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Top Ten Gaming Wake Up Calls

Gavin Bard — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:00:28 +0000

The problem with having to save the world is that, more often than not, it doesn’t wait until you’ve had a full nights sleep. The eldritch abomination, the never-ending war that has reached your doorstep, the great civilization threatening calamity, a doting mother- these are all things that are sure to pull a hero out of his or her much needed slumber. They are all also very likely to appear in role-playing games. This may seem like a cheap plot device, but it actually makes a lot of sense- it is scientifically proven that you are 60% more likely to participate in an important adventure if you are woken up first, as opposed to just waking up naturally. That must explain why so many games start off with someone rolling out of bed.

10.

To the younger crowd, or to the vile casuals, LucasArts is just the company that makes all the Star Wars and Indiana Jones games and SCUMM is just the name of a Napalm Death album. Well, maybe they don’t think the Napalm Death thing, but they probably think the LucasArts thing. That is a definite shame, as LucasArts were the creators of some of the most important and entertaining adventure games in history including Maniac Mansion, Grim Fandango, and the Monkey Island series to name a select few. One game that gets sort of lost in the shuffle is Loom.

Loom was an ambitious game, and one that took a lot of chances with the adventure genre. It was one of the rare LucasArts adventure games to take itself seriously, and its gameplay was a departure from the conventions of the genre. Instead of using objects to interact with the environment and advance the game’s plot, you used your trusty distaff to play enchanted notes. Think of it as a distant cousin to Ocarina of Time except with way more weaving.

It also started with the main character, Bobbin Threadbare, being woken up on a cliff side by a messenger fairy. Actually, I guess the Ocarina of Time comparison is more apt than I thought. Although Link wasn’t waiting for a swan that visits him on his birthday every year. At least I don’t think he was, sometimes I’m not very observant.

09.

Possibly unpopular opinion time; I really liked Final Fantasy VIII. Despite my cold, tough, grizzled exterior and my overwhelming manliness, my distaste for gender roles begets a soft spot for well told love stories. That was all Final Fantasy VIII was to me, the first real love story in the series. I liked the characters, the story had more than a few genuinely emotional moments, and I’m pretty sure Quistis Trepes is the reason I developed a teacher fetish.

Final Fantasy VIII first gives you control of Squall after he finds himself in the infirmary due to getting the business end of a sword to the forehead in a training session. You would think after a steady dose of head trauma they would encourage you to stay in bed for a little while longer, but not in Balamb Garden! There are dastardly reality threatening plots to unravel and wars to fight- after class and acting like the world’s worst loner tour guide of course.

08.

Arguably the most well known entry in Namco’s legendary Tales series, Tales of Symphonia continued many of the trademarks of its predecessors while updating them for the 3D world of the 2003- spirit summoning, oodles of character development, and bad guys who actually have real reasons and depth to what they do, it was all here. It also featured the generally great Tales battle system, as well as a plot so intricate and well done that it may as well be an anime. Actually, they ended up making it one.

It also features one of the most enduring hero types in RPGs, the dense one. Lloyd Irving might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he makes up for it with logic and loyalty, and also awesome fighting skills. Fighting isn’t the only thing he is adept at though, he can also fall asleep standing up, which is where Tales of Symphonia starts off. I’ve had some boring classes before, I’m looking at you every math class I’ve ever had, but even I don’t think I could doze off on my feet during them. I also don’t think I could protect my friend as she goes on a quest across the world in order to awaken a goddess and save the world. There is way too much to do on the internet first.

07.

Originally scheduled as a launch title for the PlayStation 2, Dark Cloud ended up being released a few months afterward. It became one of the first “must have” RPGs on the console and is remembered pretty fondly for its unique combination of action-RPG and city building mechanics. I’m hard pressed to think of a game released between Dark Cloud and Fable 2 that attempted to mesh the two, let alone succeeding at it. I’m sure you fine readers will remind me of a few in the comments though. Most likely angrily.

