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The Witcher 2 – A Pre-Review To Die For

Dave Oshry — Mon, 16 May 2011 23:45:03 +0000

The time has almost come. The Witcher 2: Assassin’s of Kings is nearly upon us. As a horde of PC gamers cling tightly to their pre-order receipts, there are many of you who are still undecided. You call out to me, “Dave, give us more you son of a whore!” I tweet relentlessly, post hundreds upon hundreds of screens, discuss GPU optimization with you… but yet you want more!! You want information, you want gameplay, you want to know all that I know about the new adventures of Geralt of Rivia… and then some. You refuse to spend a fucking dime unless I spill all the details upon this page like so much barghest blood upon the blade of a Witcher’s silver sword.

Fair enough, here goes:

There will be no spoilers in this preview. Furthermore, any videos contained within this preview are optional, so don’t blame me if you can’t help but to watch them and wind up seeing something so mind blowing you’d wish I’d withheld it from you. Although the game is only a day away, CDProjekt has asked me to keep certain things from you, and I shall, because they’ve earned my respect, and I their trust. But enough of that. What do you wish to know? Where do I begin? How about at the beginning…

The prologue of the original Witcher was, for lack of better words, boring as all fucking hell. If I had to spend one more minute running back and forth amidst the Outskirts of Vizima, I’d likely not have made it any further than that. Luckily the game picked up wonderfully after that, but that’s of no consequence. A question I get asked a lot is, “Dave, do I have to have played the first game in order to enjoy or understand the sequel?” Luckily, the answer is no. Assassin’s of Kings does a wonderful job of catching you up on the details of the original game and then some. Better yet, for those of you who did play the original game, you will be able to import your final save (if you can find it) and the choices you made will carry over into your new adventures. Someone over at CDProjekt has clearly been playing some Mass Effect. They’ve also apparently been playing Alpha Protocol because many of the conversations in The Witcher 2 will force you to make quick, timed responses just as they did in Obsidian‘s flawed yet lovable creation.

It’s in conversations such as these that you will spend much of your time with during Assassin’s of Kings. If you’re not one for story and substance, turn away now, I’m sure there’s a BlOps server somewhere with your name on it. For those of you who like your story as rich as the finest chocolate in the Northern Kingdoms and your narrative as deep and wide as the birth canal of the most putrid wench in all of Flotsam… you’ve come to the right place.

Choose wisely during these conversations, for The Witcher 2 is a game about choice and consequence. The story and narrative will branch as you choose sides and turn tides, so be warned: there is no going back in The Witcher’s world, only forward toward an inevitable end. The translation and voice acting are first rate as well this time around, and it only helps to add polish to this Polish game. While the game is linear, Geralt’s path through it is anything but. I myself had to play through these few chapters multiple times to experience all of the available story options, and trust me when I say that based on your decisions in-game, the world around you will be radically different. If I had to compare the way the choice and consequence in the Witcher 2 works to any game that’s come before it, the only one that comes to mind is Deus Ex. In fact, it feels a lot like Deus Ex the more you take sides… and turn tides.

Maturity abounds in Assassin’s of Kings. The game world is bloody, violent, racist, sexist and vulgar. If that’s not your thing, I’d think you’d have run along by now. I assume it is your thing however since you’re still here and if a truly mature role playing game for a truly mature gamer is what you’re after, then once again look no further. I may as well start with… the love scenes. They’re marvelous. It’s not that they’re explicit, in fact they’re quite tasteful. It’s that someone over at CDP understands human emotion and has somehow, for once, managed to translate that into a video game properly. I could go on and on about this, but if you’re willing, I’d rather show you what I mean. In this love scene between Geralt and the magnificent sorceress Triss Merigold, you can learn everything about their relationship, even if you’d never known a thing about them before. That, my friends, is good storytelling. It’s also damn sexy (and NSFW)

What did I tell you? A love scene done right. After you’ve caught your breath, let’s continue on as we talk about the gameplay in Assassin’s of Kings.

Want Same Sex Love in Mass Effect 3? You Got It!

Justin Carter — Mon, 16 May 2011 18:37:22 +0000

Have you ever played Mass Effect 2 as a male and thought about giving Garrus or Thane some totally hetero love? Were you a lady and wanted to share a passionate kiss with Jack or Miranda? Well, look no further, people: Mass Effect 3 will have romantic options for both genders, regardless of the love interest!

