Back in mid August, we reported that Take-Two had opened its boardroom doors to EA with the intent to jointly evaluate “strategic” *cough*buyout*cough* options.

It appears now that those talks have concluded and that the two sides could not see eye to eye — or more importantly, wallet to wallet.

Hit the jump for the full press release and some optimistic “the glass is half full” quotes from Take-Two execs.

Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. Announces Conclusion of Strategic Review Process

New York, NY – October 2, 2008 – Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. (NASDAQ:TTWO) announced today that it has completed its review of strategic alternatives for the Company.

Following detailed discussions with various interested parties over the last five months, Take-Two’s Board of Directors has determined that it is in the best interests of stockholders to conclude its review of strategic alternatives and to continue operating and building Take-Two as an independent company.

“Take-Two’s Board of Directors and management have a clear mandate from stockholders to maximize value,” said Strauss Zelnick, Chairman of the Board of Take-Two. “We are strongly positioned creatively, financially and competitively to benefit from the opportunities we see in the fastest growing segment of the entertainment industry. Our management and outstanding and talented employees have maintained an unwavering focus on our products and our business through this lengthy strategic review process and we are confident in our prospects. We remain focused on maximizing value for stockholders and are executing on our business strategies in a determined manner.”

Ben Feder, Chief Executive Officer of Take-Two added, “Take-Two’s recent performance demonstrates our potential to create value for the long term. We have delivered solid financial results and expanded our portfolio of leading titles, which includes the powerful Grand Theft Auto franchise, as well as 15 other wholly owned brands with sales of more than one million units each. Our strong cash position – with no debt and an undrawn $140 million credit facility – gives us the financial flexibility to continue to do what we do best: innovate and create the great games that our customers have come to expect.”

It’s been 17 months since Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton started to duke it out for the Democratic nomination, less than a month since the winner of that contest was settled, and four score and seven years since John McCain graduated from flight school, after learning how to ride a pterodactyl. It’s easy to get fatigued watching all this crap on cable news, but for a fun bit of counter-programming, we have this clever little strategy game, The Political Machine 2008.

At first glance this downloadable game looks a bit like Civilization, but on a scale of 41 weeks instead of 4,100 years. Also, instead of a whole world to explore, you are limited to the 50 United States (suck it, Guam!), and there is no “fog of war” obscuring your view of the nation. While there is no rolling blackness from your perspective, the nation’s voters are wallowing in ignorance, and it’s up to you to educate them with speeches, ads, and political trickery.

You play as a contemporary political contender, including some recent candidates and running mates, and can face off against historical figures in the campaign mode. Obama vs. Lincoln, for example, is a fun match-up because they both hail from Illinois, and Reagan is always a tough contender because he’s the only Republican with a steady shot at winning California.

If you’re any kind of fan of politics at all, have any sort of preference about political coverage in newspapers or TV, or have read any nonfiction book about the Bush Administration, you’ll undoubtedly get a huge kick out of the tactics in this game. You can hire smear merchants to pen vitriolic columns about your opponent, a fashion consultant to keep you looking spiffy, and a speechwriter to round out a few choice phrases.

The Political Machine is clever in its message—to succeed, candidates fly around from state to state constantly, delivering speeches on the same few inoffensive, noncontroversial topics, claiming bold stances on positions like “I’m for the environment” or “I’m against high gas prices”. It’s a little hard to get a read on the voters’ perception, as the polls mostly focus on individual states. But after a few campaigns you’ll get the hang of all the right things to say: just promise farm subsidies in Iowa and thump your chest about a strong military in Virginia.

The game lacks a bit of nuance, however. You can’t parse your positions down to the level of “meeting with enemies of America without preconditions but with preparation”. You can also slam your opponent and tell lies about their positions, regardless of where they actually stand. Like Twain said, a lie gets halfway around the world before the truth can get its boots on.

A couple of tweaks and improvements are also needed. It’d be better if more stats about your opponent’s position were available at hand. On election night, it’d be great to see the name of the state and some detailed information about why you won or lost. Also, on-the-ground operatives like The Heckler or the Wealthy Patron are pretty cool, but they don’t hold nearly the evil appeal of a real life Karl Rove. If I want to spread a whisper campaign about my opponent’s alleged illegitimate children, this game should let me.

If anything, the game’s not nasty enough. Politics can get pretty rough and tumble, but the worst you can do in this game is distort your opponent’s stance on the issues. You can’t leak photos of them wearing a turban, or run a few out-of-context clips on Youtube until their negative rating is so high that you win by default. You actually have to campaign on the issues, which we all know is completely unrealistic.

Even with a few minor flaws, the Political Machine is a reasonably priced and enjoyable experience, and it’s also a great way to blow off some of the steam that builds up from watching stupid bullshit on CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News. I can’t emphasize these points enough, because it says right there on my teleprompter to deliver these points with emphasis. And unlike my opponent, I for one am against higher gas prices, terrorists, and using the flag to wax your car. Thank you and God Bless America.

What does this score mean? Check out our review scoring breakdown.