Dark Cloud takes a while to get to it, but the game proper starts off after the main character, Toan, is knocked unconscious when his village is destroyed by a giant flying genie who shoots energy beams from his legs. It isn’t all bad though, as a Fairy King wakes him up after transporting all of the villagers away before they can be killed. He also tells Toan that he has to go save the world and rebuild civilization against enormous odds and at a great risk to himself and the friends he makes on his journey. There is always a catch with these magic fairy types.

06.

I vividly remember purchasing this game the day it was released in America, which was now over a decade ago. There are some other games on this list I played before this, but I definitely forgot how old this game was now. Nothing makes you grapple with your own mortality more than video games. Maybe music I guess. Did you know “Calculating Infinity” and “Domestica” both came out over ten years ago now as well? I can’t even fathom how I would have turned into the ~~pretentious~~ musical ~~elitist~~ aficionado I am today without those two albums. If they don’t invent immortality pills soon I’m going to be so pissed.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Oh, video games.

Golden Sun is a game for the GBA that still holds up as one of its better RPGs. An impressive feat considering the longevity of that lovable handheld. It follows another popular character archetype in the silent protagonist Isaac. Isaac has the misfortune of being awoken by his mom when a gigantic boulder is threatening to squash their town. On the list of things to be waken up for, “a huge rock is going to kill us” might be one of the least appealing. Right up there with “you have an appointment with the dentist” and “today is election day.”

05.

Dragon Quest-slash-Warrior, while never as popular in America as its Final Fantasy counterpart, is more popular in Japan than slightly disturbing pornography. It is so popular in fact that, after Dragon Quest III was released, Enix decided to stop selling Dragon Quest games on weekdays because of mass absenteeism to places of education and employment across the country. Who knew the way to defeat wage slavery and the for profit education system was just to release Dragon Quest games?

Depending on who you ask, Dragon Quest III is either the best Dragon Quest game or the second best Dragon Quest game. It really doesn’t fall much further than that. It was such a great representation of traditional Japanese RPGs, and it was a fitting end piece to the original trilogy. It also begins with- you guessed it- the heroes mom waking him up on his sixsteenth birthday so he can meet with the king and be sent on an epic world saving journey. On my sixteenth birthday I got a PS2. Equally as important, honestly.

04.

This could have just as easily been Ocarina of Time, but I’m a retro gamer at my core so I’ve always considered this to be the best game in the series. Besides, this whole list could have been Legend of Zelda games. It would probably be easier to pick a game that didn’t start with Link waking up.

How much do I actually have to say about A Link to the Past?

If your answer is “more than that” you haven’t played enough video games yet.

03.

Where do you even start with Planescape: Torment? One of the single greatest gaming experiences in the history of our fine hobby, Planescape: Torment made breaking genre conventions its job. This game has so many choices and so many consequences that it makes Deus Ex look like a rails shooter. You could essentially avoid every combat situation in the game with the right amount of stealth and dialog choices. In a way, Planescape: Torment was one of the first examples of a successful narrative based game, and more of an interactive novel than a traditional RPG. This is why it was so perfect though.

If ever I could pinpoint the exact moment I decided I would rip my shirt off, bare my chest, and defend PC gaming to my very death, it would be the first time I played Planescape: Torment.

Of all the dudes-waking-up moments on this list, Planescape: Torment probably sports the darkest. The Nameless One isn’t woken up by his mom, he is woken up in a mortuary. He doesn’t need to meet the king for his birthday and save the world, he needs to recover his lost memories after being killed.

If you take anything from this list, it should be going out and playing Planescape: Torment. Oh, and also you should be entertained by the list. I forgot about that part.

02.

Chrono Trigger is perhaps the best known example of this. Since it is considered to be one of the best RPGs ever made, it is understandable. I certainly wouldn’t argue anyone who told me it was, although since this is number two you have probably deduced that there is a game I would rank above it. We will get to that.

In Chrono Trigger, the titular-minus-the-H character is woken up by- you guessed it- his mom. Instead of being sent directly to save the world from the time devouring evil, he is sent to the Millenial Fair for merrymaking and a good time.

Until the whole rip in the space-time continuum sends him to save the world from the time devouring evil.

Better than most state fairs I’ve been to. Usually they just have funnel cake.

01.

