final Hours of Portal 2″.

Keighley is quoted as saying “Portal 2 will probably be Valve’s last game with an isolated single-player experience”. He goes on to say this news was given to him directly by Gaben.

What do you think?

If you’re still strangely on the fence about Portal 2, check out the RipTen review by clicking here.

Source: [MCV] via [PCR Online]

Empty Those Wallets: Valve Store Updates With New Portal 2 Merch

Dave Ernst — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 20:16:29 +0000

Happy Portal Kombat Day!

In celebration of the release of Portal 2, Valve has updated their store with some new merchandise. If you can manage to stop playing Portal 2 for just a second, check out the new shirts, lithographs and a badass pint glass.

I can’t wait to get my Aperture Science glass so I can pour some Guinness into it!

Source: GameSwag

Portal Kombat!! (Live Action Video Awesomeness)

Dave Oshry — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 18:54:20 +0000

If I say Portal Kombat one more time today, I may explode. However, seeing as awesome shit like this keeps popping up all over the internet, I may have no choice.

Enjoy:

Is that Seth Rogen?

Both Portal 2 and Mortal Kombat are out today!? What are you waiting for!?

Mortal Kombat Contains A ‘Killer’ Portal Reference

Dave Oshry — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 17:51:18 +0000

Fatalities? Hah. Those are for kids! Babalities are what real men are into.

If you really want to humiliate your opponent, you turn him into a sniveling infant!!

Well, Noob Saibot’s babality may be the best of all, because this kid knows how to “Think With Portals”

Talk about PORTAL KOMBAT!!

Both Portal 2 and Mortal Kombat are out today!? What are you waiting for!?

Portal 2 – Trophy / Achievement Completion Guide

Ripten Staff — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 13:40:54 +0000

Portal 2 has opened a portal to the hearts of gamers across different platforms. Looking for cake? Maybe some potatoes? Use this Achievement/Trophy Guide to to advance your gamer score and discover the avatar awards!

Other RipTen Portal 2 Guides:

Portal 2 – Complete HD Walkthrough Guide

Bronze

Pit Boss (30G) – Show that pit who’s boss.
Preservation of Mass (20G) – Break the rules in Test Chamber 07. — Grab that Companion Cube and take it to the elevator while the emancipation grid is down! Do so and you’ll earn this Preservation of Mass Achievement.
Pturretdactyl (5G) – Use an Aerial Faith Plate to launch a turret.
No Hard Feelings (10G) – Save a turret from redemption. — will unlock the Turret Shirt Avatar Award (Xbox).
Schrodinger’s Catch (20G) – Catch a blue-painted box before it touches the ground. — Use the Repulsion Gel (blue paint) and makes objects bounce much higher.
Ship Overboard (10G) – Discover the missing experiment.
Final Transmission (20G) – Find the hidden signal in one of the Rat Man’s dens.
Good Listener (5G) – Take GLaDOS’ escape advice.
Scanned Alone (5G) – Stand in a defective turret detector.
The Part Where He Kills You (20G) – This is that part.
Bridge Over Troubling Water (10G) – Complete the first Hard Light Bridge test.
SaBOTour (10G) – Make a break for it.
Stalemate Associate (15G) – Press the button!
Wake Up Call (5G) – Survive the manual override. — Doing so to earn this “Wake Up Call” Achievement will unlock the Portal 2 Hat Avatar Award (Xbox).
You Monster (5G) – Reunite with GLaDOS.
Undiscouraged (10G) – Complete the first Thermal Discouragement Beam test.
White Out (15G) – Complete the first Conversion Gel test.
Tunnel of Funnel (15G) – Master the Excursion Funnel.
Dual Pit Experiment (15G) – Do the same test twice.
Tater Tote (15G) – Carry science forward.
Vertically Unchallenged (15G) – Master the Repulsion Gel.
Stranger Than Friction (15G) – Master the Propulsion Gel.
Air Show (20G) – Perform 2 aerial gestures before touching the ground in co-op.
Portal Conservation Society (20G) – Complete Chamber 3 in the Hard-Light Surfaces co-op course using only 5 total portal placements.
Empty Gesture (25G) – Drop your co-op partner in goo while they are gesturing by removing the bridge under them.
Party of Three (25G) – Find the hidden companion cube in co-op test chamber.
Asking For Trouble (10G) – Taunt GLaDOS in front of a camera in each of the five co-op courses.
Four Ring Circus (25G) – Enter 4 different portals without touching the ground in co-op.
Triple Crown (15G) – Solve 3 co-op chambers in the Mass and Velocity course in under 60 seconds each.
Still Alive (15G) – Complete Course 4 with neither you nor your co-op partner dying.
Can’t Touch This (10G) – Dance in front of a turret blocked by a hard light bridge in co-op.
Smash TV (75G) – Break 11 test chamber monitors.
High Five (5G) – Celebrate your cooperative calibration success.
Team Building (10G) – Complete all test chambers in the Team Building co-op course.
Door Prize (20G) – Examine all the vitrified test chamber doors.
Portrait of A Lady (10G) – Find a hidden portrait.
You Made Your Point (10G) – Refuse to solve the first test in Chapter 8.
Iron Grip (20G) – Never lose a cube in Chamber 6 of the Mass and Velocity co-op course.
Gesticul-8 (15G) – Perform all 8 gestures of your own volition in co-op.
Confidence Building (10G) – Complete all test chambers in the Mass and Velocity co-op course.
Bridge Building (15G) – Complete all test chambers in the Hard-Light Surfaces co-op course.
Obstacle Building (15G) – Complete all test chambers in the Excursion Funnels co-op course.

Silver

Friends List with Benefits (50G) – While playing co-op, hug 3 different people on your friends list. — This Achievement will also unlock the Portal 2 Love Avatar Award Shirt (Xbox)
Drop Box (20G) – Place a cube on a button without touching the cube. — Shoot a portal below the box and one above the button, therefore dropping the box onto the button without touching it!
Overclocker (30G) – Complete Test Chamber 10 in 70 seconds.
Rock Portal Scissors (20G) – Win 3 co-op games of rock-paper-scissors in a row.
Narbacular Drop (25G) – Place a portal under your co-op partner while they are gesturing.

Gold

Lunacy (20G) – That just happened.
Professional Portal (75G) – After completing co-op, complete Calibration Course online with a friend who hasn’t played before. — Make sure your friend doesn’t play online until they play with you. Complete the Calibration Course. Also unlocks the Portal 2 Cooperative Avatar Award Shirt (Xbox).
You Saved Science (100G) – Complete all test chambers in all courses of co-op.

Platinum

Platinum (PS3)- Achieve all trophies

- Videos courtesy of NomComms and synnarc