Casey Hudson, Mass Effect 3′s executive producer, has revealed via Twitter that the game will support same-sex relationships. Bioware had previously dismissed the issue in earlier games, only to include it in both the Dragon Age games, so this comes as no surprise. With Shepard presumably facing his final hour with the Reapers coming to Earth, it seems like the right time to admit your secret crush on Garrus is more than normal for growing young space marines.

You gonna give the fairer sex a shot? Let us know!

BoneCraft – Coming Soon From The Makers of BoneTown

Dave Oshry — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 20:25:01 +0000

Hey all you perverted RipTen readers – don’t act like you’ve never heard of BoneTown. You know that open world adventure game that came out a while back? The game where you run around, do drugs and get laid? Yeah, that one. Well, now the sleazy bastards at DDub software are taking it to the next level. Get ready for BoneCraft.

She Can Raid My Instance Any Time . . .

RipTen was live at the 2011 Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas (jealous?) and we were pleasantly surprised to actually find some gaming news there!!

Here’s the official word:

“In BoneCraft, fantasy meets sci-fi in a way only D-Dub could do it. We have elf prostitutes, horny orcs, drunken space marines… These two genres have been done a million times, and we’re doing something new to them by making a version that’s adult and humorous,” says D-Dub CEO Hod.

Blizzard is Gong To Sue the Shit Outta These Guys . . .

See more at BoneCraft.net and be sure to check out BoneTown here – You know you want to. #Perverts

Look for BoneCraft sometime in 2011

Have Sex With Kinect (NSFW)

Aaron Alexander — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 23:02:53 +0000

The thing everyone thought would happen, has totally happened. Some sad, sad person has actually coded a Sex game around Microsoft’s Kinect device. Well it’s more of a tech demo in its current state, but rest assured – the developer of “fine” Sex simulators Thrixxx has shared its enthusiasm for the product:

“The Kinect Controller is astonishing new technology that allows users to experience cybersex like never before! It’s novel, sexy, social, age-spanning, crazy, and a rush to have virtual control at this level”

The video below shows a creepy identity-hidden man, who demonstrates the technology (and probably has a good time doing so). I bet you want to watch it, freak.

Source: Gamernode

Zombie Cow Sex Education Game Banned

Bryce Wilson — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 09:20:59 +0000

In a move that has possibly blocked the education of virgins the world over (Obviously a joke), Zombie Cow’s sex education title “Privates” has been banned from the Xbox LIVE Arcade. Set in a number of body parts, including genitals, was set to educate people about sexually transmitted diseases and other body related problems. Dan Marshall, from Zombie Games said:

Ultimately Microsoft advised that the game wouldn’t pass the Indie Games Peer Review process, purely due to its inherently sexual nature.

It’s always amusing to realise that we have a civilization built on the back of sexual intercourse and reproduction, yet any film or form of entertainment that includes references to said act is extremely taboo.

[Source: MCV]

Government Funds Anti-Sex Game

Brandon Fenty — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 04:19:36 +0000

So apparently because some university nerds aren’t getting any, they think that no one else in the world should be, either. That’s why the University of Central Florida has spent nearly a half million dollars on developing a game to help teenage girls resist peer pressure to have sex. The game doesn’t have a title yet, but is expected to be released in 2011.

The game puts players in a full body motion capture suit to increase the immersion into the game. Then they are presented with various social situations where boys try to get into their pants. The object is to resist the sexual advances. Professor Anne Norris of the University of Central Florida describes an interaction in the game like this: “A boy similar in age might approach the person playing the game and ask her to make out or there might be some sexual innuendo.”

Does anyone actually think before funding this garbage? I mean, no matter what you think about abstinence, this isn’t a good idea. Games don’t really affect real-life behavior. Halo doesn’t make me want to go on a mass murdering rampage, and study after study has failed to find conclusive evidence otherwise. The last thing that is going to change a teenage girls ideas on sex is a bunch of fake, pixelated guys asking her to do the nasty-or whatever it is kids are calling it these days. The thought that my tax dollars were spent on such an asinine idea is insulting. Just a thought: maybe the money should have been spent on using Sim City to teach politicians how to better budget money.

[Source: The Feed]

Parents Television Council Wants M-Rated Games Moved to The Top Shelves

Demi Adejuyigbe — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 02:43:38 +0000

It’s actually been a while since we’ve heard parents complain about video game violence and kids, and I’m shocked, really. Come on, parents- don’t you know your kids are playing Grand Theft Auto, then going out and smoking cocaine off of hookers and going all Breaking Bad behind your back? (Which, given the premise of Breaking Bad would be impossible to do.)

Oh, here comes the Parents Television Council to the rescue of today’s youth! According to the PTC, it’s a “Joe Camel move” to place violent, sexual, M-rated games alongside games that would be acceptable for our youth. Keep in mind that the PTC is the same group that wanted to fine retailers for selling games to underage kids without parental approval. (A double-edged sword with which I am acquainted; No, retailers shouldn’t sell to kids without parental approval, but parents should also be monitoring what their underage children are playing.)

Here’s my take on the situation: The PTC is right. I think that making M-rated games out of reach for children would make it a lot more difficult for kids to get their hands on “Killer 3: The Sexication”. However, they are forgetting a few things. First of all, there are kids under 17 that will easily be able to reach this. Hell, there are kids under 13 that will be easily able to reach this. Having a height requirement to pick up video games isn’t so much a deterrent as it is an inconvenience. Secondly, kids who can’t reach the top row wouldn’t be sold Grand Theft Auto anyway. Retailers can be dumb, but they’re not dumb enough to sell an M-rated game to the kid that can’t get his neck fully over the counter.

Three, in most non-electronic stores, video games are sold behind glass cases. Even if you want to grab a copy of “Sex Killer V” from the bottom of the shelf, you’ll need a supervisor to do it for you, and once the supervisor sees velcro shoes and a Power Rangers tee-shirt, he’s not going to grab it for your kid. Fourth, and absolutely my most important point- parents hold the ultimate responsibility when it comes to buying and supervising video games. It’s like the Supremacy Clause of life; if your kid wants to buy a video game, you should probably go with him, look at the box, and decide whether or not you want your kid to be playing the game. If you’re fine with it, that’s your call, and no one else can be blamed or rewarded for whatever occurs. If you’re not fine with it, don’t buy it- crisis averted. But don’t blame the retailers every time a wayward ten-year old gets their hands “Stabby the Foul-Mouthed Penis” for the Wii.

[Source: The Consumerist]

Several GameStops Selling Modern Warfare 2 Early, Activision Does Not Approve

Chad Lakkis — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:10:37 +0000

It has leaked on the web that several GameStop locations in the North East (Brooklyn NY, Philadelphia PA, Bowling Green Ohio) have been selling Modern Warfare 2 before its November 10th release date — as in today.

According to Mike Fahey over at Kotaku, at least one location claimed that they received specific permission from Activision to do so based on other retailers (like Best Buy, Wal-Mart, and even Mom n’ Pop shops) already breaking the release date in their district.

Another individual I spoke to said they purchased MW2 from a Brooklyn, NY GameStop and added that their uncle picked a copy up at a Philly location. Activision responded directly, releasing the following statement today:

“Activision has not given any retailer permission to sell Modern Warfare 2 prior to the Nov. 10 street date. The company fully supports the Nov.10 street date.”

I reached out to a hand full of managers at GameStop locations in Pennsylvania, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. All of them emphatically stated that they will be selling the game in accordance with Activision’s scheduled release date. In addition, I was told that employees working at locations caught breaking the release date are subject to immediate termination.

One GameStop manager added another layer to the convoluted “he said, she said” mess, accusing some individuals of flat out lying. His belief was that many of the leaked videos and images actually obtained from pirated copies of the game on torrent sites were being dishonestly attributed to GameStop broken release date sales a a means to garnish an envious reaction by those desperately seeking attention.

Update: Infinity Ward’s Creative Strategist, Robert Bowling, chimed in a few hours ago with the following tweet:

“ANY store selling #MW2 early is in violation of street date. There are no “special permissions”. That said, we won’t punish players for it.”

What do you think? Is this a case of GameStop greed or lying internet attention whores? Sound off in the comments section below.

Have Hot Group Sex in Fable II

Dan Landis — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:02:58 +0000

Why choose when you don’t have to?

After perusing the recently revealed Fable II achievement list, one of the many that really jumped out at me was The Swinger — 5 points if you “take part in a orgy, responsibly”. I’m assuming this means group sex while wearing a condom and remembering to feed your dog.

So is this better or worse than the casual sex you can partake in while playing GTA4, or does the fantasy setting make this more acceptable to watchgroups and legislative douchebags? Will we see any of the action or will it go all black-screeny like the original Fable? It’s situations like this that make me wonder what exactly it is that people find offensive and where the arbitrary line they draw on the moral spectrum is located. I’m sure we will find out shortly after a few parents catch their kids stealing condoms in Fable II when it releases this October.

You can check out the full list of Fable II Achievements at Xbox360Achievements.org.

Videogaming Burns More Calories than Sex, So Says Totally Retarded Women’s Magazine

Dan Landis — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 23:11:22 +0000

Color me surprised. According to women’s fitness magazine Oxygen (which I totally do not have a subscription to), playing videogames burns 50% more calories in a hour than “athletic” sex does. And that’s not including the Wii or Dance Dance Revolution — I’m talking just regular ol’ sitting-on-your-ass-tapping-buttons videogames.

The September issue of Oxygen has a special feature entitled “100 Ways to Burn 100 Calories”. Number 71 on the list says “Play some vids”. First, as a slap in a face to girl gamers everywhere, it says “Go over to your boyfriend’s house and get on his PlayStation 3″. That’s right, girls don’t play videogames. So stereotypical, Oxygen…

Anyways, Oxygen claims that forty minutes of gaming will cut 100 calories, scientifically backed by the British Medical Journal. According to number 55, “Wii the people”, Wii gamers burn an additional 40 percent more calories than other gamers. With some advanced calculus skills, I’ve determined that regular gaming burns 150 calories per hour, and Wii-ing burns 210 calories per hour.

So, how does this compare to sex? Oxygen’s number 81, “Get your freak on”, states that one full hour of “athletic” sex burns a mere 100 calories. That just seems inaccurate somehow. An hour on the Wii burns over twice as many calories per hour as having sex?

Just to put things into perspective, here’s a list of other things they claim burn 100 calories:

Playing Frisbee for 30 minutes
Drinking a gallon of water (in a day, not all at once)
Laughing for 20-30 minutes
Driving for 45 minutes
Gardening for 15 minutes
Walking a mile (which takes about 15 minutes)
Grocery shopping for 45 minutes
Playing Monopoly for an hour

Wait, what? What was that last one again? You burn the same number of calories banging for an hour as you do from playing freaking Monopoly!? Something is seriously wrong with these statistics. The only way this would make sense is if, since this is a women’s magazine, all of the test subjects in the sex study were just laying on their backs, holding their legs in the air and moaning “athletically”, and that was it.

Maybe I’m missing something here, but when I think of a woman having “athletic” sex, it seems like it would burn a lot more in a hour than playing Monopoly or Call of Duty 4. At least now we can claim we spend all day getting in shape, so tell your girlfriend to shut up already.

Don’t get your hopes up just yet. Turns out, Oxygen doesn’t know what the fuck it’s talking about. Playing videogames doesn’t burn any more calories per hour than just sitting, at least according to number 38 “Road rage”, which lists sitting at 100 calories in 40 minutes. But wait, driving takes 45 minutes to burn 100 calories, so why does it take an extra 5 minutes if you are actually doing slightly more than just sitting? Also, it takes a full 90 minutes of “movie-watching” to burn 100 calories even though, again, you are just sitting.

As you can clearly see, Oxygen’s “100 Ways to Burn 100 Calories” is really just a bunch of bullshit. This was even a collaboration by the Oxygen team, so it’s not like it’s just one writer that fucked up. Thanks for putting out a worthless magazine and making women think that you will help them get fit, and making me think that playing videogames was actually some form of exercise. Consider my subscription (that is totally not mine) canceled.

Spore Sex: The Beast With Two Backs

Andrew Podolsky — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 23:34:24 +0000

This is the video that marks the beginning of a new era in art:

Exotic, Erotic Spore Creatures.

Source: Gamevideos