Earthbound is my number one choice for every list ever. Best RPG? Earthbound. Best quirky game? Earthbound. Best first person shooter? Earthbound. Best vegetarian Mexican restaurant in the Philadelphia region? Earthbound. Luckily for me, Earthbound is actually relevant to this list so I don’t have to bullshit you about how good its veggie burritos are.

Ness, the quiet hero of Onett, is just a normal kid with a hyper-intelligent dog until he is woken up in the middle of the night by a meteorite crashing to earth in the hills outside of his home. As any curious kid would do, he eventually goes to explore before being turned back by the long arm of the law. With nothing else to do, he goes back to sleep.

A full night’s sleep is not in the cards for Ness, however. When his frustratingly annoying neighbor wakes him up later on with the incessent knocking of “shave and a hair cut” he finally gets his chance to see the meteorite up close. Then he fights a huge silver robot and a time traveling bee tells him that he has to somehow save the world from an evil alien that might also be a fetus. Don’t worry, it all makes perfect sense in the end.

Oh, Itoi. Don’t ever change.

Did I miss anything? Are there any heroes that could have used a few extra hours sleep that I didn’t include? Let us know in the comments.

Top 10 Great PC Games That Your Computer Will Run

Sam Naylor — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:14:53 +0000

A popular criticism of gaming on the PC is the cost of upgrading your machine to meet the specifications for all the latest games. What people who say this tend to forget, though, is there are plenty of games you can play on your PC without needing a hulking beast of a computer to run.

In an attempt at converting more people to PC gaming, I’ve compiled a few of my favourite games that virtually any computer from the last ten years will be able to run without too much trouble. You’re not going to be running Crysis on your old hunk o’ junk, so why bother? Try one of these fantastic games instead. Chances are, they’re better than Crysis anyway.

Fallout

I’m sure you’re not surprised to see this here. Fallout (and to a lesser extent, Fallout 2) was, ironically, a haven in a wasteland of linear games. Fallout is famous for being incredibly flexible to the player; most notable is the ability to play through without even using combat, just by interacting with the huge cast of characters. So open was Fallout that people are able to play through the game and see almost nothing that another player might have seen. Sure, there are modern games that use the “open world” dynamic, but Fallout still stands up as one of the biggest and most expansive worlds open to players today.

System Requirements:

DOS: Pentium-90, 32 megs of RAM, 2x CD-ROM drive, SVGA (VESA-compliant), SoundBlaster-compatible.

Win95: Pentium-90, 16 megs of RAM, DirectX 3.0a or 5.0, 2x CD-ROM drive, SVGA, DirectSound compatible sound card.

Mac: PowerMac with 16000k free memory, CD-ROM, System 7.1.2 or higher.

All versions require 10+ megs of hard drive space and a mouse.

Peggle

It’s not only old games that run on old PCs. Peggle is only two years old, but it has already reached the unofficial title of “most addictive puzzle game ever created”. The game consists of firing a ball at pegs in the hope of clearing all of the orange ones using just ten balls. Simple formula, but the result is an incredibly addicting and absorbing puzzle game. Well, I say puzzle game, but when you really break it down, there’s not much you can control directly other than the first few bounces of the ball. Even so, Peggle has eaten so many hours of my life that it just has to go on the list.

System Requirements:

Win 98/ME/2000/XP/Vista: Pentium III, 700 MHz or faster, 256 MB RAM, DirectX 7.0.

Mac OS 10.3.9 and later: G4,G5 or Intel Core Duo, 256 MB RAM.

15Mb disk space and an Internet connection is required to register both the download and CD-ROM versions of the game.

Grim Fandango

Tim Scafer’s masterpiece Grim Fandango was an obvious choice for this list. The game is undoubtedly one of the wittiest and best written games ever made, and features a cast who, ironically enough, are brought to life with excellent voice acting and a fantastic story. Okay, I might be laying on the praise a bit heavily, but this game really deserves your attention. The adventure genre, often considered a dead art nowadays, reached a peak in Grim Fandango. There’s only one excuse not to play this game: illiteracy. If you’re reading this, you need to play Grim Fandango.

System Requirements:

Windows: 133 MHz processor, 32 MB RAM, 30 MB hard disk space, 4 MB video card.

Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2

Perhaps not the most critically acclaimed game on this list, but certainly one of the best in terms of sheer fun. Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 is a full-on real time strategy game full of preposterous and brilliant units, topped with a helping of self-parody and real-time FMV silliness. In the universe of Red Alert 2, tanks that can become trees face off against soldiers that can mind-control other units, and it makes sense. The expansion pack even added flying saucers. A fine example of an RTS that is pure entertainment from start to finish.

System Requirements:

Windows: 266 MHz Processor, 64 MB RAM, 350 MB HDD space, 4x CD-ROM Drive, 2 MB video card, DirectSound-compatible soundcard.

Top Ten Most Badass Weapons in Gaming History – #10 The Gravity Hammer

James Fleming — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 16:37:14 +0000

Weapons have been a source of pain and suffering throughout human history. Since the first caveman bashed in his buddy’s head with a rock for eying his woman, weapons have played an important role in the decay of society. Alfred Nobel invented the Nobel Peace Prize to counter the moniker of “Merchant of Death” – bestowed unto the genius for his most famous invention, dynamite.

He knew that weapons were merely devices aimed at enhancing the destructive capabilities of humans, and their presence put the entire world in Jeopardy. His last will and testament was designed to prevent this catastrophe from happening, and his vision has promoted peace, art, and the progression of science since 1901.

Weapons are also a helluva’ lot of fun. Ninja swords, maces, sniper rifles, and grenades make the world a better place. And dynamite looks great stuffed down an opponent’s throat. I am talking about the world of video games of course – a place where killing is called “fragging” and headshots reign supreme.

In the real world I am a peace loving, anti-war, Che Guevara T-shirt wearing law abider. But once I hit that power button on the console, things change. I want to see the pink mist! And that’s where this edition of Ripten’s Top-Ten takes us. Today we choose the weapons that give us those shark-like grins and quench our lust for bloodshed. The instruments of malice that deal digital death faster than a bar serving Molotov cocktails. These are the weapons that make us cheer and our opponents shudder. This one … could get a little messy. And now for #10 on our list, The Gravity Hammer.

Halo has brought us a lot of great weapons over the years. Some of them were good, some were bad, and some wouldn’t help you punch your way out of a wet paper bag. The great ones can always be identified however, by their demand in an online fragfest. Game after game yields mad sprints to snag the most destructive vehicles, the best powerups, and the most ferocious artillery, but there is one weapon that’ll send a room full of enemies dashing for the exits: The Gravity Hammer.

We first got a glimpse of the Hammer in Halo II being wielded by the Chieftain Brute Tartarus. It sure dealt with the Arbiter quickly, sending poor little pixilated Keith David careening down a bottomless pit. While not exactly an instrument of finesse, the Gravity Hammer was perfectly designed for blunt force trauma. Have a room full of elites that needs eradicating? Use the Hammer. A co-worker parked his warthog in your parking space? Use the Hammer. Can’t open that pesky jar of preservatives? Employ the Hammer. The Brute Gravity Hammer follows the ethos of the “if it ain’t broke, break it” variety. And it does this very well.

The weapons of Halo III are vast and varied. The Spartan Laser is favored for ending those annoying killing sprees by all the Maverick wannabes taking to the skies in their banshees on Valhalla. The Flamethrower is great for guarding those gravity lifts on Construct. And the rocket launcher found on the catwalk on Narrows will make your opponents wish they’d never enlisted. All these weapons serve a purpose, but it is the Hammer alone that delivers that indefinable satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that you just bashed a person into another time zone. Never has using a force amplifier tool dating back to 30,000 BCE so much fun.

The Gravity Hammer has its limitations, as do all the weapons on this list. It’s slow, its bulky, and its impossible to sneak through a metal detector, but it causes an certain emotion in its victims that leads to its inclusion in our Top Ten…that emotion is FEAR. People will fear you when they turn a corner to see this beauty cocked and waiting. And in the world of gaming, it’s always better to be feared than loved.

Top Ten Most Badass Weapons List: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1