Ripten Video Game Blog » The Watercooler

The Watercooler: Little Girl vs. The Crazy Pencil

Dan Landis — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 09:58:27 +0000

Warning: The Watercooler is the best thing you will see on the Internet today, mainly because it is the best thing I saw on the Internet yesterday. Be advised that these Watercooler stories are not necessarily videogame related (they usually won’t be), and are often silly, controversial, and/or not safe for work (NSFW). If this type of content frequently offends you, please be aware that I just warned you — if you still click through and get offended, it will be your own stupid fault. Otherwise, please continue…

Today’s Watercooler features one of the strangest videos I have ever seen. It creeps me out and kind of makes me feel naughty all at the same time. It’s weird. I really don’t know how to explain it, but there’s a girl, a giant pencil that writes in the sky, and some diabolical shenanigans.

You must watch.

Proof once again that you can never trust a pencil…

May I also just say “dubba-yoo tee eff”? And was that pencil checking out her ass at the 1:28 mark? Naughty, naughty pencil.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – The Year in Unnecessary Censorship

Dan Landis — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:04:09 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a nice send-off to 2008. Jimmy Kimmel reviews the year in all its filthiness, bleeping out the naughty words that people didn’t say but sounded like they could have. Watch it and you’ll see what I mean.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – I Can’t Defeat Air Man

Dan Landis — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:52:28 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a happy little music video about how difficult it is to beat Air Man in the various Mega Man games. To be honest, I don’t recall ever having that big of a problem with Air Man. Yellow Devil, on the other hand, that’s one bad mo-fo. Still, I can see how some people might be frustrated by Air Man and how much he sucks and blows (tur-hur!)

Watch it!

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – The Price WAS Actually Right

Dan Landis — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:04:59 +0000

The Watercooler is back after our vacation in the land of Hot Videogame Asses! I hope you didn’t mind.

Today’s Watercooler features an amazing occurrence on The Price is Right. I don’t want to ruin it, but stupid Drew Carey ruins it anyway by being so… douchey.

Yeah, what was up with that? The dude guesses exactly right, something that hasn’t happened in over 35 years, and Drew Carey’s not affected one bit. Don’t forget to have your Drew Carey spayed or neutered. It’s obvious he just doesn’t give a shit any more, so I think we should do him a favor a poo on his face. Yeah, I said poo on his face. I wish I looked more like Drew Carey so I could punch mirrors to feel better.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – The Worst Music Video EVER?

Dan Landis — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:02:46 +0000

Sorry for going up late today, but I was busy watching my Saturday morning cartoons. Anyhow, today’s Watercooler features quite possibly the worst music video in the history of bad music videos. Brought to my attention by my good friend Todd Michael Rogers, the terribleness of this video defies all logic. It is so bad that it goes from being hilariously bad back to being just regular old horrible.

Seriously, this is like a ‘what not to do’ amalgam of everything that’s been wrong with music videos over the past 30 years. It’s actually kind of amazing.

Kids these days…

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – This Dream Seems Strangely Familiar

Dan Landis — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 11:04:29 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a recorded call from a radio show in which the caller describes these “crazy dreams” he’s been having. For some strange reason, I feel like I’ve experienced this, too.

Thanks, Sam!

You’re welcome.

For anyone that doesn’t get it, shame on you. Go buy Fallout 3 right now and see what you’re missing.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Bruce Lee Ping Pong

Dan Landis — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 11:04:03 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features Bruce Lee playing ping-pong with his nunchucks. Yeah, you read that right.

You’re welcome.

So it turns out that it’s fairly fake (presumably) and is just a cool advertisement for a Bruce Lee-branded Nokia phone. I’m not entirely sure what all it says since it’s not in English, but I’m hoping the default ringtone is a Bruce Lee “whaaa-zaaaa!!!”

Whatever. It was still an awesome video.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Macy’s Parade Gets RickRolled

Dan Landis — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 11:04:19 +0000

Two in a row? It must be Christmas!

Today’s Watercooler features a RickRoll of epic proportions. Courtesy of the Cartoon Network, everyone watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade just got RickRolled, which is literally the biggest RickRoll in the history of RickRolling.

Check it.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Fallout 3 Wasteland Dancin’

Dan Landis — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 11:04:52 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a little dance compilation thrown together by some YouTuber using the various mods available for Fallout 3 — a perfect example of what you could do if you had the time and patience to mess around with stuff. This video was suggested by our own Sam Naylor, and it really is the best thing I saw on the Internet yesterday… and so far today. I don’t know why, but I got a huge boner about a third of the way into the video.

Looking back on it, I think there must be something really wrong with me.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Don’t Shoot the Puppy

Dan Landis — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 11:04:50 +0000

Did you miss it?

The Watercooler is back after a short hiatus. Maybe you didn’t even realize it was gone, and to that I would say “blow me”. Anyhow, today’s Watercooler features a little flash game entitled ‘Don’t Shoot the Puppy’. It is not as disgusting as you may think, and it’s certainly less disturbing than that PETA Thanksgiving game.

What is disturbing is just how difficult it ends up being to not shoot the puppy. It’s not some kind of emotionally troubled reason either — you don’t do it because you want to, it just kinda happens.

Test yourself!

Click the image to play the game.

Harder than you thought, huh?

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 22 November 2008

Dan Landis — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:04:18 +0000

Ever wonder what videogame characters have to talk about while they’re at work? Likely not videogames. With this daily Ripten feature, we plan to showcase something on the Internet that our digital friends may find interesting enough to talk about when they gather around The Watercooler.

Today’s Watercooler features some police dogs in training. I know what you may be thinking, and no, this was not suggested by Dylan Duarte. Other people are fascinated by dogs, too. In fact, this video was shown to me by my brother, who discovered it shortly after his wife said “Hey, look at this”. My favorite part is at the beginning where a dude gets dragged through the window of a van. Yeah.

You’re welcome.

Now of course we’re not condoning violence here, but it’s pretty surprising to see how much power these dogs have. I’d hate to see what would happen if the perpetrators were made of hotdogs.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 21 November 2008

Dan Landis — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:04:22 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features classic Captain James Tiberius Kirk watching the new trailer for the Star Trek remake that we had featured on a previous Watercooler (which you could watch if blip.tv ever starts working again). Seems like Kirk Classic dislikes New Kirk as much as I do, and I’m sure there’s a funny picture to be made about this sentence.

No, I’m Captain Kirk.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 20 November 2008

Dan Landis — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:04:20 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features an incredibly mundane yet surprising unsettling little video of some “woman” in a wedding dress. Thing is, she’s wearing a mask on her face… but the mask is just the face of a woman. So why does this still manage to creep me the fuck out?

Is that the Burger King guy’s wife, uh, the Burger Queen? Or is it one of his many illegitimate children (you know he’s a pimp)? Either way, I’m going to hunt this fake-faced thing down and make sure it never bothers anyone ever again… even though I just made it bother all of you. Oops.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Paint Out Your Ass Edition

Dan Landis — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:04:46 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a very perplexing ad for a product most of us are familiar with. Following the trend of the last few years in which commercials have absolutely nothing to do with the product they are advertising, this commercial features some nice fat dude shooting paint out of his ass.

That’s right. Paint out of his ass.

I usually say “You’re welcome” here, but I’m not sure if anyone’s thanking me on this one. Seriously, though, I’d like to here some suggestions on how this ad makes any kind of sense at all. The only thing I’m sure of is that Microsoft are some sick bastards and the Zune is apparently a painted piece of shit.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

UPDATE: According to some guy from YouTube, this video is “not officially sanctioned by Microsoft”. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.

The Watercooler – 18 November 2008

Dan Landis — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 11:04:13 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features proof that even if you don’t believe in karma, karma believes in you. I won’t ruin it by explaining it any further. Check it out.

I find it disturbing that those adults just stood around and let this happen, but I think the kid may have learned his lesson…

Yeah, probably not.

Image courtesy of sand&cotton, totally used without permission.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Star Trek Bootleg Edition

Dan Landis — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:04:45 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a shaky-cam, bootleg, cell phone video of the trailer for the Star Trek remake, and it is surprisingly pretty good quality. The trailer itself, though, actually looks… kinda lame. I mean, there is a certain amount of geeky lameness inherent in Star Trek to start with, but this specific Star Trek seems like an Aaron Spelling kind of corny. Kirk looks like a douche and Spock is fucking Sylar from Heroes… which actually ain’t that bad, really.

Oh, and there’s also about a second’s worth of half-naked hotness that almost made me forget how awful the rest of it was. Almost.

Okay, now I know your first question was either “what the fuck was that?” or “Dan, are you crazy?” I admit that it looks like it could be alright, but that Kirk-douche is like when George Clooney was Batman, and I just can’t get past his scroteface. Sorry, but I just can’t.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – The Watchmen Edition

Dan Landis — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 11:04:30 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a new trailer for the upcoming Watchmen movie, based on the somewhat controversial graphic novel (or comic, if you prefer) of the same name. If you haven’t read it, do that. If you don’t like reading, just watch this trailer. If you don’t like trailers, then… well, you suck. Watchmen is what Batman would be like if he gave even less of a fuck than he already does.

Who watches the Watchmen? Hopefully, I do. Trailers like this always seem to give me a huge boner.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 15 November 2008

Dan Landis — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 11:04:55 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features another heelarious political video. After watching yesterday’s Watercooler video, Dylan Duarte was reminded of some other presidential-themed video that needed to be featured on The Watercooler. I figured now is just as good of a time as any, especially because I would likely forget about it if I didn’t do it today.

Alright, so what’s it about then? Well, Obama decides to Rickroll McCain during a speech by taking over his backdrop and singing “Never Gonna Give You Up”… and surprisingly it doesn’t feature a dog. Yup.

I’ll give you one guess where this video was found.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 14 November 2008

Dan Landis — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 11:04:13 +0000

Warning: The Watercooler is the best thing you will see on the Internet today, mainly because it is the best thing I saw on the Internet yesterday. Be advised that The Watercooler is not necessarily videogame related (it usually won’t be), and is often silly, controversial, and/or not safe for work (NSFW). If this type of content frequently offends you, please be aware that I just warned you — if you still click through and get offended, it will be your own stupid fault. Otherwise, please continue…

Today’s Watercooler features a news report detailing the aftermath of the 2008 presidential election. The biggest problem? Obama zombies. You may have friends that are suffering just like this, and if so, you clearly need to get them help before something terrible happens to them.

I have no opinion.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Special James Bond Edition

Dan Landis — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:04:15 +0000

In honor of the upcoming 007 flick Quantum of Solace release this Friday, I’ve decided to feature a nice video mash-up as today’s Watercooler. I like mash-ups. Entitled ‘Quantum of Bonds’, this awesomely awesome trailer helps detail how Daniel Craig stole the role of Bond away from Pierce Brosnan… and eludes to the idea that Pierce may be coming back.

Only watch this if you’re sexy, and don’t ask how we can tell.

You’re welcome.

To check out more incredibly awesome mash-ups and various other cool shits, check out Black20.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 12 November 2008

Dan Landis — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:04:13 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a list I found on a website called McSweeney’s entitled “Fifty Years of Popular Songs Condensed into Single Sentences”. While I immediately guessed what these single sentences would be comprised of, I still found myself laughing at some of the more creative explanations further down the list. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

The end of this sentence will say “Read more…” in blue letters.

Told ya! Oh wait, now it’s gone. Anyway, here goes:

The Beatles, “I Want to Hold Your Hand”
I want to do it with you.
- – - -
Marvin Gaye, “Let’s Get It On”
I want to do it with you.
- – - -
Led Zeppelin, “Whole Lotta Love”
I want to do it with you.
- – - -
James Blunt, “You’re Beautiful”
I want to do it with you.
- – - -
Sir Mix-a-Lot, “Baby Got Back”
I want to do it.
- – - -
Elvis Presley, “Hound Dog”
You’re doing it with everyone.
- – - -
R. Kelly, “I Believe I Can Fly”
I believe I want to do it with you.
- – - -
Patsy Cline, “Crazy”
I want to do it with you so much I’m going fucking nuts.
- – - -
Frank Sinatra, “Strangers in the Night”
I’m drunk and I want to do it with you.
- – - -
The White Stripes, “My Doorbell”
Using metaphor, I want to do it with you.
- – - -
Little Richard, “Good Golly Miss Molly”
I’m doing it with Miss Molly, and she’s totally into it.
- – - -
Duran Duran, “Rio”
I’d love to do that chick dancing on the sand.
- – - -
The Beatles, “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?”
I’d like to do it with you right now.
- – - -
Carly Simon, “You’re So Vain”
We used to do it, but then you did it with someone else, and now I’m not going to do it with you, although I wish we were still doing it.
- – - -
Pulp, “Common People”
I once met a stuck-up European who wanted to do it with me.
- – - -
Radiohead, “Creep”
I’m filled with self-loathing, and, though outwardly I hate everything you represent, I want to do it with you.
- – - -
Kate Bush, “Wuthering Heights”
I’m an 18th-century fictional character and I want to do it with another 18th-century fictional character.
- – - -
Bob Dylan, “Blowin’ in the Wind”
The Man is currently doing it to you.
- – - -
Elvis Presley, “Jailhouse Rock”
Incarcerated men will on occasion do it with each other.
- – - -
Meat Loaf, “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)”
Hey! You won’t believe what this one chick said while I was doing it with her!
- – - -
Kings of Leon, “Sex on Fire”
I did it with you, and now it hurts when I pee.
- – - -
Céline Dion, “My Heart Will Go On”
Even your death has not stopped me wanting to do it with you.
- – - -
AC/DC, “You Shook Me All Night Long”
We did it yesterday.
- – - -

You’re welcome.

If you enjoyed that, you can head over to McSweeney’s and check out all the other crazy shit they post.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 11 November 2008

Dan Landis — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 11:04:37 +0000

Today’s Watercooler comes by way of suggestion by Jonathan Zungre. Unlike Dildawg’s apparent love for dogs (what else), Zungre Like The Wolf loves the wolves… err, robots. Specifically, large robots made out of styrofoam.

Alright, so he doesn’t have a huge crush on robots or anything, he just happened to suggest this video to me. If you find yourself curious what it would look like to time lapse the 6-day long building of a ’styrobot’, check out this freakin’ video, like, right now. If you aren’t impressed, however, remember to blame Jonathan Zungre.

Jonathan Zungre.

Jonathan Zungre says “you’re welcome”.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 10 November 2008

Dan Landis — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 11:04:27 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features another picture suggested by our own Dylan Duarte. You may remember his awesome dog picture from about a week ago, and this picture is, well, it’s another dog. He certainly seems to have a thing for dogs, right?

Check it.

I don’t know if this is humorous or delicious, but this pic makes me chuckle on the inside — I’m too manly to laugh for reals at this picture and show my wife and talk about how it’s cute and I want to eat that dog. Yes, too manly for that.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 09 November 2008

Dan Landis — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 11:04:53 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Remember when they had a live show and played hardcore death metal? Me neither, but it totally happened and I have proof. This is 100% real, and if you don’t believe it, well, then I guess you need to look up the definition of real.

Oh em jee. If the Ninja Turtles ever did go on tour with a soundtrack like this, I would totally paint my face and go see them. Or maybe I’d wear a mask… and bring eight of my friends… and have a ninja fight because they’re stealing our music. Yeah, that sounds right.

I also want to give a special shout out to Leonardo’s one-string guitar. Nothing rocks as hard as a single string.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Guilty as Hell Edition

Dan Landis — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 11:04:13 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a picture of a girl… a little girl… and a burning house. You would think that this girl is perhaps a neighbor or maybe even a former resident of this flaming building, and she should be visibly upset or scared or… anything other than the look she has on that evil little face of hers.

I think we all know she did it. Or maybe she just farted.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Show Me Your Genitals

Dan Landis — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:04:47 +0000

Today’s Watercooler goes out to the ladies. We have ourselves a little music video in which the ’singer’ expresses his desire to get in your pants. It’s actually quite touching. Even though it’s been seen, like, 6 million times, there is a chance that some people have not seen this yet — and they need to. Show the man some love and watch his video.

Would you believe that this was actually used in a commercial promoting the importance of routine gynecologist visits? I hope not, because that was a total lie. The video was actually the product of comedian Jon Lajoie. Look him up.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Michael Crichton Edition

Dan Landis — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 11:04:48 +0000

Today’s Watercooler comes with a heavy heart. Michael Crichton, writer of novels-cum-movies Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain, Rising Sun, and many others, passed away yesterday after a long, private battle with cancer. This video is in tribute to him: a shot-for-shot remake of the Jurassic Park trailer using only garage sale items.

We’ll miss you, Mike.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – Special Presidential Election Edition

Dan Landis — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 11:04:56 +0000

Today’s Watercooler is about the new president. As you may have heard by now, Barack Obama has officially won the race to the White House. I thought this would be a great time to look at how he got there, Rocky II style.

Check it.

You’re welcome.

I’m going to take this opportunity to not voice my opinion on political matters since I’ve been told I’m not allowed to have an opinion. You all will have to form opinions for me.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 04 November 2008

Dan Landis — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 11:04:19 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features something from an old-timey variety show, the first one that David Hasselhoff was a judge on, I believe. While it may start off as just two people dancing, it becomes significantly more ridiculous as the show goes on. It’s inexplicable, other than to say it is a retarded black Bruce Lee swinging mouth chairs and broadway dancing. Yes, really.

Words cannot describe… but I must point out the awesome nerd grunt at mark 1:21.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.

The Watercooler – 03 November 2008

Dan Landis — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 11:04:15 +0000

Today’s Watercooler features a picture that is either incredibly disturbing or maybe hilariously creepy, all depending on your point of view. It may also be “You’re a dick for laughing at the way people look”, but the people that would think that are just silly.

I’m sure a few of you have seen this picture before, but I’m also pretty sure that it doesn’t matter and you want to see it again anyway… except with our watermark on it this time.

Do it.

Seriously, what the fuck is that? I am of the impression that this would have to be the orphaned love child of The Joker and The Penguin, or perhaps they are actually brothers and this is their mom. Maybe she’s just doing Joker Penguin’s mom cosplay? Regardless, it creeps me the fuck out and makes me scared to go pee-pee at night.

You’re welcome.

Think you have something that could be Watercooler material? Send it to dlandis@ripten.com. If your submission gets featured, you will win a prize package full of pride and accomplishment.