By RipTen Contributor Justin Carter

At some point, we’ve all wanted to be that bad ass character in a video game. After all, who wouldn’t want to perform death-defying stunts, kill people in exotic locations, and get the love interest at the end of it all? A few weeks ago we spelled it out for the Guys, tonight it’s ladies night!

1. Have an accent

The sexiest type of women in video games like Miranda Lawson and Lara Croft are such sex icons for gamers because of their lovely accents. Why listen to a plain old boring American accent when you can listen to a sexy British or Australian woman kicking ass and taking names?

2. Tolerate any dirty jokes that come your way – And there will be dirty jokes.

Just ignore how obviously perverted the guy is. Pretend that he’s not speaking in a high pitched voice and making disturbing sexual references. If you want to get anywhere in this industry, we all have to make sacrifices and yours will be your dignity and tolerance to not hit stupid people.  (men)

3. Have a severe allergy to clothing.

You can wear clothing for 2-5 minutes, but afterwards, we better see some skin other than your face and fingers, dammit! Get a sleeve torn, have a wild animal rip your pants to shreds; just lose some clothing. And don’t even think about changing clothes during loading screens, missy, because they’ll just get ripped to shreds, too.

4. Get some tig-ole bitties.

Yes, you read that right. This is actually the first thing (things) you’ll need before you consider being a female lead because otherwise, you’re screwed. After all, who doesn’t love the super curvy ladies like Tifa, Cammy, or any of the Dead or Alive Girls? Cs to Gs will get you the job quicker, and if they’re smaller than that, either stuff your bra, wear tight clothes that make them look twice as big, or rob a bank and use the money to get yourself an operation.  Or, if you’re covered on top…

5. Have a nice, finely sculpted rear.

If we’re gonna be staring at it for who knows how many hours, it may as well look nice. If you don’t know how it’s supposed to look, grab Mass Effect 2 or Halo: Reach, look at the butts of Miranda Lawson and Kat, and you’ll have a good idea of how it’s supposed to look.  However, if you’ve got a butterface and no chesticles worth pointing out, your bum (or lack thereof) will be the reason your sequel is being sold at Gamestop for $5 three weeks after release.

6. Unlockable costumes.

You will have every male gamer killing each other to buy your game.  The skimpier, the better.  Also, don’t make them too hard to unlock.  In fact – they should unlock everytime you get a win or make it to the next level . . . yeah.  Sold.

7. Prior to release, have some sexy models portray you at conventions.

Places like E3, the Comic Cons and TGS would be good places to start, since chances are there’ll be someone dressing up as you anyway. If it’s possible, get the model to wear the most form-fitting clothes you can find for her. Bonus points if you can get her to do some sexy posing.  Once you’ve got a real following – you may even want to branch out and get sexy at the GDC and CES – you know those suits will love it.

-

So, there you have it.  Follow these 7 easy steps and you’ll be well on your way to becoming the video game leading lady of your dreams!!

• Splatterhouse Jen Picture / Dr. West Gramophone Guide With All of Jen’s Photos (NSFW)
• Capcom Japan Promotes Dead Rising 2 with a Hot Girl in a Bikini (Video)
• The Witcher’s Triss Merigold Featured In Polish Playboy (NSFW)
• New Duke Nukem Forever Trailer Gets Some!!
• New Duke Nukem Forever Trailer Is All About Babes, Babes, Babes
• Bulletstorm – Skillshot and Value Guide (Includes Secret / Hidden)

We continue our countdown today with a succulent ass from a somewhat under-appreciated game. Most people may recognize this rear quite quickly if they happen to consider themselves fans of both videogames and hot chicks. Our number 3 pick appeared in Playboy, after all. Once again, please be aware that there may be some content in this article that would be considered ‘Not Safe For Work’.

Click images for a larger view.

#3 – Rayne (BloodRayne)

Rayne was the main character in BloodRayne and BloodRayne 2. As a Dhampir, she goes around killing and sucking on lots of Nazis, vampires, and Nazi vampires, and she does it all while wearing a sexy little outfit. Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a v-taper in the butt of those pants is a genius.

Oh yeah, and Rayne is so legitimately hot that she actually posed for Playboy magazine as part of a special feature about hot chicks in videogames. It’s totally NSFW and you’ve likely seen it before, but either way, here it is.

Not only is Rayne a sexy goth chick, but she gets added points for the simple fact that she is a certified ass-kicker. Never before has someone looked so fine while chopping some fools into little bits. Add to that the erotic blood sucking and Rayne is definitely intriguing me… in my pants.

Rayne also has something that a lot of other videogame chicks don’t have: some legitimately good cosplayers.

Back at E3 2006, the BloodRayne movie was being promoted, and I found a video of the casting process for a Rayne booth babe. While it essentially is just a bunch of girls in bikinis with their hair dyed red and generally poor acting skills, it may be worth a look.

Even though a majority of these girls weren’t that great, any one of them would likely have been a better choice for the actual shitfest that was the BloodRayne movie. I mean seriously, after looking at all these pics, does this look like Rayne to you?

At the very least, the sequel had a hotter chick as Rayne, though it still managed to be just as horrible of a movie.

Even though BloodRayne’s good name (and ass) were tarnished by a couple of really shitty movies, Rayne endures and manages to claw her way to number 3 on our countdown. There’s still hope that a new BloodRayne movie will get closer to capturing the hotness since there doesn’t seem to be a new game in the works, but either way, Rayne’s ass legacy remains strong in our hearts.

Itching to find out the top 2 picks? Check back tomorrow as we continue our countdown of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

Jump to #2: click here

• New BloodRayne: Betrayal Screens are Bloody-licious
• Five Juicy New Bloodrayne: Betrayal Screens
• RipTen’s Guide to Becoming a Typical Video Game Protagonist (For Ladies)
• Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames – #1
• Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames – Special Mentions
• Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames – #2