Well, this is it. We’ve counted down the best asses in videogames, and I’m guessing nobody recognizes our number one. I’m sure this choice will be much debated, but there is some fairly sound logic why this gets our top choice for the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

#1 – The Party Girls (Hitman series)

Yes, the chicks from the Hitman games, specifically all of the party levels. From the snow bunnies to the BDSM leather-clad freaks, the girls at the various parties in the Hitman games do a good job of pleasing most uniform fetishes out there. There’s no schoolgirl party yet, but I’m sure that’s coming. Just check out the in-game action at the Christmas party:

…and the Meat King’s party:

… and the Heaven and Hell party:

In addition to the fact that these polygonal posteriors are round and perky, the idea that you are surrounded by them makes it all the better. After all, a room full of nice asses is generally better than just one nice ass. Can I get an amen?

Sure, these are just random, nameless characters with relatively little impact in the game, but that doesn’t mean their asses don’t deserve a little credit. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere. Any of you ladies remember Brad Pitt’s first movie?

Let’s also not forget the hotness of Olga Kurylenko who played what’s-her-name in the Hitman movie. I’m not sure if that really counts as the same thing, but since we are just talking about “Hitman girls”, I guess it fits. And hey, it’s my list so I can do what I want. Plus, we can say she is a videogame girl because the only U.S. movies she’s been in so far were Hitman, Max Payne, and Quantum of Solace — all of which were videogames.

The only thing that really made this a tough choice was the fact that these characters are mostly all unnamed background characters. This posed a problem because, unlike characters that are actually “famous”, they have no fans and thus no fan art. Agent 47 himself has thousands of pics, but his supporting cast is just not important to anyone. At the very least I found this promotional piece:

But there it is. I’m sure people were expecting a more famous character — we don’t see no-names topping People’s Sexiest lists, do we — but I think these asses deserve it. Sure, there are lots of videogame characters that have great butts, but I’ve never spent as much time in any other game just looking at the chicks instead of playing the game.

That’s sad, I know, but for whatever reason, the girls in the Hitman games somehow manage to mesmerize me with their booties, and they somehow pop up as the first thought when someone mentions asses in videogames. These are like the super hot chicks you see in music videos that you have no idea who they are but you just fall in love with them anyway, and that’s how they managed to top our list of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

Before we get to our top pick, we thought it might be nice to share with you all of the asses that were considered for this list. Of course, some of these are pretty fine posteriors that you may think are more deserving of Top 10 status than the ones we actually chose, but let me tell you — it was a difficult process, much more difficult than I expected it to be.

‘Not Safe For Work’ content inbound.

Honorable Mentions – The Mass Effect chicks

Even though they were in armor most of the time, the girls from Mass Effect had some pretty nice asses. Fan favorite Tali was unfortunately not one of your choices when it came down to which chick you want to get it on with, something the Internet has mocked us about (slightly NSFW).

Speaking of getting it on, the sex scene is Mass Effect is actually a bit different depending on which girl you choose. Liara (the blue chick) has a longer, more revealing cutscene, and we’ve provided that for you here:

Yes, that was a nice ass, Liara, and we thank you. Even so, it just wasn’t great enough to make the top 10.

The Soul Calibur chicks

The girls of the Soul Calibur games are always making their way into these lists, usually because of their huge knockers. For this list, however, those knockers do nothing to help them in their ranking. Everyone has their individual preference, and you can argue in the comments if you want.

A lot of dudes think Ivy’s the hottest thing in the gaming world, but just because she has more of it and ain’t afraid to show it doesn’t mean it’s actually all that great. Taki also scores points just because her outfit is painted on, and the innocence of Sophitia’s white undies makes her another favorite. Seriously, how could you choose just one? Simple — you don’t. That’s a life lesson right there. When it comes to asses, however, the Soul Calibur chicks just weren’t tight enough to make the top 10.

The Final Fantasy chicks

Specifically, Yuna and Rikku from Final Fantasy X and X-2, and even better are Fran and Ashe from Final Fantasy XII. I’m actually a pretty big fan of Fran’s booty, but I couldn’t find a decent picture or video of her ass anywhere. It wouldn’t be much of post without all of the awesome pictures to go with it, so I decided to put the one nice pic in with the other Final Fantasy chicks as an honorable mention. Sorry, Fran!

Nova (StarCraft Ghost)

Let’s face it: as great as Nova’s ass looks in this picture, she technically doesn’t exist yet in the world of videogames because StarCraft Ghost has never been released. Being that it’s on-hold “indefinitely”, it would be unfair to put her in the top 10 and have her game never come out or have it release with a less beautiful ass than the one we see here. Sorry, Nova, maybe next year.

Other Considerations

As much as I would like to put a description of every ass considered along with an explanation of why they didn’t make it, I’m sure that in the grand scheme of things you really don’t care. What you want is pictures of hot videogame-related chicks’ asses. Understandable. Here are a bunch of butts that I’ve seen recently that were at one point in the running for the Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames (click to enlarge):

Dishonorable Mentions – Shahdee (Prince of Persia: Warrior Within)

You actually may be somewhat surprised to see such a nice ass as a dishonorable mention, but there’s good reason for it. When Shahdee initially walks out, you are first greeted to this lovely shot of her good side. Unfortunately, this is followed up shortly thereafter by the reveal that she is actually Leon Kennedy circa Resident Evil 2. This is the kind of girl that begs you to cut off her head. What? Oh, alright, you can just put a bag over it.

Video proof:

While she would never make a ‘Hottest Chicks’ list, Shahdee definitely has what it takes to make a list about round rear ends, even though she’s on the bad side of it.

The Dead or Alive chicks

Let’s face it: everyone seems to think that the pretend innocent sluts of the Dead or Alive series of games are hot. I, too, once fell victim to their charms, but careful study has lead me to the truth — they don’t really have nice asses.

Team Ninja seem to be a bunch of boob men, or maybe they think that most other men are boob men. Either way, the DOA chicks all have huge floppy racks and a decent set of hips, but take a nice, hard look at those asses and what you’ll see is a boxy, flat, boring hunk of booty. Need visual proof?

Sorry I had to do that to you. It’s a difficult truth, I know.

The Rumble Roses chicks (Rumble Roses XX)

Okay, the Rumble Roses chicks have big fat asses. There are lots of people that like big fat asses, but I’m not one of them. Sorry, Rumble Roses girls, but your asses are too fat for this list. I’ll put up one more pic for the people that are into it, just to be a good sport.

Wow, after all of that, who’s left? What ass could possibly be at the number one spot? I know you’re curious, so check back tomorrow for the best booty of them all as we finish off our countdown of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

We continue our countdown today with this hot little number. Known for showing off as much ass as she kicks, our number 2 pick is the kind of booty that makes the world a better place. Some ‘Not Safe For Work’ content may be ahead, so brace yourself.

Click images for a larger view.

#2 – Cammy White (Street Fighter series)

Did anyone doubt we would see Cammy on this list? As one of the few female characters from the Street Fighter series, Cammy is arguably the hottest… or at least has the nicest ass. I’m not sure what makes her think that outfit is good for fighting in, but I’m not entirely sure what the rules are in Street Fighter either. Realistically, it’s not much worse than a lot of outfits in women’s sports. Either way, we approve.

Yes, that was a lot of Cammy ass pictures. They are surprisingly easy to find, which speaks volumes to the impact her butt has had on the gaming world. In all of my “research” so far, Cammy’s booty seems to be the most celebrated in terms of the sheer number of ass pictures out there. People just really, really love that ass and for good reason, though I did discover that Cammy’s ass actually belongs to M. Bison (NSFW). The hardest thing to find, actually, was pictures of Cammy from the actual games.

I did manage to find this video here of Cammy kicking some in-game ass:

And here’s a slideshow with a ton more Cammy pictures since it’s easier than uploading them all:

One of the greatest contributions Cammy has made to the world is her imitation in the form of cosplay. Dressing as Cammy essentially means wearing a one-piece and nothing else (maybe a hat), which can be a great thing or a rather horrible thing when you are surrounded by Cammys at a convention.

Here also is a bunch of Cammy cosplayers from around the world — some great, some… not so much.

Cammy was also played by Kylie Minogue in the laughably bad Street Fighter movie. Don’t know who Kylie Minogue is? You should. Here, become more informed through the power of this link.

I think we’ve made a pretty good case for why Cammy’s ass deserves to be so high on this list, but if not… well, make your own list then, you ungrateful jerk! Still curious who that number one spot will belong to? Well, you’ll just have to wait and find out as our countdown of the Nicest Asses in Videogames continues tomorrow.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

We continue our countdown today with a succulent ass from a somewhat under-appreciated game. Most people may recognize this rear quite quickly if they happen to consider themselves fans of both videogames and hot chicks. Our number 3 pick appeared in Playboy, after all. Once again, please be aware that there may be some content in this article that would be considered ‘Not Safe For Work’.

Click images for a larger view.

#3 – Rayne (BloodRayne)

Rayne was the main character in BloodRayne and BloodRayne 2. As a Dhampir, she goes around killing and sucking on lots of Nazis, vampires, and Nazi vampires, and she does it all while wearing a sexy little outfit. Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a v-taper in the butt of those pants is a genius.

Oh yeah, and Rayne is so legitimately hot that she actually posed for Playboy magazine as part of a special feature about hot chicks in videogames. It’s totally NSFW and you’ve likely seen it before, but either way, here it is.

Not only is Rayne a sexy goth chick, but she gets added points for the simple fact that she is a certified ass-kicker. Never before has someone looked so fine while chopping some fools into little bits. Add to that the erotic blood sucking and Rayne is definitely intriguing me… in my pants.

Rayne also has something that a lot of other videogame chicks don’t have: some legitimately good cosplayers.

Back at E3 2006, the BloodRayne movie was being promoted, and I found a video of the casting process for a Rayne booth babe. While it essentially is just a bunch of girls in bikinis with their hair dyed red and generally poor acting skills, it may be worth a look.

Even though a majority of these girls weren’t that great, any one of them would likely have been a better choice for the actual shitfest that was the BloodRayne movie. I mean seriously, after looking at all these pics, does this look like Rayne to you?

At the very least, the sequel had a hotter chick as Rayne, though it still managed to be just as horrible of a movie.

Even though BloodRayne’s good name (and ass) were tarnished by a couple of really shitty movies, Rayne endures and manages to claw her way to number 3 on our countdown. There’s still hope that a new BloodRayne movie will get closer to capturing the hotness since there doesn’t seem to be a new game in the works, but either way, Rayne’s ass legacy remains strong in our hearts.

Itching to find out the top 2 picks? Check back tomorrow as we continue our countdown of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

Some of you may recognize that ass instantly. Others, well, it’s not that obvious. It’s one of those things that gets lost in the mix because the game is being talked about so much that the simple fact that it has great asses in it doesn’t get a lot of attention. We need to change that, and that’s why it’s our number 4 pick. Like all entries on this list, there may be some content that some would consider ‘Not Safe for Work’.

Click images for a larger view.

#4 – Everyone (Metal Gear Solid 4)

More like Metal Rear Solid: Buns of the Patriots. Okay, so not everyone in the game is rocking a perky posterior, but Snake, Raiden, all four of the chicks from the ‘Beauty and the Beast’ unit, Meryl, etc. all have great asses. Actually, the characters whose asses you never see are probably still pretty great, you’d just never know about it.

At this point, the whole “they’re just fake” argument for why videogame characters shouldn’t actually be able to turn you on, well, it goes out the window. Why? Because all four of the Beauty and the Beast chicks are actually modeled after real beauties. Why then would it be weird to be attracted to a 3D render of a real-life babe? Answer: it wouldn’t.

Let’s see these asses in action, shall we? The first two and a half minutes is some photoshoot thing with them singing and dancing, but then it’s all in-game stuff after that.

There’s also this “interesting” interview with Lyndall Jarvis, the model/actress who plays Laughing Octopus in the game. And yes, even though she’s in her underwear, it is an actual interview about MGS4.

Even though the booties from MGS4 made it to number 4 on our list, previous entries in the Metal Gear Solid series have featured some pretty nice asses as well. I’m sure most gamers have fond memories of catching Meryl changing in the first MGS, and let’s not forget the hotness of Sniper Wolf either. Oh, and one more thing: Eva. Let’s take a video stroll down memory lane:

Most cosplayers seem to like the classics as well.

NSFW: Catching Meryl in the bathroom somewhat set the voyeuristic tone of a lot of fan art… or maybe people just like to draw naked chicks. Here we see Meryl in her famous scene (and another pic where her ass ain’t so huge), and here we have Sniper Wolf done in a classic Metal Gear artwork style (notice the Kojima panties). And just for you ladies, Solid Snake and Raiden go topless, too.

To be honest, some of the previous entries have been better on a direct ass-to-ass comparison, but the combined might of several nice asses in one game catapult the butts of Metal Gear Solid 4 up the list to our number 4 spot. How could it get any better? Well, there’s 3 more to go, so don’t forget to check back tomorrow for the next on our list of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

We continue our countdown today with a slightly lesser-known ass in the world of videogames. After today, however, I hope more people will appreciate the genius of a game containing a booty like this. Like all entries on this list, there may be some content that some would consider ‘Not Safe for Work’.

Click images for a larger view.

#5 – Vanessa Z. Schneider (P.N.03)

Vanessa was the main character in P.N.03, an ill-fated GameCube game that sold a mere 20,000 copies or so. That’s not really all that sad because the game was kinda just blah. The one saving grace was that Vanessa had a sweet ass and at no point in the game did she ever stop shaking it.

Vanessa attacks her opponents by dancing hypnotically in skin-tight outfits and using the concentrated hotness to fire beams of eroticism that make her foes have brain aneurysms. That, or she just has Parkinson’s and shoots regular lasers. Want to see what these attacks looks like? Here:

Yes, that is an attack. I don’t completely understand what’s going on in this game, but I honestly don’t care. The point is that someone thought it was a good idea to put a hot chick in a game and didn’t pretend like she wasn’t there for eye candy — they embraced that fact and even emphasized it. These are smart people!

To truly understand this ass, however, you must see it in motion. Okay.

Here we also have the ending to the game in which (SPOILER) Vanessa finds out she is a clone of Rob Schneider’s mom. This prompts her to kill herself, then she dances.

While some may argue that Samus’ ass was similar, or even slightly better, the difference here is that Samus hides hers under a suit of armor while Vanessa’s looks awesome even in her armor. She also has no problem shaking it for us, and that’s definitely something I can get behind (tee hee!).

Be sure to check back with us tomorrow to see who makes it to number 4 as we continue our countdown of the Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

We continue our countdown today with another fairly famous ass in the world of videogames. Any ideas? Well, it wouldn’t surprise me if you didn’t instantly recognize it as the girl in question usually covers it up. Not here, though. Read on to see our number 6 pick, but remember: some content may be considered ‘Not Safe For Work’.

Click images for a larger view.

#6 – Samus Aran (Metroid)

Metroid surprised the gaming world way back in the heyday of the NES by revealing that beneath all the armor, Samus is all woman. Break through that hard exterior and you’ll find a beautiful person inside — kind of like a metaphor for… something. Nintendo is teaching us that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, especially if what’s on the inside is a hot babe.

Check out that ass!

Surprisingly, Nintendo has actually sexed up Samus in recent years, going so far as to feature her in her painted-on Zero Suit in games like Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Of course, some people out there have different ideas for what the ‘Zero Suit’ really means, and it’s relatively easy to find pictures of a naked Samus. I honestly don’t feel the need to even link to them because the Zero Suit is practically already a naked Samus, she’s just blue.

I’m going to just stop there a give you this nice collection of pictures:

Curious what some Samus cosplay would look like? We’ve seen Samus in her armor before, but I found a pretty nice Zero Suit pic as well:

Funny thing is, Samus can be found in SSBB with her male ass counterpart, Solid Snake. Anyone who’s seen Metal Gear Solid 4 in action knows that Snake has some tight glutes, and pretty much any of these pictures could be him if you paste his face on there and get rid of the boobs. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t bring myself to type “Solid Snake’s ass” into google, but I found a humorous little sexcapade with Snake and the girls from Smash Bros.

I think we’ve proven beyond any doubt that Samus, despite her unwillingness to show it off in the past, has a sweet ass. Okay, she’s being practical and actually wearing a full protective suit to fight aliens, but that’s not gonna land her a boyfriend. Strangely, though, I’ve seen more pics than I care to have seen of an incredibly pregnant Samus, so I don’t know what that’s about. Maybe Samus is more of a freak than I thought…

Anyway, don’t forget to check back tomorrow to find out the number 5 pick on our Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames countdown.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

I’m guessing that most of you have no clue where this booty came from. As you may be able to tell, those are pixels in the picture — that’s right, this ass is old school! Check out who made her way to number 7 on our Top 10 Nicest Asses countdown. As always, please be aware that some of the content may be ‘Not Safe For Work’.

Click images to enlarge.

#7 – The Dark Queen (Battletoads)

Who? Since a lot of you probably don’t recognize her or have ever played the games, let me enlighten you. The Dark Queen was your nemesis in Battletoads, one of the best games developed by Rare. The original Battletoads was on the NES, with a few sequels on the NES and SNES, and the Dark Queen was generally the final boss in all of the games with the exception of Super Battletoads.

What’s so special about the Dark Queens booty? Well, there’s definitely a nostalgia factor working in her favor here, but she’s also incredibly sexy considering she was only 8-bit, 16-bit at most. The Dark Queen was actually the first non-real vision of the female form that gave me a boner. Yes, I just admitted that an 8-bit clump of pixels sexually aroused me — screw you for judging me!

Unfortunately for all of you who never played the game, it is incredibly hard to find any pictures of her on the interwebs to prove her hotness. I did find this artwork, though:

In addition to that, there are also some people (or at least one person) that have mistakingly labeled these very NSFW pictures of Veronica Zemanova as some Dark Queen cosplay. While I can certainly see it, I don’t really know if it would be accurate to say it’s cosplay simply because she looks just like the Dark Queen. Not that cosplay is something she wouldn’t do — there is actually an hour-long photoshoot video of Veronica dressed as Wonder Woman (which is also quite unsafe for work, but you can watch about 18 minutes of it before she starts taking any clothes off).

I also found this gameplay vid from Battletoads & Double Dragon, which consists of the final boss fight with the Dark Queen. For some strange reason, nobody has uploaded the cutscenes anywhere that I’ve found, which are probably the best part. What a shame…

Satisfied? While a good number of people (i.e. kids) will still not understand or agree with the Dark Queen being on this list, anyone that grew up with the NES playing games like Battletoads should surely appreciate the throwback to one of the original hotties of the digital screen. She’s got crazy curves, a ridiculously huge yet still somehow sexy hairdo, and an outfit that screams “naughty”. Despite her lack of polygons, the Dark Queen deserves her spot on this list. I only wish I could delight you with more proof.

Don’t forget to check back tomorrow to find out the number 6 pick on our Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames countdown. Things are just starting to get interesting…

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

Recognize that rear? You should. One of the most famous behinds in all of gaming makes its way to the number 8 spot of our Top 10 Nicest Asses countdown . Of course you aren’t satisfied with that little picture and need more visual proof, and we humbly oblige. Again, please note that there may be some NSFW content included.

Click images to enlarge.

#8 – Lara Croft (Tomb Raider series)

Seriously, is this a surprise to anyone? Maybe the fact that the most famous female in all of videogames is way down at number 8 is a surprise, but I think everyone kinda expected to see her on this list.

So what’s so great about Lara’s lower lumps? Well, for one thing she’s gone through a slight change with every iteration of the Tomb Raider games. At some point, there has likely been a Lara Croft model that you would totally bone. Even if her ass hasn’t met your standards yet, there’s hope that it will get bigger/smaller/rounder/flatter in the future.

Even if the “official” Lara Croft doesn’t do it for you, there are downloadable skins for the PC version like the infamous Nude Patch. Even further than that, however, you have fan art and the very, very, very NSFW content of sites like LaraCroftNude. It’s bound to happen with any pop culture icon, but Lara Croft has an entire pay site dedicated to Tomb Raider porn. That’s big time.

Additionally, Lara Croft has been portrayed by a slew of real life hot chicks. This alone makes “Lara Croft” a far-fetched yet possible sexual encounter — there are dudes out there that have actually boned Lara Croft. Think about that.

Looking at this picture, you may be drawn (as I was) to the Lara on the far right. This is model Karima Adebibe, and she has by far been the best Lara Croft to date. Need more pics?

Alison Carroll has recently taken on the role of Lara Croft. While she may actually have the gymnastics skill to pull off Lara’s fancy acrobatics, I still don’t think she beats Karima where it really counts: hotness. Alison Carroll is still pretty hot, though, and you can check out her gallery here.

And just for added eye candy, here’s a video of Lara hopping around in a white dress:

…and here’s a video of her in a bunch of different bathing suits:

I think we’ve proven why Lara deserves on this list (as if there was much doubt). Don’t forget to check back in tomorrow to see our number 7 pick for the Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames.

Oh, and here’s one more pic for good measure:

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

We continue our countdown of the Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames today with our number 9 pick. Recognize that rear? Like all the entries in this list, please be aware that there may be some NSFW content inside.

Click images to enlarge.

#9 – Alex Vance (Half-Life 2)

Alyx Vance is your friend and guide through the story of Half-Life 2. Even though she’s a cool, down-to-earth, approachable kind of girl next door, none of that really helps her ass look any better so it doesn’t count (for this list, anyway). What does count is the sporty, spunky attitude that has her running and climbing on all sorts of things and giving those buns a nice workout.

Because of the storytelling focus and first-person shooteriness of Half-Life 2, you basically are Gordan Freeman and Alyx is talking to you. In some kind of eerie way, when she flirts with Gordan she is actually flirting with you. This is the videogame equivalent of POV porn, with the sole exception being that there’s no sex involved. I guess in that sense, Half-Life 2 is really nothing like POV porn. Hmm…

But wait a second — Half-Life 2 has an incredibly versatile modding tool available called ‘Garry’s Mod’. Not only can you use the tool to, you know, make cool shit, but you can also use it to place people in suggestive positions, make them hump each other, and even change the character models to naked versions. Thanks, Garry!

Alyx also fills the multi-ethnic desires of a lot of dudes. She is so exotic, in fact, that she has no choice but to make out with herself, and she has no problem getting dirty. Completely understandable. Using Garry’s Mod and some downloadable skins, you can actually do some very naughty things with Alyx (and that link is so NSFW it’s ridiculous).

Now I found a nice little video of Alyx’s booty shaking, which was actually a lot more difficult than you might think. There are tons of videos to sort through, most of them being junk, but occasionally you may find what you are looking for. This video is terrible in so many ways — I don’t know why the guy decided to put such a retarded expression on Alyx’s face (or why he showed anyone else in the video, for that matter), but you can get some nice views of her backside and that’s the whole point.

Might want to skip the first 45 seconds or so unless you’re a Sir Mix-a-lot fan.

I think our point has been made again, and I don’t think anyone can deny that Alyx deserves a spot on this list.  While she may not be all sci-fi swimsuit like Cortana, she has the slight advantage of being real… at least in the context of the games.

Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for the next hottest heinie on Ripten’s Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1

Far too often we’ve seen top ten lists about boobies, yet nobody seems to have taken the time to appreciate what’s really important about women — their hearts. Of course by hearts, I’m talking about the shape of their sweet, sweet asses. What, you thought I was actually going to be a gentleman and care about anything other than looks? Get real (that’s a joke, kids — respect your mother).

Anyhow, the point is that there are plenty of men (and women) in this world who would consider themselves fans of the bottom half. Men are actually very evenly divided between boob lovers and ass lovers, and we need to try to counterbalance all these titty lists with a list about butts.

We will be counting down the best heinies over the next several days, some of which may surprise you, but all of them are sure to please. So without further ado, I give you Ripten’s Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames! No, wait — here’s some more ado: many of these images are NSFW, so make sure you know who’s around before you start fapping.

Click images to enlarge.

#10 – Cortana (Halo 2 and 3)

Okay, let’s get a few things out of the way first. Some of you will argue that Cortana shouldn’t really count because she’s not real, she’s just a hologram. While that may be true, none of the videogame babes on this list are “real” so it’s almost hypocritical to exclude her for that reason. Within the context of the game, though, Cortana is actually modeled after her creator, Dr. Halsey, so maybe we should put her name up there instead of Cortana’s.

You also may have noticed that only Halo 2 and 3 are listed next to her name. Before any fanboys get all uppity, we are well aware that Cortana was in the original Halo. Maybe you should go back and check her out and then you’ll realize why we didn’t include it. Hint: she’s kinda ugly.

So what’s so great about Cortana’s booty? Well, for one thing she’s pretty much attached to the Master Chief so he can just pop her out any time he wants to have a gander at that rear or, you know, talk to her. Additionally, she’s a hologram and semi-transparent, so you can stare at her ass even when you’re in front of her. How great is that!  She also appears to be filled with some kind of fizzy, delicious raspberry soda, so that’s a plus.

The major downfall here is, obviously, that you can’t ever touch her (not that you could really touch any of these girls, but you know what I mean). This isn’t like a sexual harassment or work appropriate kind of thing, it’s because she’s a freaking hologram. No matter how hot she may get or how many digital squats she does to perk up that posterior, it ultimately just makes her that much more of a tease. For this reason alone, we can’t justify having her any higher on the list than number 10.

And now, let’s look at the evidence (click to enlarge):

I believe we’ve made our point.

Tune in tomorrow for our 9th best booty as we count down the Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames.

All the Asses: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | Special Mentions | 1